


Cold Blooded Love

by httpsruru



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Comedy, Cute, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Happy Ending, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Marriage Proposal, Opening Up, Relationship(s), brian is a tough nut to crack, brian is an asshole but we love him, britin are going strong, but justin will eventually get there, mental health is very important kids, post-season5, so unbelievably gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpsruru/pseuds/httpsruru
Summary: "You always let me go," he laughed. "Every time I wanted to walk out on you, I always waited for a sign. Something that would make me think that you wanted me to stay. The thing I was looking for never came. You never once made me feel wanted.""So what are you doing here, then? Did I give you a sign this time?" Brian asked as he carelessly poured himself a glass of Jim Beam."Ask the ring in the bottom drawer of your desk," Justin said smoothly. "And the twink you refused to bring home from Babylon last week."And well, not even Brian Kinney could argue with that.So he did what he did best, laughed quietly and then circled his arms around his favorite little piece of shit's waist so he could hug him and bury his face into the smooth neck of his lover.Yeah. He decided he could get used to this.
Relationships: Ben Bruckner/Michael Novotny, Brian Kinney & Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), James 'Hunter' Montgomery/Original Male Character(s), Melanie Marcus/Lindsay Peterson
Comments: 53
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1- Fading memories and Jim Beam

It was gray and dull in the loft of Brian Kinney. All of the lamps were turned off, the only source of light being the Moon that somewhat illuminated the flat.

It was sad, really. A depressed figure sitting on the couch alone while clutching a bottle of Jim Beam in one of his hands and a wedding ring in the other.

A wedding ring he hadn’t worn in almost a year and a half. One he wouldn’t have needed to keep, but kept anyway because it reminded him of something he had once. The serenity, calm and love Justin brought into his life unknowingly was now gone and replaced with bitter promises and memories of better days. He didn’t know what got into him that night. After all he was the one who cut all ties with the young boy suddenly after the latter went to New York to pursue his dreams of being an artist.

Brian couldn’t get his mind off of him, though. Justin was always there in a way or another. His bed, the picture of Brian naked that he drew, the kitchen where he often made the best food the older has ever tasted and not to mention the bathroom. He hated feeling this way but still allowed himself to fall deep sometimes. He had to put up a tough image in front of Michael and the others but every time he was home alone he would just sit in silence and play with the wedding band he still hadn’t returned since that day.

He knew he was an asshole for disappearing from Justin’s life after just telling him he loved him and, for God’s sake, almost fucking marrying him, but he didn’t want to force the boy into anything. Justin could fuck anyone he wanted, for as long as he wanted without having to feel guilty and thinking of his ex fiance waiting for him miserably. More like fucking half the town of Pittsburgh again. Justin wasn’t stupid, he most likely knew what Brian was up to every night but God forbid he mentioned it in the short four months they spent talking after he left for New York.

Deep down Brian knew that he wasn’t doing the right thing by pushing Justin away but it was all he knew. It was so much easier than admitting to his fears of losing the younger. Painful, really. But it was who he was after all, and he swore to himself to never change.

Brian Kinney doesn’t love. He fucks. Hard.

With that in mind he carefully placed the ring back into its pretty red box, put the bottle of whiskey down and took off his sweatpants and underwear. After a quick shower, not leaving himself any time to think he pulled on a pair of black boxers and his favorite Hugo Boss shirt paired with some black jeans. He knew he was hot, he knew he’d probably fuck five guys in the back room of Babylon before coming home to his fucking misery but he still didn’t feel satisfied. Fuck it, everything seemed just pointless without Justin.

He’d never admit that out loud though, so he took off to the club. He arrived there about fifteen minutes later and after nodding to the security guard he trudged in there, immediately going for the bar and ordering Jack Daniel’s. He knew he’d have to go to work the next day but he couldn’t bring himself to give two flying shits. He wanted to forget, maybe fuck someone who probably had AIDS and then just go home and sleep to pretend that everything was fine. Because after all, it was.

Sure, he didn’t have Justin anymore, but so what? He had gone 29 years of living without knowing him, he could survive twice as much time again. God, just thinking about the boy and getting old made him feel sick to the stomach. He felt as if he was going to puke. So he gulped down the rest of his drink and went for the dance floor but felt two hands pulling him back.

“Who the fuck-” he began but exhaled shortly as he recognized his best friend. “Fucking shit Mickey, you gave me a fucking heart attack” he said with a devilish smile on his face and then leaned down to plant a kiss on the man’s lips.

“Cut that shit out, Brian, I’m here with Ben and Hunter,” Mickey said wiping off the saliva from his lips. “How are you doing? Seen any hot guys?” Mickey said desperately trying to seem easy-going. But Brian picked up on the stress. What the fuck was up with the world anyway?

“What is it, Michael? Why are you looking like something other than Ben’s dick crawled up your ass and died there?” he offered him a sweet smile, but the comic book writer knew better than to believe that shit. “Something happened? Theodore overdosed again and you all want me to pull the plug again, or what?”

“I just-It’s just, you know...” he stuttered and downed some random guy’s drink before finally finding the balls to continue what he wanted to say. “Justin’s back in town. My mom told me he stopped by the diner earlier this day. But, you know, he wasn’t actually alone...” Mickey chewed on his bottom lip as he spoke and Brian had to contain himself from smashing a beer bottle on the floor in that exact moment. The rage came from within, from such a deep corner of his mind and feelings that he didn’t even know what to do to keep himself sane. He knew he couldn’t show anything to his best friend so he did his best to keep himself calm.

Right, yes. Justin could fuck anyone. He could date anyone. Brian wasn’t in the picture anymore.

God, why didn’t it feel like that then?

“Right, Mickey. And what in the Pope’s balls makes you think I give a shit? It’s over between him and I. I haven’t talked to him in eight months, purely because I didn’t want to. So, now can you shut the fuck up so I can go and fuck the shit out of someone? Thank you, excuse me,” Brian said calmly pushing his best friend away as he successfully made it to the dance floor, acknowledging Brandon, the new “everyone-wants-to-fuck-him” guy of Pittsburgh he had a fuck-game with almost two years ago on the way and finally setting his eyes on a cute, petite dark-haired twink. He skillfully made his way over to him and slid his arms around his waist. The guy didn’t seem to mind as he rubbed his ass against Brian’s crotch willingly. The man smirked and spun the boy in his arms so that they were facing each other and leaned over to his ear so he could hear him better.

“Hey, you looking for anything in particular?” he asked him seductively taking the shorter’s earlobe in between his teeth and gently nibbling on it, satisfied to hear his new toy’s whimper. See, it wasn’t so hard. Unlike Brian’s dick, of course.

“No, nothing in particular. I’m glad you found me though, hot stuff,” he chuckled as he grabbed Brian’s ass. Eh, a power bottom perhaps? “Sadly I’m here with my best friend and I don’t know where he went but I promised him not to wander off, so I’m sorry stud, you’re going to have to find someone else to fuck,” he smiled apologetically, patting Brian on the chest.

Hell no.

“I’m sure your friend wouldn’t mind us having fun for twenty minutes in the back room, how does that sound to you?” he grinned, slowly sliding his hands onto the latter’s ass.

“Oh God, no. No way Jose, I’ve heard enough from him about the back room and how everyone fucks in there. Sorry, I don’t really do casual fucks, I’m a Cancer, I get attached too easily,” he explained with a frown in his face and Brian was about to lose his shit. There he was, tipsy, hard as a fucking rock and some fucking twink was preaching to him about astrology? This surely couldn’t be real.

“Hey, Leo, I’ve been looking for you- Brian?” said a voice Brian knew all too well. God, this was not happening. Not now, not like this. Why him? Did God really hate him that much for being a faggot? Was his mother right about everything after all?”Holy shit, it really is you!”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out, Sunsh- Justin,” he cleared his throat. He felt his eyes starting to sting and he had to gulp. Brian Kinney never cried. Ever.

But it was Sunshine. His Sunshine, the boy he was hopelessly in- Wait, no.

They were strangers now. Strangers with a common past, with something they shared, touches that were only fading memories in both of their minds now and chaste kisses. That’s what Justin felt like now.

“Wait you two know each other?” the boy known as Leo looked confused.

“Like the back of my hand. He’s my ex husband” Justin licked his lips and Brian could see all the pain that accompanied the hostility in his voice. His chest tightened and he was ready to throw up right then and there. Of course, he didn’t show anything of it.

“Ah, incorrect. We were never married. We never dated. Have you started lying to your friends? Is that what I taught you, Sunshine?” he knew he was taunting him at this point, but he had to cause him pain. He had to push him away, as far as possible. He wasn’t good for him. No one was good enough for Justin Taylor. He was just perfectly imperfect like that.”Now, excuse me, boys, but I have to go satisfy someone’s needs. Have a great night here at Babylon, and welcome back, Justin. Hope you won’t stay for too long,” he grinned, patting their shoulders and took off.

Sadly, as he was passing them, in the midst of hot, half naked boys shaking their asses and couples making out, Brian caught a glimpse of his former lover’s hand, and the ring on it.

The other half of the very ring he kept at home tucked away safely for harder times.

His heart ached.


	2. Chapter 2 - Strawberries and cigarettes

Justin stood on the dance floor alone among the dancing men, staring helplessly after Brian. God, he didn’t think that running into his now former lover would feel so bad, but he could hear his heart shatter into tiny pieces, yet again.

He never understood why Brian cut all ties with him. For a few months, he tried calling him, but eventually got tired of never getting an answer and just gave up. He knew he swore to himself that he would never give up on Brian, but things were a lot different back then. The teenager Justin was so different from the person he was now, it was actually painful.  Well, obviously the part of him that loved Brian unconditionally to no end hasn’t gone through much of a transformation and the young artist wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that.

The ring would have been a dead giveaway for an outsider, but Justin swore to God that he only wore it because it was pretty.

Yeah, not even he believed such load of bullshit.

“You alright? This must suck a lot. Wanna get out of here?” Leo asked him carefully, putting his hand on the small of Justin’s back in a way of showing support for his best friend. He was there whenever Justin broke down because of Brian, so he was fully aware of the impact that their break up had had on Justin. It was an ugly sight for sure.

“No, it’s okay,” Justin breathed. “I came here to show you the essentials of Pittsburgh. I just didn’t think he’d be here. But I mean, why wouldn’t he be?” he gulped, and then shook his head. “You know what? Maybe we should go somewhere else.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, June. I know,” Leo smiled sadly, and started making his way to the exit with Justin following him.

God, this night couldn’t get worse.

***

Brian was on his tenth shot of Jack Daniel’s and Michael was starting to get seriously worried about him. He had already witnessed his friend almost dying of alcohol intoxication, though that was when they were both in their teenage years and their tolerance level was way lower than now. Plus, he knew the exact reason why his best friend was acting like it was his duty to kill himself that night and he didn’t like it one bit.

Although he never really accepted their relationship, thinking that Justin had only used Brian for his money and sex, and nor did he know what had actually gone down this time, he wished they would just get their shit together and be happy again.

“Best friend my ass. I’m sure they fucking cuddle up every night in their shitty blanket and share loads of snacks and then they fuck and--, God, this is disgusting,” Brian slurred and Michael rolled his eyes.”What are they, a pair of dykes? What happened to being the best homo he could possibly be?”

“I think you ghosting him happened. It’s not right, Brian. Are you jealous?” Mikey said, lifting one of his eyebrows up as he felt Ben’s arms sneak around his waist and he allowed himself to melt in the embrace of his lover.

And Brian’s silence said more than words could ever say.

You see, the thing with Brian was that he never lied. It was a well known fact that he never once deceived anyone, so when he knew that he would be untruthful, he just shut up.

Mikey’s heart actually broke.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Ben grumbled, understanding his husband’s distress and took the glass from Brian’s hand as he started guiding him outside, despite the other’s protest.

  
  


Once they made it to the loft, it wasn’t hard to put the big baby to sleep, seeing as he passed out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

“He’s going to be alright, you know that, don’t you?” Ben whispered, as they slid the door shut and got into the elevator so they could finally go home and rest for a few hours before going to work the next day.

“Yeah, I know. He always is. That fucker,” Mikey shook his head, remembering the little red box resting calmly on the coffee table back at Brian’s home.

Yes, someday he’d be just fine. 

♡

The next morning came earlier than Brian would have liked it, and he groaned as he heard his alarm going off. He grabbed the thing and chucked it somewhere else, glad that it shut up and then rolled over so he could bury his face into Justin’s strawberry and cigarette scented hair, only to realize that the other side of the bed was painfully empty and cold.

_ Right. Justin wasn’t there anymore. _ He hadn’t been there for a long time, yet Brian couldn’t seem to get used to waking up all alone, with no one to cuddle and blow. 

God, he was slowly turning into a lesbian.

Dismissing his thoughts, he willed himself to get up and take a shower to freshen up a bit. While he let the hot water relax his stiff muscles, he decided that he would stop by the Liberty Diner to eat breakfast before heading into Kinnetik and having to deal with another of Brown Athletic’s tantrums. He wished his head didn’t hurt, but considering the fact that he was drunk off his ass the previous night, he understood where it was coming from. Maybe he could try to cut back on the drinking and drugs, but since he didn’t have a certain blond to tell him what to do, he didn’t see the point. Everyone had to die from something.

Forty-five minutes later he parked his car on the sidewalk in front of diner and after making sure he locked it right, he made his way into the friendly place. He had been coming to Liberty Diner ever since he was fourteen, but the feeling never changed, only the staff did. Sometimes he still felt like a little lost teenager, trying to survive his father’s abuse and his mother’s nonsense about God and religion, coming to Debbie after a rough day or night to just eat in silence and listen to the buzz around the restaurant. He always took pride in being the man he had become, but lately he found himself reminiscing about the past and how everything used to be. Not to mention all those times he had spent with Justin here. 

Why was that brat connected to basically everything in his life? From his bed, to owning half of everything Brian owned, to being Brian’s medical proxy; Justin was everywhere, and Brian realized that they shared too many things in common, seeing as he didn’t have peace even at the diner. The first thing he saw upon wandering a bit further into the space was that, the booth they originally sit at was occupied by Ted, Michael, Emmett, Justin and his new boy-toy whose name Brian didn’t really remember. He was Brian Kinney after all, and that meant he was very shit at remembering names.

“What is this, group therapy?” he grumbled as he reluctantly sat down next to Mikey. The petite twink giggled, and Brian’s eyebrows shot up.”And what are you laughing at?”

“Oh, nothing in particular. You’re just like June described you,” he answered and took a sip from his milkshake. 

_ Best friends my ass _ , Brian thought.  _ He’s already giving him nicknames. What’s next, adopting children? _

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Emmett said, glaring at Brian. “So, then Brian decided to stop being a pussy and he actually went to Justin’s dance. God, Daph told me it was so romantic! I wish I was there,” Emmett swooned while Justin’s so-called best friend was listening so intently, Brian thought his eyes would actually fall out. His former lover on the other hand, looked uncomfortable as fuck, and it did something to Brian.

“Okay, Honeycutt, why are you discussing shit that happened a lifetime ago, nonetheless with a total stranger?” Brian interjected after thanking Kiki for giving him his usual coffee with a lot of sugar. He decided to ignore Justin’s thankful gaze while sipping on the drink.

“Excuse me, I’m not exactly considered a stranger in June’s life,” the boy protested almost immediately, furrowing his eyebrows and genuinely looking pretty upset. 

“You’re excused,” Brian answered with a tight smile and brushed off the incredulous look the newcomer gave him. He didn’t have time to deal with shit like that, not with Justin being back in town and Lindsay bitching about everything as usual.”How long are you staying for anyway?” he turned to Justin and stared right into his soul, not being able to stop himself. He adored the younger boy’s eyes that always held so much emotion. He loved the way his eyes were truly the mirror of his soul, showing him everything he needed, wanted to see. 

Sure, he did miss Justin. Practically all the time, but he knew he had to let him go. Justin was young, he had to explore, date other people and get his heart broken. He needed to experience what it meant to have a real, committed relationship with someone who could be one hundred percent open with him. Someone who didn’t make him doubt his love for him.

All in all, anyone but Brian.

He could never offer him those things, the stuff that Justin deserved and while it truly ate Brian up on the inside, he knew he had to do this. They were so fucking unhealthy together, him never giving Justin reassurance, Justin shutting his mouth about their issues just to no upset Brian-- It was all just a fucking mess. Brian didn’t understand how he could have actually thought that it could work out between the two of them. He realized that it was impossible.

“I don’t know yet,” Justin chewed on his bottom lip, not intending to tell Brian the true reason he decided to come back to the Pitts. Well, the other reason. “It’s uncertain. Leo’s just here for moral support, but the GLC have asked me to put together a set of pieces they could exhibit at some event to raise awareness for the teens that get thrown out of their homes for being gay. I figured it’s a good cause, so I came back,” he shrugged like it was no big deal and hoped that Brian wouldn’t catch on to his bullshit.

“Ah, I see. Saint Justin back at it again,” Brian snickered, and drank the last drop of his coffee. “Well, you still have some of your stuff at the loft, you can come pick them up. Make sure you call me first though. Wouldn’t want you walking in on something that’s not meant for your eyes,” he gave them a sarcastic grin before slapping some money on the table and storming out of the diner.

His hands were shaking as he drove away from the restaurant and he realized once again that completely wiping his Sunshine out of his life would be a very complicated mission.

And on his way to Kinnetik, the only image in his head was Justin’s eyes, pleading him not to leave, as they had done many times before.


	3. Chapter 3 - Tears and signs

_ The sea of 18 year old kids parted as the man strutted in there confidently, with only one thing or rather, person in mind. Daphne gasped and lightly nudged Justin’s side so that the teenager could see who was approaching them. His breath was cut short when he saw the man of his dreams walking towards him with a slight smile and the fire in his eyes Justin adored oh so much. He felt his knees buckle a bit and his insides turned into jello as Brian gently invited him to the dance floor and started leading as they danced away without a care in the world. And when he dipped Justin and kissed him like he had never done before, the world seemed to stop and the only thing the younger boy could think about were Brian’s lips on his and how deeply he loved the older man.  _

_ “ **I love you, Sunshine** ,” he whispered with a soft smile plastered on his face. _

Justin woke up with a tight feeling in his chest and the usual lump in his throat. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but he was used to it. It would be the same thing all over again every time he dreamed of Brian. They were always in different situations, but one detail was constantly the same: Brian told him he loved him right before he woke up. At first, when the dreams had started, he was pissed at his subconscious for playing games with him, but as days turned into weeks and weeks into months and him and Brian had eventually stopped talking altogether, he was eternally grateful that he still had Brian through his dreams. 

He never actually found out what exactly had gone down, or why Brian started acting weird after the first four months of being apart. Everything was fine with them when he first moved to New York. They talked on the phone for at least two hours every day, meeting up whenever they could, but after a while it seemed as if Brian lost his interest in everything regarding the two of them. Justin couldn’t go back to Pittsburgh whenever he pleased because of the amount of time his art took up, so they usually met up whenever Brian traveled to New York. Justin tried to look for things that could have made Brian mad, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He was at a loss, and it hurt, because he didn’t know what to do to get the love of his life back.

It had been true that he came back for a show at the Gay and Lesbian Center, but deep down he also held high hopes of somehow setting things straight - or, preferably gay - with Brian despite the hostility the older man seemed to show towards him. He knew Brian like the back of his hand, and so he was perfectly aware of the effect he had on the man. He saw every little sign that showed him that Brian fucking Kinney gave a shit, and for now, he was perfectly content with that.

Walking out to the kitchen of his mother’s house he noticed Tucker sitting at the counter with his laptop in front of him. It seemed like his mom’s boyfriend was concentrating very hard on something, seeing as he didn’t even hear Justin’s steps on the cold marble tiles. Justin never wore socks at home back in New York and he forgot how cold the ground could get in his mom’s home. He cursed himself for being stupid but figured that getting something to eat to calm his rumbling stomach was more important than getting sick. 

He opened the fridge and took out the leftover Chinese food they had from last night, heating it up in the microwave. While he waited for his food to be done he poured himself a glass of water and quickly gulped it down.

“Hey, Tuck, where is Leo?” he asked. Tucker winced at the sudden voice and put his hand on his chest.

“God, Justin, you scared me. He went out with Jen and Molly to buy groceries. You slept okay?” he asked him, offering him a cautious smile. Their relationship still wasn’t the best, seeing as it still weirded Justin out that his mother had been dating someone 5 years older than him for over a year now. He shuddered at the thought, but couldn’t really judge them. Him and Brian weren’t any better.

“Yeah, sure,” he said absentmindedly, glancing at the clock on the wall that signaled him that it was already almost five in the afternoon. He came home at around half past two from his meeting with the GLC and he passed out after eating some lunch. He hadn’t realized how tired he was before, but he guessed that running around for the first few days of being back home and then going to party to Babylon truly took a toll on him. Not even mentioning Brian. God, even thinking about his former lover made his blood boil and his heart ache.

_ It’s only time, my ass _ , he thought as he remembered the words uttered by Brian when they’d parted.

“Are you and Leo going anywhere tonight?” Tucker asked while slowly shutting his laptop and pushing the device to the side. He thought something was up with his girlfriend’s son, but didn't dare to ask, knowing how pissy Justin could get when angered. The kid sometimes was truly a time bomb ticking along. “My nephew is coming over for dinner at around half past six, if you guys want to stick around that’d be amazing.”

“Uh, yeah, sure. I might have to go to Kinnetik first though, I have to talk to Brian about something,” he mumbled as his stomach started doing flips when he mentioned the man. Would his feelings for Brian ever die?

Probably not. 

“About what? You guys broke up, no? At least that’s what Jen was fussing about a few months ago, wasn’t it?” Tuck asked, furrowing his eyebrows and Justin almost winced.

“Yeah, well, that is precisely why I have to go talk to him. I still own half of what he owns, we are still each other’s medical proxies, we also haven’t sold Britin yet, there is a whole lot of shit show still going down,” Justin answered after gulping and ruffled his hair. He truly wanted to cry.

“Hey,” Tucker started softly, scooting a bit closer to the younger.”Are you one hundred percent sure that you guys can’t figure this out? Jennifer has told me the whole story about your relationship with Kinney, including the times when you two split up. I honestly wouldn’t have gotten back together with him after his first mishap, but you’re so strong. Why don’t you give it a rest first? Think it through?” he offered.

Justin really wanted to believe Tucker, but this time, he wasn’t so sure that things were ever going to be alright.

***

Cynthia cautiously knocked on Brian’s office door, and after hearing a quiet ‘Come in’ she stepped in while chewing on her bottom lip. Ryan was sitting on her boss’s desk and she knew things would get ugly very quickly.

“Yes, Cynthia? What is it? I told you I was busy, Ryan and I have to get the visualization of this ad ready by six because Leo Brown threw another fucking tantrum,” Brian said with a tight lipped smile.”So, what is it? Did the dykes call? Did Debbie call to rant to you about me eating healthily? Hurry.”

“None of that, actually. Mr. Taylor is here though, and he wants to talk to you. I thought you two weren’t together anymore?” Cynthia asked carefully, knowing that it was a sore spot for her boss.”I wasn’t sure whether the rule of “Justin can come up here anytime he wants to” was still standing or not, so I decided to check in with you first.”

“It still stands. It doesn’t matter if we’re together or not,” Brian answered without hesitation. He figured it might have been an emergency, seeing as normally, he wouldn’t have thought that Justin would want to willingly meet up with him.”He didn’t seem high to you, did he?”

Ryan snickered and slowly slid off the desk. He found the antics of his colleague very amusing. Only a fool wouldn’t be able to see through the facade he was putting up.

“No, Brian. He was perfectly coherent, a bit sad, that’s all. So I take it I can let him come up?” Cynthia said with half of her body already out of the office. Brian gave an affirmative nod and smoothly took one of the pictures from his desk and set it in one of the drawers. God knew he didn’t need Justin to see that he still had some of their pictures together in his office. If that were to happen, he might as well just kill himself. Third time’s the charm, after all. 

Ryan laughed quietly and raised his eyebrows in Brian’s direction.

“What the fuck are you looking so smug for? Get the fuck out of here, now. And send me the plan tonight, because I swear to God above I’m going to kill someone if Leo Brown nags at me for even one more minute. Got it? Okay, now do it,” he barked at Ryan and the latter simply shook his head before leaving the office only to be replaced with Justin.

Brian’s heart skipped a beat and he seriously hoped it was because of a heart condition he didn’t know he had, and NOT because the twink still affected him.

Justin walked into the office and his chest tightened once again. All of his art pieces that had been there before he left were still there, looking as pretty and intact as ever. He didn’t know why Brian had kept them, but he was grateful that he did.

Just another sign that Brian Kinney gave a shit. Maybe.

“So, what brings you here?” asked Brian, straightening his back and scowling a bit. God, he was hot. Justin wanted to drop on his knees and do things to him. Very, very dirty things.

“I think we have a few things to discuss,” he started, plopping down on the chair opposite from Brian’s.”You have to stop paying for my apartment. I don’t understand why you kept doing it after you oh so graciously dropped all contact with me, but I’m not going to ask. I know you wouldn’t give me an answer, you never do. I think we also should change our medical proxies, as well as…” he took a deep breath.

“As well as what? Go on, you were talking so passionately about what you want me to do,” Brian said with a sarcastic smile on his face. He couldn’t let Justin see how he broke him with his words. Sure, he was aware that he was the one who initially cut all ties with him, but not talking or meeting up was a whole lot different than not being in each other’s lives in any sense. He could feel his heart drop and his blood pressure rise the more time Justin took to answer.

“Maybe we should sell Britin,” Justin whispered and avoided Brian’s eyes. 

The world might as well just have crashed down with the way that one sentence made Brian feel. 

“And why is that?” he asked as his voice cracked a bit. “I bought that place for you. It’s your dream house. Why do you want to suddenly sell it?”

“Fuck you, Brian! You fucking left me and you have the audacity to ask me why I want to sell that house? It’s not like it means anything to you. So why not just drop it? Why can’t you just walk out of my life completely while you are at it?” Justin said frustratedly as he let a teardrop slide down his face to his chin. Brian almost reached out to wipe it off but thought better of it and cleared his throat.

“Well, do as you see fit. I’ll sign whatever paper you need me to sign,” he said sternly, trying to ignore the lump in his throat as he said those words. God, he couldn’t just let his Sunshine walk away like that, could he?

But why couldn’t he? Justin deserved better. He didn’t need to deal with someone who was just so damn rotten. He should go, get a real boyfriend, get married, and raise some children. Maybe fuck around and cheat on his husband, just to get the whole experience of a marriage. His husband could become an alcoholic and abusive piece of shit while they were at it and Justin could go spend the rest of his life trying to protect their kids, if that’s what he wanted. Because after all, all marriages ended in tragedy.

“We’re done here, yes? Fax me the contracts or whatever. I’d love to stay here and watch you cry for another hour, but sadly I have a client I need to get ba--” Justin didn’t even wait for Brian to finish his sentence, he just stood up silently and stormed out of the office.

Brian had always taken pride in being the heartless piece of shit he was. He didn’t bat an eye at most of the things that went down around him. For fuck’s sake, he didn’t even cry when his father died.

So, why did he feel the tears threatening to paint his cheeks?


	4. Chapter 4 - Love and other shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly Brian is capable of feeling things.
> 
> warning: smashing stuff

Having a mental breakdown and taking a plane back to New York seemed like a fabulous idea to Justin in the state of mind he was in after he left Kinnetik. He knew he couldn’t do that, but he also couldn’t go home right away, seeing as he would have thrown a tantrum for sure, and no one wanted to see that, really. When Justin got pissy, things got ugly and he was sure his mother wouldn’t have appreciated him being a bitch about everything only because of Brian.

_ God, Brian. _

Justin came to the realization that his former lover is an asshole a long time ago, but it had been such a long time since he was an asshole toward his Sunshine that he actually forgot how it was to be on the receiving end. He was used to Brian being shitty with everyone around him and in front of him, with his friends - except Daphne, of course - but since the older man hadn’t been a dickhead to him for who knows how long, obviously not counting the time when he started ghosting and ditching him first, it was like reliving his past a bit. The time when Brian wasn’t so accepting of him.

Looking back, Justin realized that he must have been a real pain in the ass to him, and he wondered just how much patience Brian secretly had for putting up with him.

He didn’t have much time to think about it though because he realized that Tucker’s nephew was supposed to come over for dinner and he remembered that he had promised to his stepfather kind of person that he would go back in time. With that thought in mind he took a sharp U turn and tried hurrying home.

It seemed that he wasn’t fast enough because he saw an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the hall. He kicked off his sneakers and wandered closer to the source of the laughing voices in the living room and and almost did a double take at what he saw. Brandon Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Surname-Is was sitting on their sofa talking and joking around with his family and his best friend. What in the world was happening?

Then again, Justin had scored a 1500 on his SATs, so it didn’t take him long to connect the dots. 

Brandon was Tucker’s fucking nephew. Could this night really get any worse? 

“Oh, hey, Justin,” his mom greeted him warmly as he trudged into the living room and plopped down on the couch as if he’d seen a ghost.”This is Brandon, Tucker’s nephew! Which means you two are step-cousins of sorts,” she beamed, seemingly being truly happy about the situation.

“Oh joy,” he tried sounding happy, but Leo saw right through it and snickered quietly. Then he saw as a look of realization came over Brandon’s face and suddenly felt the need to put on some priest clothes and serve the Lord for the rest of his life because he was sure that this was a punishment for being a faggot.

“Wait, shit, you’re Kinney’s boy! Oh my God,” well, apparently it was possible for the night to get even worse. Jennifer choked on the drink she was sipping on and Leo kind of just sat there trying not to laugh out loud. Who needs enemies with a best friend like Justin had? No fucking one.

“I’m not...Kinney’s boy, or whatever the fuck you just called me. That sounds disgusting and so wrong on so many levels,” Justin scowled, feeling his blood boil at the mentions of Brian. Why did every fucking little thing revolve around Brian in Pittsburgh?”We dated. We don’t anymore. End of discussion.”

“I take it that you two didn’t have steamy hot gay sex and get married this afternoon?” Tucker said with a sigh. Jennifer choked on her drink once again and Tuck patted her back softly.

“No, we did not. We did agree to sell the manor, though,” Justin said as if it wasn’t a big deal when in reality just thinking about it made him want to rip his whole heart out and stomp on it a few times just to make sure it was truly dead before putting it back into his rib cage just so he didn’t have to deal with his feelings for Brian anymore. It was getting really tiring having to balance all of these emotions.

Justin didn’t even flinch when his mother choked for the third time. Maybe if she didn’t drink that damn bottle of water she wouldn’t choke all the time. 

“Aw, that’s sad man, I’m sorry,” Brandon pouted and Justin was kind of weirded out because of it. He didn’t imagine that the town’s new hotshot would act so childish in front of strangers. Even if he was basically part of the family. Still, they didn’t know each other that well, or rather at all for that matter. “Do you want me to knock some sense into him? I sort of always wanted to hit him at least once, but didn’t really have the reason to do so until now.”

“You touch him and I’ll make sure your dick is gone,” Justin answered without any ounce of hesitation in his body and got up from the couch despite his mother starting to cough again. God, with the amount of near asphyxiations she had in the last ten minutes, she’d make a horrible gay guy.”Leo and I are going to set the table,” he announced and stormed off into the kitchen with a confused Leo following him in there.

He didn’t want to sit through the whole dinner like that. All he wanted to do was curl up in Brian’s arms and forget about everything that happened the past eight months.

***

Driving down to West Virginia had never been Brian’s favorite pastime, especially on the weekend or when they were approaching, seeing as a lot more policemen were lurking around so he couldn’t drink. Normally he wouldn’t have cared, but that night he wanted to make it there safely. He heard a little voice in his head, his so-called conscience nagging at him to take the trip. 

Somehow he felt that he needed to do this in order for his inner peace to come back, because the little fucker seemed to have left hand in hand with Justin.

_ God, Justin. _

Upon stepping into the large hallway of Britin, Brian instantly remembered everything he and Justin had done there.

He remembered that fateful night when he proposed to Justin, calling him his prince and promising to make him happy.

Well, that had gone down the drain faster than his cum when he jerked off in the shower. He walked in a little bit further, grabbed a vase and threw it on the floor, watching as it broke into hundreds of tiny pieces at his feet. 

He remembered Justin running around the manor, happy, so unbelievably and unconditionally happy that it actually hurt. Planning their lives, rambling on about owning horses and dogs and God knows what else, only for Brian to push him against the wall and take him right then and there.

Brian walked into the kitchen, opened one of the cupboards and grabbed a pretty glass. He inspected it for a bit and then smashed it on the counter, breaking both the glass and the marble kitchen counter that they had breakfast at numerous times.

He felt strangely empty as he went around the whole living room just smashing and breaking things, grateful that they didn’t have any neighbors that could have heard what went down there. A while later, when he felt that the place was shaken up enough, he took a step back and slid down along the wall, circling his arms around his knee and took a moment to just think in silence.

Justin and him had so many fucking memories. They fucked so many times, kissed so many times and marked each other so often Brian felt his chest tighten at the thought of these.

And for what? For him to come here and practically destroy the dream home of his former lover just so they couldn't sell it? Because he was too much of a piece of shit to admit that he still loved Justin and all he wanted was to kiss every inch of his skin, to have him beg for more and more until he couldn’t even form coherent words? Brian didn’t know when the changing point had occurred. He had no idea when Justin had become so important to him that it hurt to breathe without him. All he could think about was the visions the younger had for them.

And he ruined them. He absolutely tore them into little pieces that couldn’t be put back together, not even by accident. He had made sure that the younger hated him for the rest of his life, but it had to be that way. Brian had fucked up things for him enough, starting with the fact that he fucked him more than once, thus creating a bond between them. 

Or whatever the fuck it was. It hurt, and that was crystal clear. Brian had no intention to try to make things better because he knew that he deserved it.  Justin would probably move on as soon as he went back to New York, and he would stay here in the Pitts, wondering what could have happened if he hadn’t sabotaged their own future together.

Though, he was aware that his Sunshine deserved way better than him, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit lost without the only person in his life that had accepted him just the way he was. The only person in his life that had never once questioned his love for him and he blew it. 

He blew the chance at a happy life simply because he couldn’t seem to grow up and better himself.

“God, Sunshine. What the fuck am I going to do when you’re gone for good?” he asked no one in particular.

_ “I don’t know, learn to blow yourself or something,” _ Justin would have answered, only he wasn’t there.

And he would never be.


	5. Chapter 5 - Sunshine and wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian comes to the rescue and Justin wishes things would go back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers!  
> Thank you all so much for all the support so far, I really appreciate it! I hope you're going to continue liking this fanfiction.   
> I feel the need to give a shoutout to my friend Rachel who has been a tremendous help while I was writing this, motivating me and giving me her opinions. So, thank you Rachel<3  
> Enjoy reading everyone;)

The music was loud and Justin, for the first time in his life felt kind of uncomfortable in the sea of hot, half-naked bodies just dancing away. He had been going to Babylon and other gay bars ever since he was seventeen but something about that night was just different. Off, if you will, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what felt wrong because the bar was the same as it had been for years.

The music, the lighting and faces were all the same, even after the bombing had occurred. Maybe it was the fact that he was completely alone, not even Leo had accompanied him saying that he was tired. Or maybe it was because of the dinner he had had a few hours ago at home. 

At first, everything seemed to be fine. Everyone was ignoring the conversation they had in the living room while eating the delicious home cooked meal that Jennifer had prepared for them from a scratch. Justin had been actually happy that everyone seemed to drop the topic of him and Brian not being together anymore and wanting to sell the manor. Sure, it hung above their heads like an unpleasant mistletoe, but Justin decided not to worry about it unless it was addressed again. Of course, the serenity could only last so long, and around dessert things escalated rather quickly, courtesy of Molly.

“So, when are you and Brian getting back together? I kind of miss him from family dinners,” Molly had said nonchalantly. Justin almost choked on his drink - seems like it was a family thing - and then glared at his little sister.”What? I’m just asking.”

“Mind your own fucking business, Molly,” Justin grumbled out, setting his fork down. His appetite completely disappeared at the mention of his ex-lover. Everything really did seem to revolve around Brian back here and he was getting truly sick of it right to his core. He had tried so hard to forget about what they had for so long and felt actually proud of himself for initiating the sale of the manor, the biggest thing that bonded them together, but everyone seemed to be working against his healing. He thought it was fucking ironic, seeing as in the past six years no one had done anything but try to separate them. Now that they weren’t together anymore, they wanted them to get back together and live happily ever after like nothing was wrong? It had to be a fucking joke.

“I’m just saying. He’s a really nice guy if you squint hard enough, and you’re great at taking his bullshit. Plus, you love him a lot, so I don’t really understand what the problem is. Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you the one stalking him?” Molly continued, taking a big bite from her slice of apple pie and Justin just wanted to reach over the table and strangle her to death. Sibling love, oh so beautiful. 

“That was six years ago. Brian and I are not getting back together. I’m sorry if that ruins all your fantasies about steamy gay sex, but maybe if you spent more time thinking about your own life, you wouldn’t feel the necessity to scoop around mine. Thanks for the dinner, mom, it was nice to meet you, Brandon. Bye,” he said pointedly and after offering a tight lipped smile to Tucker’s nephew he rushed out of the kitchen and up to his room where he sat down on his bed with a defeated sigh.

He wondered when all of this would be over. He pondered over when people would just stop trying to make something that clearly wasn’t working, work. His relationship with Brian was like a train-wreck from the very beginning and if he thought about it better, it only worked because he was a persistent little piece of shit who never gave up. And now that he, lo and behold, gave up, they weren’t together anymore.

It was a load of bullshit.

A gentle tap on his shoulder brought him back from his memories and he winced at the loud thumping of the music that registered in his head. He turned around and raised his eyebrows at the man standing in front of him. He had never seen him before, but the stranger was surely attractive with his black, longish hair and deep green eyes that held a certain glow to them. He was tall and well-built, too. Justin wondered if the unknown man was going to the gym regularly and fuck people in the steam room like Brian had for as long as he’s known him.

“Hey, sorry to bother you, you just looked awfully lonely,” the stranger grinned at him and stuck out his hand to shake Justin’s. Justin found this fucking weird. No one at Babylon had ever shaken his hand before and if the guy was trying to get laid he was doing an amazing job at accomplishing the opposite.”My name’s Beau. What’s your name, beautiful?”

Justin gagged. On God, he gagged, and he hoped that it wasn’t noticeable. Sure, the guy looked like a Greek god, but Justin wasn’t sure that he wanted to get fucked by him that night. All he really was looking for was just fooling around a bit with someone, just enough for his stress to lessen a bit. He had had a really shitty day and he wasn’t sure he could handle having to get someone off his back without having a mental breakdown or a temper tantrum. On the other hand, the man might have been just what Justin needed. A nameless, faceless trick that he could forget about for the rest of his life after fucking him once.

“My name is Justin. Buy me a drink?” he asked coyly and flashed his signature seductive smile at him before scooting closer.

And well, after that one drink the rest was history.

***

Brian woke up with a bitch of a headache. He wasn’t quite sure how he had gotten home after his little smashing - and not in the sexual way - session at Britin, but strangely enough he was glad that he didn’t end up dead in a ditch. He had a business to run after all, a very successful business that helped him pay the bills and buy alcohol, not even mentioning the drugs. He knew he should probably be cutting down on all of the substances he was consuming but it was easier said than done, plus he didn’t have a certain blond boy to keep him in check.

After half an hour of getting ready and trying to get rid of the pain he made his way over to Kinnetik where Cynthia was waiting for him with a friendly smile on her face, which meant that she was about to say something that would make Brian want to slit his throat and bleed out on the floor.

“Good morning, Brian. Slept well? I guess not, anyway,” she rambled on and them grinned awkwardly.

“Cut the shit out, what’s wrong? Did Leo Brown die? Am I losing money?” he asked her as he was putting down his bag on his desk and turning on the computer.

“No, but the GLC called last night. You weren’t here, but they need your help. They want you to attend the show today, to, you know kind of show that Kinnetik’s gay boss gives a fuck about the community. They also said that the little gay boys desperate for your attention would bring more awareness to the cause they are supporting and all. I think it’s a great opportunity to mingle with companies that support LGBT folk, Brian. Expanding the company,” Cynthia said carefully.

Brian’s heart skipped a beat and his headache intensified when he realized that Justin would surely be at the show seeing as it was his work that was going to be displayed there among other artists’ paintings. He chewed on his bottom lip for a little while, seriously contemplating on just kicking Cynthia out of his office so he could go back to doing the company’s business and then go home to sleep, but then he thought better. When had he ever refused a chance to expand the number of clients he already was associated with? Furthermore, when did he ever let Justin and his business meddle with the way he ran Kinnetik?

Exactly. Never. So this wasn’t the time to start all that dyke shit, he had to suck it up. He was Brian Kinney after all. 

“Okay. Call them back and let them know that I’ll be there. At what time does the show start?” he asked as he got ready to check his e-mails and go over a few ideas that the art department presented to him of the new Brown Athletics campaign. 

“Five. Thanks, you’re a doll,” Cynthia grinned and then rushed out of the office.

Brian knew he had a very. very long day ahead and he didn’t look forward to it at all.

Five in the afternoon rolled around a lot sooner than he would have hoped for and he quickly found himself walking aimlessly around the people present at the show. He wasn’t interested in the cause to say the least but he guessed that he owed Justin this much, even though he wasn’t exactly sure what favor he did the kid, but he decided not to dwell on it for too long. It wasn’t as if he didn’t already think about Justin all day long...Right. He needed a fucking drink.

He strolled to the bar section of the exhibition and ordered himself a shot of Jim Beam deciding that it was enough to get him through the night. He was about to drink the content of the glass when he heard a feminine, albeit familiar voice. He furrowed his eyebrows but his facial expression softened as soon as he turned around and saw Daphne, Justin’s best friend with a girl he didn’t know right next to her.

“Ah, Ms.Chanders. What a pleasant surprise to see among these fags. The original fag hag,” he teased her sarcastically and Daphne laughed quietly before shaking her head and hugging him. Brian didn’t return the gesture feeling that it was extremely awkward and uncomfortable to hug the best friend of your ex boyfriend but the girl didn’t mind.”So, what are you doing here? Decided to join the Empire of the Dykes at last?”

“Shut up. I’m supporting Justin. This is Rachel, my extremely cute roommate. Rachel, this is Brian, the heart-breaker of Liberty Avenue and Justin’s ex boyfriend. Fiance. Whatever,” she said gesturing to the dark haired girl standing beside her.

“Ouch, you just have to rub it in, don’t you?” Brian grimaced before taking Rachel’s hand and kissing it swiftly.”Nice to meet you.”

“Shit, you  _ are _ a gorgeous piece of meat. Just like Daph has told me,” Rachel swooned.”If you ever decide to go straight, just give me a call please.”

“Sorry to inform you, but I’m heterophobic. Always was, always will be. Now, if you two ladies excuse me, I’m going to go congratulate the hotshot of this show. Later,” he said and after pressing a quick kiss on Daphne’s cheek he put the glass down on the counter and went to find Justin. When he finally spotted him he saw that his Sunshine was already talking to someone. He contemplated leaving them alone and mingling with the big business men instead, but then he noticed Justin’s facial expression and body language. He looked extremely uncomfortable with his arms intertwined in front of himself. The stranger man also stood a bit too close for his liking and when his instincts kicked in he decided to make his way over to them. 

***

Justin was having a really hard time getting rid of this very particular trick. He knew it had been a really bad idea to go home with Whats-His-Name the previous night. The guy was so clingy it was actually starting to worry him and even at times like this he wondered if he had been so annoying to Brian. 

“Look, Mark. I’m sorry if you think this is ever going to be more than a one night stand, but it’s not. I’m not interested in you like that,” he said desperately trying to keep his voice low enough. He knew that there were some art critics lurking around and he wanted to give a really good impression of himself in hopes of scoring some new shows or exhibitions, maybe even back in New York. 

“My name is Beau,” the guy replied dumbfounded . 

“Yeah, well, same thing. I’m not interested. Please just leave me alone,” he grumbled out, feeling like a helpless teenager again. Never once did he have to deal with someone who wanted to force something on him, well, besides the incident with Sap, but that wasn’t the point. The man was so fucking persistent Justin just wanted to kick him in the balls.

“Yeah, well, all I’m saying is that maybe if you gave me a chance you’d realize that we are a perfect match. Just one date. And if you don’t like me afterwards I’ll leave you alone, I promise,” the guy looked fucking pathetic begging like that. 

Sure, it was flattering to some extent but Justin was still freaked out by the latter’s advances. 

The Gods must have answered his prayers because the next moment, just before he wanted to answer two strong arms circled around his waist and Justin’s breath was taken away.

He’d recognize those two hands anywhere, as well as the scent that came with them. He allowed himself to melt in Brian’s embrace for a little while, just enjoying the warmth the older man radiated, but just as he would have started to go down a memory lane the latter broke away from him. He was standing close to his back still, but Justin didn’t like the way he wasn’t wrapped around him anymore.

God, Brian fucking Kinney still made his heart skip so many beats one would think he was having a heart attack.

“Is there any problem?” Brian asked sternly, eyeing the man standing opposite of them up and down, not liking the way he was looking at his Sunshine like he wanted to eat him right up. Oh sweet baby Jesus, was he becoming a fucking lesbian?

“No, Brian. Everything is fine. The gentleman was about to leave, right, Mark?” Justin scowled at the dark haired guy, certainly feeling more powerful with Brian by his side.

His whole life had come to be a fucking joke. Great.

“My fucking name is Beau!” the guy said with a frustrated facial expression and then stormed off admitting his defeat. It was a huge relief for Justin, but he suddenly remembered that nothing was okay between him and Brian so he stepped back a bit, distancing himself from his ex lover.

They stared at each other for a little while and Justin found himself getting lost in Brian’s green eyes. They were missing the glow they usually had and the artist wondered if it was because of him. He didn’t know how much the situation affected Brian but it broke his heart to see the dark circles under those beautiful eyes and once again he found himself wishing that things could go back to the way they were before. He opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t seem to find the right words.

What was he even supposed to say? ‘Brian, I fucking miss you and it hurts to breathe without you, please stop pulling this one particular Kinney-cliff and come back to me’?

That was a mouthful and it wasn’t as if Brian would have listened anyway. He never did.

So, what was the point?

“See you around, Sunshine,” Brian said breaking the silence and then turned on his heels to leave.

And whilst Justin was trying to gulp down the lump that had formed in his throat, Brian found himself longing for the time when he could kiss the only source of light in his life of darkness.

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6 - Rings and tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get an insight at what some of the little family think about the situation and Justin returns something back to Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers!  
> I hope you all had a great start to this week. Unfortunately, I'll be having some exams in the upcoming days so I won't be able to write. The soonest I can bring you the new chapter is Friday, so please bear with me until then!  
> Have a great evening and enjoy reading<3

Things weren’t calm at the Bruckner-Novotny home. 

Ben was stressed because his latest book hadn’t done as well as he would have hoped so, Hunter was screaming about dicks and Michael was in the midst of it all, as hopeless as ever. He honestly couldn’t find the patience he needed to deal with those two and that wasn’t something that happened a lot. He was usually very calm and collected when he wasn’t throwing one of his temper tantrums, but that one afternoon he just couldn’t handle anyone. He was also supposed to get the kid’s room ready because JR was supposed to come spend a few days with him the next week while Gus was to be taken in by Brian so that the lesbians - namely Lindsay and Melanie - could go to New York to a show Linds was supposed to be organizing. He knew he still had a lot of shit to do, but he felt that he wasn’t able to take anything more.

“Like, what am I supposed to do, stick my hand down his pants on the first date? I might have been a whore out on the streets half of my life, but now I have an actual family. I’m not jeopardizing that, what the fuck,” he heard Hunter ramble on from the couch while he was trying to put the dishes away from the dishwasher. Ben only snickered and shook his head before resuming to grading the essays he had assigned for his students about a month ago, so naturally, Mikey was the one who was supposed to answer their son and supply him with dating advice. Hell if he knew how teenage relationships worked.”Well, Michael? Aren’t you going to say anything?” Hunter asked him a minute later and the comic book writer was starting to get extremely frustrated.

“I have no flying idea, Hunter. I was never opposed to sticking my hand down someone’s pants on the first date, how do you expect me to advise you on that?” he sighed, finally putting away the last dish. After that he sat down next to Ben at the kitchen table and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his husband’s head. It still felt a little bit surreal to call Ben that, but he had gotten more used to it now than he was before. 

“Well, shit. Anyway, when’s Brian coming around again? Haven’t seen his hot ass in a while,” Hunter smiled mischievously. His attraction to Brian had become an inside joke in the family by now, but Mikey still never knew when he was actually serious and when he was kidding. He decided to ignore whatever meaning the question might have had and moved to sit on the couch instead before answering his adoptive son.

“Brian is going through what one might call a midlife crisis. I mean, he’s always been crazy, but never like this. I can’t even comprehend what’s going through his mind dropping Justin like that. Poor kid was devastated, he even wanted to kill JT in the new issue of Rage. Heaven knows what would have happened if I didn’t stop him,” Michael grumbled tiredly. 

“Wow, look at you, defending him and not Brian for once. Is this a character development?”Ben teased from the table and Mikey only aimed a pillow at him in response.”For real though, love, they are both adults, I’m sure it’s going to work out just fine if that’s also what the universe wants.”

“What if Brian is just scared? I mean, he almost lost Justin twice, and God knows how many times they broke up, so, what if he’s just actually protecting himself? You know, the classic case of dumping someone before they dump you so you aren’t that depressed,” Hunter said simply while shrugging his shoulders and switching rapidly through the channels of the TV. Ben and Mikey looked at him with a dumbfounded expression on their faces.”What? I’m good at feelings, not just sex,” Hunter teased them and Mikey groaned.

“Shut up, Hunter,” he said closing his eyes.

He thought it was weird, but what if the kid was actually right? If so, Brian was such an idiot. He wanted to call him and interrogate him a bit, but then he remembered what Ben had said a few minutes ago and thought better.

Brian - and now Justin too - _ was _ an adult. They could sort it out.

Or at least he hoped so, because having the little family broken up was bad enough without the power couple fighting.

***

Justin was rummaging through the bags he had brought to Pittsburgh. He hadn’t actually unloaded any of his luggage yet because well, he was a lazy piece of shit. He also didn’t think he needed it, but he was beginning to realize that his room was starting to look the way it had been when he was still living with his mother.

While he was combing through the one of the suitcases his hand found one of Brian’s older t-shirts he had brought to New York with him after their last meeting before Brian just walked out of his life. He slowly lifted the fabric to his nose and took a deep breath, hoping to find that calming smell of Gucci cologne and cheap cigarettes still embedded in it, only to be disappointed. It just smelled like him now. He might have washed it at some point and he cursed himself for doing so, because he felt that now no part of Brian was with him anymore.

Then again, when he thought about it more deeply he questioned his need of being around Brian. After all, the older had been the one to walk out on him, hadn’t he?

He threw the t-shirt on the bed angrily and decided to unpack. It took him about an hour and a half to get all of his clothes in order and then in the closet, but eventually he finished, except one piece.

He looked at the simple, neat black V-neck and sighed, picking it up from his bed.

He wasn’t actually mad or angry at Brian, no. He could never truly hate the older seeing as he was his first - and frankly, only - love, he was just… Disappointed. Not to mention sad, but he also felt weird about the whole ordeal. It wasn’t like any of their other break-ups had been and he sincerely hoped that it wasn’t because this time they were separating for good. He didn’t even want to let that thought cross his mind, but it was a possibility. Well, not for him anyway, but he was sure that he and Mr. Kinney weren’t on the same fucking page about this.

In the heat of the moment he decided that two could play that game. 

He grabbed the clothing piece, his keys that still had the key of the loft on them and put on the wedding ring before storming downstairs where his mother stared after him dumbfounded.

“Justin! Where are you going?” Jennifer asked him.”Dinner is almost ready honey, and it’s too early for you to be going out to Babylon. Especially without Leo.”

“I have to go to Kinnetik to give Brian back some of his stuff like the fucking key to the loft and his stupid t-shirt. I’ll be back later,” he grumbled before rushing out of the house.

Jennifer sighed and put down the spatula she was holding. Her heart ached for her two sons - because yes, she considered Brian her son-in-law no matter what the circumstances were -, although she couldn’t help but feel that they were acting like dumb teenagers. She prayed that neither of them did anything foolish, but even she had to admit that it was impossible with those two.

***

Cynthia knew it would be a bad day as soon as she had woken up. No, it wasn’t because she spilled her coffee all over her new, white, extremely rug, but because Brian’s eyebags were noticeable from at least a hundred miles away and they certainly weren’t Louis Vuitton. She had hoped that by sending Brian directly and not someone else from the company to the show, things would somehow magically be restored to the way they were the previous day, but apparently they really didn’t live in the enchanted world of Harry fucking Potter, so now she had to deal with a really pissed off Brian Kinney who was shouting at everything and anything that moved.

God, whoever said ‘happy wife happy life’ was a moron. Everyone knew the accurate expression was ‘happy boss happy everything’, especially at Kinnetik.

So when Justin showed up at around six in the evening, just right before Cynthia was about to start packing to go home, she almost ripped all of her hair out.

“Hey, Cynthia,” Justin greeted her politely.”Is Brian available at the moment or is he busy fucking the head of the Art department?”

“Hello, Mr.Taylor. Yes, Brian isn’t busy at the moment, you can go up. And he strictly follows the rule of not fucking colleagues. Has been ever since the incident with Kip,” she grinned at him, instantly recognizing the signs of jealousy Justin showed when he asked her about the affairs of Brian. 

God, they were still so in love with each other. Thing was, love was almost never enough.

The boy only nodded at her and took a sharp left turn in the direction of his ex boyfriend’s office.

***

It wasn’t that Brian didn’t enjoy seeing Justin every day, but judging by the younger man’s face he really wasn’t ready to deal with whatever that was about to be thrown at him. He hoped that whatever it was, Justin didn’t physically throw it at him because let’s be honest, he still needed that gorgeous face, and not only for scoring tricks, but also for sealing business deals. Like he had previously done on that day. His looks were definitely a perk in the business life and he didn’t mind throwing in a few smiles here and there to seduce new clients into signing a contract with his company.

Though, his heart rate picked up almost instantly as he saw the facial expression of his former love. It didn’t hold anything good and Brian gulped a bit.

“Yes, Justin? What is it so important that you come barging into my office like a madman?” he said calmly, raising his left eyebrow. It physically hurt him to be talking like that to his Sunshine, but what had to be done, had to be done without discussion. 

“I’m not going to steal a lot of your time, don’t worry, you can go back to searching for tricks online in a few minutes,” Justin smiled at him sarcastically, then he put down th V-neck on the desk.”This is yours, I just found it today and I thought you might like to have it back. I have a few of your shirts in New York, I’m going to bring them back next time,” he said trying to seem as low-key and tranquil as possible, despite the tears that were threatening to escape from his eyes.

Brian stared at the t-shirt for a little while before clearing his throat and dumping it in the trash can next to him in a smooth motion. 

Justin couldn’t hide his surprise even if he wanted to and was actually flabbergasted at how much it hurt seeing Brian do that. It was as if he’d just swept off a piece of Justin’s soul from his desk, completely disregarding it without a second thought.

“Yes, right. Anything else you wanted to discuss? I don’t have a lot of time,” Brian said without any emotion adorning his voice.  Justin forced the key off his key-chain and put it in front of Brian with shaky hands.”What’s that?” the older asked.

“It’s the key to the loft you gave me before I left last year. Since it took up space and it’s not like I need it anymore I figured I’d give this back too,” he smiled sadly, trying so desperately hard not to cry but he could already feel the lump forming in his throat.

Then, when Justin reached for the band around the fourth finger of his left hand, the feeling of  _ dread _ and  _ absolute panic _ crept up Brian’s spine, spreading through his chest and finally tightening around his throat and heart like a deadly rope ready to kill him.

“ **Don’t** ,” he whispered quietly, reaching over the desk and wrapping his fingers around Justin’s wrist powerlessly.

And when the ring fell onto the desk all air left Brian’s lungs and he felt as if the world had just turned gray and everything had died in the blink of an eye.

  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7 - Hot pink and orange

Justin didn’t think he would make it home with the way his heart was beating painfully fast and chest tightening to the point he felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of his lungs. He felt dizzy as he stumbled up the stairs to the entrance door, trying desperately to control his breathing. The thoughts running through his head were certainly no help, nor was the way his left arm felt paralyzed. Justin felt truly trapped inside his whole body. When he finally made it into the house safely he collapsed right next to the door and wheezed while pressing his head in between his knees while frantically trying to calm down.

_ Brian was gone for good. He’d left him because he was never enough. He’d walked out on him because Justin always demanded too much, always asked for too many things; because he was just plain annoying.  _

_ Oh God, I’m going to die, _ he thought as tears were rolling down his cheeks and the feeling of nausea was starting to settle in his stomach.

“Justin? Fuck!” he heard Leo’s voice faintly through the sound of his heart pumping blood into his veins. “It’s okay, you can get through this. I’m going to touch your shoulder, okay?” his best friend asked before laying his hand gently on Justin’s body in a comforting way. He wasn’t a stranger to his panic attacks and Justin was eternally grateful that Leo knew how to handle the situation. He didn’t have the attacks very often, not after he managed to get through the first shock-wave of Brian ghosting him, but it seemed that now, as he was trying to get closure for the both of them, he’d ultimately done the opposite. God, he wouldn’t have thought that giving the ring back to his ex lover was going to affect him this much, but here he was, in his mother’s hallway, having the worst panic attack of his life.

“Justin, follow my breathing, okay?” Leo said as he lightly lifted Justin’s right hand and put it on his chest so that the younger could physically feel the raising and falling of it as he slowly breathed in and out.”That’s right, one, two, three, four...Count with me Justin, you’re doing an amazing job. One, two, three…”

It had gone like that between the two of them for a little while more before Justin was eventually able to calm down a bit. He didn’t feel the buzzing sound of his blood pumping anymore and could finally control his breathing again. He squeezed Leo’s hand and let his head fall onto his best friend’s shoulder before he sobbed for a bit.

“That’s it, you’re back, honey. You did so well, I’m very proud of you,” the Italian boy smiled at him widely before pressing a kiss onto his forehead that was a bit sweaty. It didn’t bother him though, he was just happy that Justin was feeling alright at last. He couldn’t help but wonder what could have triggered the attack. He hadn’t had them in so long.

“Yeah, fuck,” Justin snorted, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie.”I’m sorry. I don’t know what went wrong, it was supposed to make me feel lighter, I just...Lost it, I guess. I’m sorry, Leo,” he whispered, tearing up again. He felt like such a useless piece of weak shit. 

“Don’t you ever apologize to me. What happened? This is one of the worst attacks you’ve had since I met you last year,” Leo said, gently stroking Justin’s slightly damp hair. “Talk to me, June.”

There was a long silence between them after that. Justin was trying to gather his thoughts and wrap his head around what tonight had meant in the long-run while Leo was waiting patiently for his best friend to pull himself together a bit. He never wanted to rush the other one into anything especially knowing that talking about Brian had always been somewhat hard for Justin, seeing as Daphne had been the only person to ever support their relationship in the first place, and so he wasn’t used to talking about the older man too much.

“I gave Brian’s t-shirt back, along with the emergency key to the loft,” Justin said after a few long moments of complete quietness. “And the ring,” he added quickly, shutting his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“What the  _ fuck _ ,” slipped from the other man’s lips. “Why would you do that, June? You loved that ring. It was your little piece of Brian.”

“Yeah, well, Brian doesn’t want to do anything with me, Lenny. Plus, I’m not a desperate teenager anymore. He didn’t want me to stay, so for the first time in my life, I didn’t,” he said, a smile filled with pain stretching across his face.

Leo only sighed and tightened his arms around the shorter as he felt the hot tears on the side of his neck where Justin buried his face in his warm skin.

***

Brian sat on the couch of his carefully decorated room in complete silence and dark. The moonlight was the only source of light in the whole loft and Brian didn’t find the strength in him to get up and turn any of the lamps on. He just sat there in silence, trying his best to keep it together after what had happened earlier that evening.

He was so used to Justin running after him like a lost puppy every time he did something stupid that now that the younger stood on his own feet for once and showed him what he was made of, Brian didn’t know what to do in the situation. He never anticipated this entire breaking up thing that had been dragging on for the past eight months to be this hard. He never truly acknowledged the depth of the feelings he held for the younger one and he felt truly pathetic for sitting there and brooding over someone who was supposed to be a one time fuck and nothing more.

It had been well over six years ago now though, and Brian knew Justin was never just a quick fuck. How could he be?

With the way his blue eyes held a certain glow to them whenever he looked at Brian or got excited about something ridiculously mundane, and the way his hips swayed whenever he was rushing around the kitchen or from the studio to the living room to get a new painting brush from his bag and eventually forgetting something again just to go back multiple times before actually starting to paint-- Point was, Justin **fucking** Taylor was  _ everywhere _ and Brian was - once again - painfully reminded that the only thing that had ever made him truly happy besides sex, was gone. And he probably never come back because Brian had fucked up big time and maybe it was a tiny bit too late to do something about that.

His gaze shifted to one of the paintings hung up on his wall. The artist was, of course, Justin and the strokes on the canvas seemed almost melancholic the way they were illuminated by the pale moonlight. Brian sighed and put the round piece of jewelry into the box it belonged in and then set the teeny object down. He still remembered the sound the ring made when it had connected with the desk in his office at Kinnetik. It haunted him like a fucking nightmare and he couldn't get it out of his head no matter how hard he tried. The way Justin had blatantly ignored his silent plea made him sick to the bottom of his stomach and he cursed himself for letting the boy get so close to him. He was ludicrously stupid. After all, he knew that all relationships were destined to fail and crash from the very start. If he had just kicked out Justin that one morning then none of this would have happened.

_ Sure, Kinney, keep telling yourself that _ , a faint voice whispered to him from the back of his mind in a very annoying manner. Brian hated having a conscience sometimes. 

He sighed miserably before laying down on the sofa and closed his eyes in hopes of falling asleep and realizing that this all was just a horrible nightmare.

***

The next morning the little family - minus Brian and Justin, of course - were gathered around their usual table at the Liberty Diner. Michael was picking at his food, listening to Emmett and Hunter bickering about something mundane, Ben was reading a book while sipping on an Americano coffee and Ted was well...Just Ted, eating his usual tuna sandwich with mayo, no fucks given whatsoever. 

“All I’m saying, Emmett, is that if you wear those hideous pink pants with that atrocious orange tank top to my birthday party I’m going to actually throw up the cake. The whole cake, Emmett, not just bits and pieces,” Hunter said exasperatedly.

“Baby, you just don’t know what gay fashion is yet,” Emmett waved him off, and Hunter sighed defeated. No, he would never get it through Emmett’s head that  _ hot pink _ and fucking  _ orange _ did _ not _ match. Not even when you squinted.

“Hey, isn’t Brian usually here by now?” Ben asked suddenly and all of them looked at him in surprise. “What? Just because I don’t really like the guy doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t want the family to be whole,” he shrugged.

“Speak of the Devil and he shall appear,” Ted muttered just as an extremely grumpy Brian slid next to him. 

“Hey, sexy,” Hunter batted his eyelashes exactly until Michael slapped the back of his head.“Fuck you, Michael.”

“Yeah, fuck you, Mikey,” Brian mocked the kid while groaning and holding his head. “I have a bitch of a headache. You know, a  _ certain _ annoying blonde twink visited me at the office last night and threw a temper tantrum right before slamming his fucking ring in front of me. Great, isn’t it?” he said sarcastically while taking a bite from Ted’s sandwich despite the other’s protests.

“Well, you did leave him hanging like the asshole you are,” Hunter said simply, taking a sip from his tea and ignoring the way Brian looked like he wanted to kill him.

“It’s for his own good,” he said, shaking his head. Why didn’t anyone get it?

They weren’t  _ right _ together. They always hurt each other in ways the others couldn’t even imagine, yet everyone seemed to be wanting them to get back together. He didn’t understand the hype around his relationship - or lack of it - with the artist. He knew it was his fault, but he was only protecting Justin from further damage. 

Yet, still, when he saw Justin walk through the entrance of the diner looking beautiful as ever, his heart swelled and butterflies still gathered in his stomach, batting their wings in a way of telling Brian to man up and just kiss the hell out of the love of his life until everything turned back to normal.

And when the blond flashed his signature Sunshine smile to everyone but him, he felt the world crumble down once again.


	8. Chapter 8 - Weed and advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the intervention of Jennifer, we're finally getting somewhere... Or are we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My titles are getting worse as the days pass.  
> Enjoy<3  
> xoxo

Daphne had just woken up with hair tangled in a mess that was practically impossible to see through. She knew she trashed around a lot in her sleep - her boyfriend, Rick never failed to mention it -, but she wouldn’t have thought that it was that bad. Well, apparently it was, and Justin didn’t hold back from telling her. Daphne wasn’t even sure how Justin got into their apartment in the first place, but that wasn’t the most concerning thing about the situation. No, it was the way her best friend looked.

Justin looked positively like shit that’s been washed out, eaten and then spat out again. The dark circles around his bloodshot, blue eyes weren’t a nice look on him and Daphne wondered just how many people got scared of him on his way there. Although she knew it wasn’t the best time for cracking jokes, she felt that maybe that’s what was needed to lighten up the mood, and so she told Justin he looked like a really fuckable Tim Burton character. Her best friend didn’t seem to appreciate the attempt she made at cheering him up so she shut up and started rummaging through the kitchen cabinets in hopes of finding some snacks they could munch on while Justin cried his heart out because of Brian for the hundredth time in the six measly years of knowing him. Sometime she got tired of hearing the same thing over and over again but then she always remembered the way Justin was always there for her, no exceptions and no questions asked. For example, before he left for New York Daphne had a pregnancy scare, and as soon as she had cried her trouble to him through the phone, Justin had went to the nearest pharmacy, bought her a test and sat through it with her. Obviously, when they found out she wasn’t pregnant, Justin breathed a sigh of relief which at first had offended Daphne to no end, but after about five minutes of pouting because of it she realized that he just didn’t want her to have to drop out of school to be able to raise the baby. And so, she put up with it. 

“So, you’re crying on my couch because  _ you  _ gave him back your ring?” she stared at her best friend who was currently all curled up under her favorite blanket while watching a romantic movie, tears glistening in his eyes. She would have felt sorry for him, had he not uttered such bullshit.

“What part of the fucking story didn’t you understand? God, one would think you’d be smarter than that, you know, attending medical school and all that,” he said grumpily shoving down another fistful of Gripz down his throat. Well, he had always been good at swallowing.

“Justin, I’m not sure anyone has ever told you this before, but you are actually so dumb. It hurts me physically how stupid you are. I’m not even kidding right now,” Daphne said, gripping her hair tightly and then rubbing her face in an annoyed matter. “You were there, at his office. From what I understood, and trust me, I believe I did, he deliberately asked you not to give the ring back. But you didn’t listen to him and now here you are, looking like shit and getting snot all over my favorite Disney princess blanket, is that right?” Daphne asked with a sigh and Justin only nodded like a little kid who had just been scolded. And in a sense he was. He  _ knew  _ Daphne was right in a way, but he was so tired of putting up with Brian’s shit, he just simply couldn’t do it anymore.

“You know I love you, but you fucked up big time. For the first time in his life, he asked you to  _ stay, _ and you didn’t. What is wrong with you? Did all that New York air change the neurons in your brain from ‘super smart’ to ‘dumb as shit’?” she asked confusedly.”For six years you bitched to me about him never asking you to be there with him and when he does, you disregard it as if it probably didn’t take him all of his balls to say that.”

“I’m just sick and tired of following him around, Daph,” Justin said irritably. “I love him to death. It rips me apart that we aren’t together, but he took that decision on his own, just like he did before every time something went to shit. Except this time I’m not sure what was wrong, and I’m not willing to give in to a mere whisper of ‘Don’t’. I’m done playing his games, Daphne. A relationship takes two people and if he wants to keep on doing everything by himself then by all means he can continue doing that. Just not with me,” Justin said quietly, snuggling deeper into the comfort of the blanket as Daphne sat next to him and hugged him tightly.

The girl knew that her best friend was a persistent little shit and whenever Justin got all depressed and ready to give up on something like he’d done just now, she knew that the problem was bigger than anyone initially thought.

She hated seeing the boy whose smile had brought joy to so many people, be that torn up about something he technically had no control over and she made a mental note to drop by Kinnetik sometime to talk to a certain someone.

***

Jennifer was rushing around the kitchen trying to get all of the food done in time. She was beyond grateful that Justin wasn’t at home, although she felt a bit bad for Leo. The poor boy had only come to Pittsburgh to see the town and get away from some of the stress roaming New York’s streets, only to be caught up in a family issue that he wasn’t even part of. Though, she had to admit that with the way Leo had handled Justin’s panic attack a few days prior so fabulously. She didn’t doubt that they were great friend and she was really glad that her son wasn’t so alone in the big city.

She stirred the stew she was making while simultaneously checking on the rice. She sighed softly before turning off the stove and setting the wooden spoon down to let the food cool down. It was only five in the afternoon but she knew that if she wanted to take care of a couple of things before dinner and of course, before the boys came home, she knew she had to hurry. 

Jennifer went into the bedroom she sometimes shared with Tucker and after a few minutes of just rummaging around the not-so-organized closet she finally picked out a cream colored pantsuit that hugged her body in all the right places. She knew that for someone in their late-forties she was still a goddess and that made her feel so much better about herself. It wasn’t that she was vain, she just liked dealing with people better when she was feeling confident. Confidence gave her a feeling of security like nothing else before and she knew it also played a big part in her being able to finally leave Craig and his dumbass ways. 

She brushed her hair once again, put on some of her favorite rose scented perfume and made her way into the kitchen again. She got out two plastic boxes from one of the cabinets and filled one with the stew she had made earlier and the other one with rice. She sealed them and put them in a bag before putting on her signature high heels and went to her car. She carefully placed the food into the trunk of the vehicle and drove away from her house.

About twenty minutes later she arrived at her destination and she took a deep breath before willing herself to get out of the car and made her way over to the well-known door. She punched in the code she already knew by heart before making her way to the elevator and onto the right floor. She felt ridiculous for the way her heart was beating and hands were shaking, but truth be told, the man had always intimidated her a bit. Only a tiny bit, and she was professional enough not to show it.

She knocked a few times on the massive metal door and heard an annoyed groan before said door slid open and there stood a very surprised and also seemingly high Brian Kinney in… Sweatpants? Jennifer furrowed her eyebrows and realized that the problem was bigger than she had originally thought. Justin getting panic attacks again, and now Brian in fucking sweatpants? The Earth was surely not rotating the way it should be. 

“Jennifer?” asked Brian dumbstruck. “Not to be rude or anything, you know how I’d hate to be like that, but what the actual fuck are you doing here?” he asked before taking a deep drag from the cigarette he was holding. Jennifer was sure that it was  _ not  _ a freaking regular cigarette.

“I brought you dinner. Mind if I come in?” she smiled softly and Brian only sighed, stepping aside and allowing the petite woman to walk into the loft.

Jennifer looked around and didn’t fail to notice her son’s art pieces on the wall. The apartment still held an essence of Justin, and her heart actually ached for her almost son-in-law. Sure, at first she hadn’t been approving of their relationship but as the years passed she realized that technically no one with better with her son than Brian. Which is why she didn’t understand the separation between the two of them at all. 

“The place still looks nice,” she turned to him after putting the bag down on the marble kitchen counter. “I made stew and rice, I tried to make it as low-fat as possible so that you don’t have to spend extra minutes on the treadmill,” she said before making herself comfortable on one of the chairs despite Brian not asking her to.

“That’s very… Nice of you and all, but I know it’s not why you’re truly here. So, spit it out,” he grumbled before taking another drag from the joint and coughing a bit. He accidentally made it too strong, but whatever. Martha’s drugs were always as if she’d grown the herbs and cooked them in a bathtub in Tijuana. 

“I remember the first time Justin talked about you. I’m not referring to the time when he told me he liked getting… Jesus, fucked in the ass by you,” she shuddered and Brian snickered bemusedly, despite the heavy feeling that settled in his chest at the mention of his former lover. “It was after the bashing. He was rambling on about you being the most amazing asshole he’s ever met. His words, not mine,” she chuckled quietly and then raised her sad eyes, looking into Brian’s deep hazel orbs. 

“Well, how cute. That all?” Brian said, curling his lips inwards in an irritated manner. It hurt. It fucking hurt hearing about Justin and imagining him stumbling over his words trying to rush them out and-- Fuck,he missed the younger. 

“Then when he found out you had cancer he got so,  _ so scared _ Brian. I’ve never seen him like that ever since he thought a shark was trying to eat him at a pool when he was six. He thought he’d lose you for good, and then when you kicked him out he cried for days,” Jennifer reminisced and Brian bit down on his lower lip, putting out the joint. He wasn’t in the mood for weed anymore, as weird as that was. Being reminded of the times he’d hurt Justin involuntarily made him think that maybe, after all, not everything he’d done driven by good nature had been exactly good to his Sunshine.

“What are you trying to achieve by this, Jennifer? Your son made it crystal clear that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. He gave me the ring back, I think that’s a big ass hint,” he explained to her while running his fingers through his hair with a tired, but still somehow irritated sigh escaping his plump lips.

“You can’t just walk out on him whenever you get scared of being committed to someone. I’m not even talking about physically being committed to someone, Brian, because Heaven knows you’d go crazy. And I know you don’t believe me, but it’s okay to fall in love once in a while,” she said softly, getting up from the chair she was sitting on, gently giving Brian’s shoulder a squeeze and leaving him alone, quietly sliding the loft’s door shut.

Brian silently took out the boxes with the food that was still hot in them and put some rice and stew on a plate before sitting down on his couch and starting to eat.

Jennifer’s words played in his head over and over again, embedding themselves into his brain and in the heat of the moment he decided he’d do something either very foolish, or the thing that would ultimately drive back his Sunshine into his arms.

After finishing his dinner he walked over to his desk and opened the bottom drawer, taking out the ring he hadn’t worn for over a year. With a soft smile playing at the edges of his mouth he slid the jewelry onto his finger and put the empty box back to its rightful place.

He knew that a stupid wedding band wasn’t going to solve all of their problems, but even while being high as a kite he knew that Jennifer’s words held some truth to them.

After all, he couldn’t just let Justin walk away without putting up a fight first, could he? That wouldn’t be a Kinney-move.


	9. Chapter 9 - Zucchini and making amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is getting his head out of his ass, whereas Justin wants nothing more than to stick something up the said ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best, not my worst. Just wanted to bring something happy, as well as get this idea out of my head. Enjoy.  
> xoxo

A few days passed, and the diner wasn’t as busy as usual at lunch that day. Debbie was slightly grateful for that, seeing as she hadn’t slept much the previous night. She had to admit that her age was catching up to her whether she liked it or not. As she looked over at the booth where her boys usually sat at, she couldn’t help but feel the sense of pride surge through her veins. She remembered Michael as a toddler who pooped his diapers basically at any given chance. Then she remembered the months when him and Brian got closer as days passed by. At first she had been extremely happy that her son was finally not alone at school, fighting off bullies by himself, but had a friend who was always there for him. Then she got to know Brian like the back of her hand and she realized that maybe the boy wasn’t the best influence on her only heir, although she never really admitted that out loud until a few years ago when Brian had outed Michael in front of Tracy. Sure, she understood that the boy was in a tough position, seeing as he had grown up in a physically and emotionally abusive household, but as every mother, she didn’t want her son to get dragged into whatever Brian was getting into. Thankfully, the younger had always looked out for Michael in his own hedonistic ways so Debbie didn’t have to worry much.

But now, as she saw the deep lines tracing Brian’s facial features as he frowned almost all the time, her heart ached. She knew it was because Brian was being a moron again, but this time Sunshine didn’t seem too eager to get back together with the older as he’d usually be, and Debbie was concerned to say the least. Seeing the both of them being hurt over each other just because neither of the two could compromise made her very sad, but she knew that she couldn’t step in. Maybe a while ago she would have, but she realized that this was _their_ battle, and no matter how badly she wanted to lock them up in a room together so that they could make up, she had to let them fight their own wars. Whether it be together or separately.

“What can I get you boys today?” she went over to them grinning, just as Justin and the new boy, Leo walked into the restaurant. Justin seemed really out of it, his bloodshot eyes and pale face noticeable from far away. God, Debbie was going to kill Brian someday. “Well, hello there Sunshine. Or should I say ‘Rain’? You look like shit, sweetie,” she offered him a kind smile while he slid into the booth next to Emmett, and opposite to Brian. The woman also noticed how Justin never once looked into the older man’s direction.

“I’ll just have the usual,” Ted said, and everyone followed his suit. Debbie ran her fingers through the youngest boy’s hair before making her way to the kitchen.

“What did you take, baby?” Emmett asked Justin as soon as Debbie was out of earshot, knowing how defensive she got about him consuming drugs. Justin scowled and rubbed his face tiredly.

“I’m not on anything. God, I’m not Brian,” he muttered, completely ignoring the mentioned one’s presence. “I had a fucking rough night, and I should be painting for my next show at the Sidney Bloom Gallery, but instead here I am,” he smiled sarcastically before dropping his head onto the hardwood table. 

Truth to be told, he had had another panic attack the previous night and was too afraid to try to go back to sleep. He was still trying to figure out what might have triggered that one in vain. He was starting to make peace with the fact that Brian was out of his life, and no matter how much he just wanted to bury his head into the older’s chest he knew he had to stand on his own feet, alone. Brian had been his biggest support system as well as inspiration, and so making new pieces proved to be the hardest challenge Justin had ever faced. He got so used to always having something to paint ever since he lost his virginity to Brian that he didn’t know where else to find motivation to get the brushes moving. He had even tried fucking stripping Daphne, but they had only ended up laughing their asses off and not getting any art done, so that idea was thrown out in the trash can. Then, he tried to sit in the park and sketch whatever he saw, well, that hadn’t worked out as well. He wasn’t even going to mention the time when he dumped a bunch of roses in the bathtub and then forced Leo to get in for him to paint him; he’d ended up painting Brian amongt the flowers and not his best friend. All in all, life without his favorite asshole was pointless. At some point he had almost dumped all of his sketches into the bin but thought better of it with a little persuasion from Leo’s part. 

“And why aren’t you painting then instead of throwing a tantrum here?” Brian asked innocently. There was immediately a sense of growing tension in the air and Ted, Emmett, as well as Leo waited anxiously for the response. It was like watching a fucking soap opera where Juanito the Third was about to fuck Lupita, the daughter of King of All Dicks and Vaginas, who really, really hated Juanito. 

“I have no inspiration. Whenever I hold the goddamn brush in my hand it’s like I’m fucking six again, unable to trace a straight line,” Justin started rambling but then realized that him and Brian weren’t… Friendly at the moment, so to say. So he shut up and hung his head low.

“It’s because you’re a faggot, Sunshine. No fag, artist or not, can _really_ draw a straight line,” Brian said, absentmindedly letting the nickname slip.

“God, why you two broke up _again_ is beyond me,” Leo muttered.

That shut everyone up but Justin swore he could see a light blush on Brian’s cheeks. He traced every feature of his former lover’s face and he almost gasped when he looked over at his left hand that was holding the cup of coffee he was sipping on.

He had the ring on.

***

Brian was standing at the front door of Jennifer’s house, clutching the bag in his hand as if his life depended on it. He was known to make decisions on impulse but never once did he ever feel so anxious to do something. He was Brian fucking Kinney after all, he always did things whenever he wanted, however he wanted with whomever his heart - or cock, depends - desired.

So, to be standing on his former mother-in-law’s porch with shaking hands and sweaty palms was so painfully out of character for him, he was sure that he would down half a bottle of Jim Beam as soon as he got home. But first, he had to get the first step of his carefully unplanned plan out of the way. Usually he wouldn’t have let some heart-to-heart conversations get to him so easily, seeing as he absolutely loathed the idea of having conversations with people, but seeing Justin earlier that day made him realize that maybe everyone else was wrong and his own common sense was actually nonexistent. Whatever the reason, there he was, and he was going to get this over with so he could go get shitfaced.

  
  


He rang the doorbell once and stepped a tiny step back while waiting for the door to open, silently praying to the God he didn’t even believe in to let it be Justin who oh so graciously unlocked to the door. It seemed that his prayers had been answered.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin asked, not even trying to mask his surprise, anger, hurt and whatever else emotion was there. There were smudges of paint on his loose t-shirt and neck, and Brian immediately knew that the irritation was because he had interrupted him.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I just brought your mother some of her food containers back,” he said with a lopsided grin and thrust the bag with the very special gift inside of it into Justin’s hands. “I see that the inspiration is back. Good luck, Sunshine. Make me proud, yeah?” he said slyly, winking and then turning on his heels to make his way over to the car before speeding away.

Justin stood at the door with a dumbfounded expression on his face for a little while longer before he let his rage take over and he went back inside. Who did Brian think he was? Showing up at his front door with a lame-ass excuse and then fucking winking at him?

Winking at him, as if he hadn’t made his life living hell for the past eight months? God, Justin wanted nothing more than to shove a zucchini so far up Brian’s ass only a doctor could take it out. As he was taking out the plastic boxes from the bag, he noticed a little familiar red box sitting at the bottom of it.

He scooped it out and opened it with shaky hands.

There it was, the ring that Brian had given him over a year ago, the same one that he dropped onto his ex-boyfriend’s desk a few weeks ago at Kinnetik.

He chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to figure out what it meant. Did Brian want to get back together, or was it just some sick fucking joke? Justin decided to go back to his teenager ways for the last time and took a leap of faith.

“ _Fuck you, Brian_ ,” he said, smiling softly as he slid the round band onto his finger. 


	10. Chapter 10 - Shrinks and feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I kinda overdid this one, but whatever. Enjoy reading<3  
> xoxo

A few days passed and no one had heard from Brian other than the voice message he had left for Ted at Kinnetik on Monday, stating that he had to take care of a few things and telling Cynthia and Theodore that if they fucked up anything while he was gone he was going to choke them with his own hands. And so the secretary and accountant did nothing but worked very hard, still no sign from their boss. 

Everyone else had started getting worried as well on the third day without the Asshole of Liberty Avenue, but especially Justin. In his head, Brian was running away from him again after giving him back the ring he had oh so graciously dropped off at Kinnetik a few weeks ago. His heart was soaring with hope, but that was starting to die down more and more as each day passed, leaving him with an uneasy sense of dread. Justin’s instincts were screaming at him that something was wrong, but he didn’t dare to pay his ex fiance a visit at the loft in case he was just having a several days orgy. He did not want to walk in on that. Seeing Brian fucking other people was not hot when they were on a break. 

They were sitting at their usual booth, this time with Hunter as an addition, but everyone was too anxious to eat, so they were only sipping on some milkshakes, seeing as it was already six in the evening and drinking coffee didn’t feel really appropriate for that time of the day.

“God, you all are a bunch of depressed fags. Where is the fun?” Hunter muttered as he shook his head and Michael slapped him on his head, albeit really gently, careful not to hurt his adoptive son. God, it was still amazing to be able to say that, even after almost three years.

“You can’t say the f word, Hunter, you’re straight,” Ben sighed and Ted snickered sarcastically.

“Yeah? Who sucked dick instead of going to History class today? ‘Cause it sure wasn’t you, pops,” Hunter smiled devilishly while flicking a fry at his father while Michael just shook his head again with a defeated sigh.”Anyway, where is Brian?”  
“I still have no idea why you are so caught up on him,” Justin smirked, twisting the ring around his finger absentmindedly, much like he did every time he felt anxious because of something. “He’s not going to fuck you. You’re too young,” he mocked him while grinning widely. 

“Hey, you were seventeen when he fucked you,” Hunter said. 

“Yeah, but I’m special. I’m the only one who actually puts up with his shit,” Justin said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, and you’re fucking stupid for doing that, too,” Michael muttered.”God, he doesn’t do boyfriends. And then you came into his life and suddenly he broke his rule of not fucking anyone twice, and then he wanted to fucking marry you and now he just walks out? I have to force him to go to a fucking shrink because I’m not entirely sure he is mentally stable,” Michael said heatedly and Ben only stroked his waist gently, knowing that his partner was just worried about his best friend.

“Must be the drugs,” Justin said, trying to hide his own sadness at Michael’s words. “But, you know. I’m not mad at him. He’s just scared, but he’s also terrified of admitting that he can’t control some things, like, you know… Loving me and shit,” Justin said softly, shrugging his shoulders. Not that Michael would ever get it. Justin had a feeling that Mikey had never actually put in effort in trying to get to know his own best friend more. He never understood why Michael got so butthurt over the things Brian did. He always figured out the reason behind it even if it took him a while each time and ultimately ended up forgiving the older one without him having to say sorry. It was just the way they worked, their dynamic and Justin honestly missed those times. Even the times when he screamed at Brian, and Brian and him… Every grunt, moan, every bang of the loft door being slammed… He missed the bad and the good times equally as much, because they were their relationship as a whole. It was never easy with them and it took a few years for Justin to understand that, but when he did, he noticed that he had also started welcoming every obstacle more easily. And fighting for them to be, well, _them_ on his own was fine for a while. But he only had so much energy, and he was starting to give up when Brian gave him his ring back. Justin hope that the meaning behind the gesture was Brian’s way of telling him to stay, but he couldn’t be sure since the other had disappeared from the face of Earth.

“No, Brian is never scared of anything,” Michael shut him off immediately, waving his hand dismissively. “It must be something else. I just can’t figure out what.”

Justin laughed quietly and hung his head low. Fucking Michael and his obsession with Brian.

***

Things were, for once, quiet at Claire Kinney-Smith’s home. None of her brats were running around and Brian was extremely grateful for that, seeing as he had a funeral to plan. He did not appreciate his sister dragging him there after everything that had happened with his nephew, asking him for help with their mother’s funeral.

Hell, if he could have had it his own way he would have fucking let the old bitch rot right where she was. Apparently, she had suffered a heart attack and passed away in peace. Bran was not… Glad, so to say. He was a shitty person, yes, but he wasn’t unaffected by his own mother’s death. Had she not been such a firm believer of God, and hater of her own son, she would have been a decent mother. Brian couldn’t deny all those times she had protected them from his father’s wrath, after all. Old Saint Joan. Brian wondered whether she actually got into Heaven or not, considering her highly religious lifestyle that consisted of reading the Bible at least three times a year and going to mass every single Sunday, no questions asked. Brian was able to get away from it all from time to time, at least whenever he sneaked out to go to Mikey’s house and he silently thanked the lords above that Debbie’s window had always been open for him. 

He was trying to find comfort in twisting and playing around with the wedding band on his finger a she stood next to the coffin with a face that showed no emotion. His sister was right next to him, sobbing and shaking as if the greatest tragedy had happened, but Brian supposed that Joan meant more to Claire than she had to him. He had realized a long time ago, more precisely the night when he had come out to his father, that he never really searched for his mother’s approval. She was always a side character for him, as bad as that sounded. His father, on the other hand-- God, Brian had wanted to make him so proud, it was sickening. Old Jack Kinney did not deserve the feelings his son had for him, but it was what it was. Blood had always been thicker than water, and Brian’s mind was a bit more at ease now that both of the biggest pain factors in his life were gone. Of course he knew that being relieved because of his parents’ death was a horrible thing and he hoped that Gus would never feel like that about him. That was partly the reason why he was glad that he let Sunshine convince him to not sign over his parental rights to Melanie at first. He wanted to be part of his son’s life as much as he could, as much as the munchers let him.

Reverend Tom’s voice tore him out of his thoughts and he remembered that he was currently attending Saint Joan’s funeral. 

“Does anyone want to say a few words about Joan before we put the flowers on the coffin and let her rest in peace?” the priest asked looking around and Brian almost rolled his eyes at the way his sister sobbed dramatically for the last time before taking a step forward and wiping her eyes, ultimately smudging her makeup. Brian thought she looked stupid, and he knew he was right.

“Well, she was the best mother anyone could have asked for,” Claire said with a faint smile and Brian felt actually sick. “She taught me values no one else could have taught me better and she always did her best to give me everything I needed. I’m truly heartbroken that the community lost such a good soul, and she will forever be in my heart. Brian?” she nudged him as she stepped back. Brian flashed a wicked smile at her and stepped forward. 

Time to say goodbye, Saint Joan. Once and for all.

“I’m sure I agree with everything Claire said,” he started sarcastically, ignoring the bewildered looks on the old ladies faces. “She told me I’d go to Hell and that God hated me. So, technically, I shouldn’t say goodbye, seeing as it’s only time before we meet and party with Satan,” he said with a devilish smile stretching across his face, enjoying the way Claire paled.

“So, it’s a see you soon, _mother_ ,” he said with a mocking grin before dropping the blood red rose onto the wooden coffin.

***

Daphne decided that Friday morning was the perfect time for her visit to Brian, especially considering the fact that Justin had cried to her on the phone last night until two in the morning, forming incoherent words while being drunk off his ass about Brian disappearing, or what. Daphne was sure that Brian was just being a drama queen over something, but she decided that checking in on him and scolding him at the same time couldn’t do much damage to the situation. And so she packed her backpack with a bunch of different snacks that Brian would sure tell her off for and then she took the bus to the loft. She got there at around eleven in the morning and rang the bell for the right flat, hoping that the older man was actually at home and not somewhere.

Eventually, Brian buzzed her up after she’d told him who she was and she took the elevator to the right floor. She knocked on the heavy metallic door once or twice before it opened, revealing a half naked Brian with bed-hair and extremely tired features. 

“Wow, you look like fucking shit,” she said before stepping around him and into the loft and dropping the backpack on the kitchen counter.

“Well, that language is not very appropriate for a fine lady like yourself, is it now?” he said sarcastically before pressing a loving kiss to the side of Daphne’s head. “What do I owe this visit for?”

“I don’t even know, maybe the fact that Justin’s panic attacks have been back ever since you dropped him and now you disappeared, too? What were you doing anyway?” she shook her head as she started taking out the bags of chips and bars of chocolate from the bag. Brian bit his lower lip at the mention of his Sunshine’s panic attacks and he sighed. God, why did it hurt so much to hear that Justin was not doing fine? His hand landed on his ring almost immediately as he started twisting it before answering the girl.

“Let’s say I had to take care of a few things. Saint Joan passed away, and I, as the man of the family had to organize everything,” he said as if he had just talked about the weather outside. Daphne dropped the bag of jelly bears she was holding before turning to Brian.

“Your fucking mother died and you didn’t tell any of us? Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? Have the drugs finally caught up to you?” she said heatedly, raising her voice.

“God, shut the fuck up Daphne, you’re going to wake up--” he couldn’t even finish his sentence because of the man stumbling out of Brian’s bedroom with only a pair of boxers on.

“Good morning,” he greeted them simply as he went for the fridge and took out a yogurt, immediately going for the drawer with the utensils in them, seemingly at ease. 

Daphne could only stand there gaping. The man was petite, slender, and looked about her age with his young, soft features and baby blue eyes that didn’t quite shine like Justin’s, but were similar to the artist’s eyes. He moved around the kitchen easily, knowing where everything was and a heavy sense of disgust settled in Daphne’s stomach. The guy was surely not a regular trick and she felt so disappointed in Brian she thought she might start to cry.

“Daphne, this is Jay, my… Fuckbuddy, so to say,” Brian oh so graciously introduced them, waving his hand between the two of them. He knew he was screwed.

Well, Jay was supposed to be a trick like everybody else, but as the two got talking, Brian figured it wouldn’t hurt to fuck someone twice. And then a few times more. It wasn’t like him and Justin were partners, and he knew the only person he’d ever be in love with was the blond artist, so he didn’t make a big deal about it. Not like Daphne seemed to have made.

“Does Justin know about this?” was the first the she asked, albeit a lot more quietly than she intended. “God, he’s going to flip shit.”

“Oh, the cute fiance, is it? With the bubble butt and blue eyes that, and I quote, “ _Shine so bright it makes my dick hard every time I think about them_ ”?” Jay smirked while calmly eating his yogurt and all blood drained from Brian’s face. “You know, Kinney, you talk a lot of shit when you’re on the ABC mix and drunk off Beam.”

“You really get a boner thinking about Justin’s eyes?” Daphne asked with a scowl. “Not the point. Brian, I can’t fucking believe you cheated on him! What the fuck. That’s so fucking low, even for you. Jesus, he had another attack last night because he’s worried sick about you. Why do you always have to give him hope and then take it away from him? What is wrong with you?” she said softly, rubbing her face.

“I’m not going to explain myself to you. I think Justin understood the meaning behind my little gift I gave him,” Brian raised his eyebrows as Jay started putting on his clothes while snickering quietly. “I don’t think that you understand the concept of _breaking up_ ,” Brian added with a shrug.

“God, would you stop that? We all know you are in love with him. You can’t change that, no one can, and as Justin’s best friend I find it really fucking disheartening that while he holds onto that fucking ring, crying himself to sleep on my goddamn couch, you just… Fuck around with your new boytoy. This is not about being physical with someone else, Brian. I know you two have an open relationship, but the only thing that made Justin feel different from all your other tricks was the fact that he was the only one who had slept in your bed, in your arms, multiple times. And now you took that from him too,” Daphne said with an annoyed expression on her face as she sat down on one of the chairs.

Brian rubbed his chin in an irritated manner as he heard the loft door being slid close by Jay. Deep down, he knew that Daphne was right, but he was just so fucking _done_ with everything. Starting from the situation he had going on with the only person that really mattered in his life, up until the fact that his mother had died, everything was just too much. The only way he knew he could lessen his stress was if he fucked someone, and tricking was too much trouble in the mental state he was in, so obviously sticking to a toy seemed like the logical option. Well, not anymore, and he had no doubts that Daphne would tell Justin about Jay. 

It wasn’t as if he felt anything deeper than sexual attraction towards the petite boy.It wasn’t even him feeling things, it was more his dick. But, knowing Sunshine he knew that he wouldn’t take lightly to the things that happened and he wanted to smash his head into the wall for being that stupid. He knew damn well that Justin wouldn’t go back to him without him proving whatever he had to prove, and he fucked that up big time.

“Look,” he started quietly, struggling to get the words out. God, he hated talking to people. “I love Justin,” he said through gritted teeth.

“It sure doesn’t seem like that,” Daphne mumbled with her head hung low.

“I just need time. It’s not easy to accept that even though he deserves someone better than _me_ , he doesn’t want anyone else _but me_ ,” he whispered. “And I’ll get there. Not without fucking up a thousand times, though.”

“He knows that, Bri,” he let the nickname slide this once. “He just wants you back. He doesn’t care about your flaws, he’s in love with those too. I just wish _you_ realized that.”

Brian couldn’t help but think that Daphne would have been a _phenomenal_ shrink with all that feelings bullshit she made him go through. 


	11. Chapter 11 - Hurt and comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My titles are getting worse; a saga. Enjoy reading.<3  
> xoxo

Justin groaned as soon as he opened his eyes and the sunlight hit his oversensitive orbs. He couldn’t remember ever being this hungover before, but he supposed that after a night out at Babylon and then going over to Woody’s he really shouldn’t be so surprised at his bitch of a headache. God, he wanted to throw up, but not before trying to sleep off the pain. He rolled over to his other side but froze up immediately as soon as his body hit another one. Oh God, no. He had brought someone home and let him stay.

Fuck.

The slender, tan skinned stranger stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Justin noticed that the blue in the man’s eyes matched his orbs and he felt kind of weirded out about it. He never usually went for blue eyed people, always trying to find someone who looked at least a bit similar to Brian, just to get a fraction of the sensations he felt whenever he had sex with the older man. Obviously, last night he had failed miserably, and he also felt kind of guilty for physically falling asleep with another man. Then he remembered that Brian and him were technically broken up at the moment, so he shut his eyes for a moment and tried to rub away the sleep from them.

“I don’t mean to sound rude or anything, but what the fuck are you still doing here?” Justin asked grumpily, with an edge to his voice. “God, please don’t tell me you’re a virgin. Or worse, a fucking… Teenager,” he shuddered at the mere thought of that. He truly didn’t want to get in trouble with the police, and he knew that if teenagers nowadays were remotely similar to how he was when he was one, he got himself a stalker. The stranger laughed loudly and Justin peeked at him from under his palms covering his eyes.

“No, none of that. You just cuddled up to me after fucking my brains out like I was your teddy bear or something, so I figured I could stay,” he shrugged as he sat up and hugged his knees to his chest, giving Justin a premium view of his balls. Amazing. Note the sarcasm.”My name’s Jay, I don’t think you remember that. I’m surprised you got your hips to work with the way you were so out of it,” he teased him lightly and Justin snorted. He understood why he had brought the twink home.

“Yeah, second nature,” Justin said, rolling onto his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. He felt light fingers tracing the curve of his back and turned his head to look at Jay.”What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, arching a brow and last night’s trick only flashed a smile at him.

“Well, I just want to return the favor you did me last night…” he said coyly as he kneaded Justin’s ass. The blond reached for Jay’s hand and flicked it away.

“I don’t fuck anyone twice,” he smiled sarcastically before getting up.

“Except Kinney, is that right?” the twink smiled slyly as he got up from the bed and slid on his boxers.”He told me the same exact thing before he fucked me two more times,” Jay said casually, putting on his cream colored t-shirt as all blood drained from Justin’s face.

Now, he knew that there were a lot of jealous people in the gay community of Liberty Avenue, who hoped that one day they would be in Justin’s place, but on the other hand he had become an excellent reader of people’s behavior, courtesy of always having to guess what Brian truly meant, and so he knew that Jay was not lying. Which brought him to another problem: To get, or not to get jealous, that was the question. He remembered the arrangements him and Brian had made a few years prior, and even though they weren’t together at the moment, so technically it was  _ not,  _ it still hurt like hell.

“So, I’m guessing you aren’t that special after all, are you, Justin?” Jay laughed darkly before stepping out of the blond artist’s room. 

Justin promptly sat back onto his bed, with his fingers twisting the ring on his left hand. He  _ knew _ Brian loved him. It had become pretty clear in the last few years, and especially after the older had given Justin’s ring back to him, telling him to stay without words, but upon hearing what the petite man who had just left his house, Justin was starting to doubt that Brian’s feelings were ever real.

He sighed, and ran a few fingers through his hair with a heavy heart and tears threatening to escape.

***

The little wind chime above the door of the Liberty Diner dinged as Brian stepped into the restaurant. He ignored the lustful stares that were thrown at him by desperate twinks on his way over to their regular booth, now occupied by Michael, Ted, Emmett, and of course the most important person, Justin. It was weird to see only the original members of their little group, without the addition of Ben, Hunter and Leo, but with what Brian wanted to tell them, he was actually glad that it was only the five of them.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” he smiled cynically, sliding into the booth and sitting next to his Sunshine. He figured that this could be the second step of his carefully unplanned plan on getting the younger back, although hardly, with the way Justin moved slightly away from him. He didn’t have time frown about that though, wanting to get the whole thing over with as fast as possible.

“And where the fuck were you, Brian?” Mikey said with a scowl on his face.”Disappearing like that, without any notice?”

“Oh but why, Mikey, I told Ted I’d rip off his dick if he fucked up something at Kinnetik in my absence,” he said sarcastically. “I was busy with family issues,” he said with an arched brow.

“And fucking Jay, right?” Justin asked innocently as he took a sip from his bitter coffee. Despite the softness in his voice, there was deadly provocation in his eyes and Brian’s heart rate picked up. How in the fuck did he even find out about Jay? Daphne had ultimately promised him two days ago that she wouldn’t meddle with their affairs and let him handle it without sticking her nose into it. “So, when are you going to ask  _ him  _ to marry you, hm? After all, he’s supposed to be my substitute. Or is it something more than that?”he continued taunting Brian. He knew the older wanted to tell them something, he could see it in his eyes, but he was so tired of letting Brian get away with his shit.

“Wait, who are we talking about?” Emmett asked, just as confused as everyone else besides Brian and Justin.

“No one,” Brian said while looking straight into Justin’s baby blue eyes.”I’m sure you know that what you asked, Sunshine, is complete and utter bullshit. We can talk about that later, I have a meeting with a potential client and I don’t want to be late, so, do you mind shutting up for a few minutes?” he smiled mockingly before returning his attention to the task at hand. 

“Asshole,” Justin muttered, but quickly shut up as Brian’s right hand squeezed his thigh lightly. It had been so long since the older had touched him and Justin could already feel the lump forming in his throat. He missed the older so much, and the potential competition was not welcome at all. He knew that Brian and him had their issues, but he hoped that Jay wouldn’t stand in the way of resolving them. He hoped that Brian’s feelings were reserved for him and him only, not some stupid twink. 

“So,” Brian started through gritted teeth. “Saint Joan kicked the bucket. I, as the only man in the family, had to take care of everything while my useless, good-for-nothing sister cried her heart out every five minutes. I’m sorry I couldn’t hit the bars with you boys this week,” he said sarcastically, and immediately after finishing his speech he took a sip from Justin’s coffee, grimacing at the bitterness. God, that kid needed something sweet in his life.

“Your mom died and you dealt with it on your own?” Justin asked quietly, astonished at the indifference Brian was showcasing. He was able to see through the walls the older had so professionally built up around him, but Brian’s acting skills never ceased to amaze him.

“You didn’t even tell _ me _ !” Michael said outraged. 

“Yeah, well, last time I checked I’m not required to tell you everything that’s going on in my life,” Brian clapped back without an ounce of hesitation in his voice. Justin silently bit his bottom lip, feeling somewhat proud of his ex lover for telling off Michael so easily.

“But this is such a big deal, Bri. I could have helped,” Mikey kept on pressing and judging by the way Brian’s body tensed, Justin was sure that the volcano was ready to explode.

“How sweet,” he mocked, getting up from the booth and letting his palm slide off of Justin’s thigh. “Unfortunately I have to go,” he offered them a classic Kinney-grin before turning on his heels and making his way out of the diner.

Justin hesitated for a few seconds before grabbing his wallet from the table and rushed after Brian, hoping to catch up to him. Luckily, he reached him just as the older was about to get into his car. He circled his fingers around Brian’s wrist and turned him around in order to be able to look up at his face. They stayed like that for a few long minutes, just staring at each other. Justin’s eyes held a sense of longing, just wanting nothing more than to be able to cuddle up to Brian every night for the rest of his life. He might be young, and naive, but every person had a right to desire something.

“Does he mean anything to you?” Justin asked quietly, breaking the silence between the two of them.

“Other than a great fuck? Don’t be fucking ridiculous,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. Then he smirked. “Are you actually jealous?” he snickered, leaning against his vehicle.

“Now you’re being ridiculous,” Justin scowled, looking away from Brian’s eyes, but the older noticed the way his Sunshine blushed.

“You know, you should stop acting like a lesbionic,” he said, slowly caressing Justin’s cheekbone with his fingers, feeling the need to touch the younger. “You’re the only one.”

Justin smiled softly, knowing the meaning behind the few words Brian had uttered. And he supposed that he could live with that answer, for now.


	12. Chapter 12 - The Kinney-cliff and party drugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of past child exploitation; drug abuse.

Later that day, at the Bruckner-Novotny home things were on fire. Not quite literally of course, more figuratively, but on fire nonetheless. Michael couldn’t remember the last time he had such a bad fight with Hunter, not after the teenager had come home from his little adventure at Disney World. 

“Listen, Hunter, I can’t let you join the swimming team again. Don’t you remember what happened last time?” Michael asked him with a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He understood why his son was frustrated, but he wished that the little minx just dropped the topic. Michael needed to protect his family from other homophobic atrocities, and if that meant having to scream at Hunter for thirty minutes, then so be it.

“I don’t give a shit what happened last time. I’m sick of letting HIV overpower me. I just want to feel normal again!” Hunter said fuming. 

“But the thing is, that it’s there! It’s always going to be there, and I don’t want you to go through the bullying again. God, Hunter, would you just understand that you’re never going to be like the other kids?” Michael asked as he spread his arms. Ben winced at the question and slowly shook his head in his husband’s direction. “What? We can pretend that it’s not there, that it doesn’t change our lives, but that isn’t going to make anything better. I’m sorry if reality is too cold for you, Hunter, but life sucks ass, and the earlier you realize it, the earlier you can start to deal with it.”

“Right, you think that between having to be a prostitute at twelve because my mom was abusing drugs on a daily basis and wasn’t coherent enough to go to work, and ending up with a fucking STD for the rest of my life, _I_ don’t know how harsh life can be? What do you have on that, Mikey?” Hunter snickered, a dark expression looming on his face. “Oh my, your best friend didn’t want to do anything with you romantically and a teenager made his move on him and now suddenly you weren’t the only person Brian could lean on? Boo-fucking-hoo, spare me your fuck-- Who the fuck is that?” he threw his hands upwards as he made his way over to the front door let in whoever was clinging on the doorbell. Michael could only stand there, gaping at what his had said to him just a few moment earlier. He couldn’t believe that Hunter would imply that he didn’t know about the struggles the younger had to go through when he was a child. He wasn’t a cruel person, _of course_ he knew that Hunter’s life wasn’t exactly peachy. He was just trying to protect him from further damage. Plus, he didn’t understand why going to the gym wasn’t enough for the teenager. It was an excellent way to maintain his health as well as get ripped. 

“Would you look at that, Mikey, it’s your hopeless, long lost first love,” Hunter said mockingly as he came back from the hall with Brian strolling behind him, his usual Kinney-scowl present on his face. He looked a bit stressed and under the weather from what Michael could tell, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of his mother’s sudden death or because of the situation with a certain twenty-three year old blond artist.

“I sense trouble in paradise. Did I come at a wrong time?” Brian smirked and turned to Hunter. “Did Mikey bite down on Ben’s dick again?” he asked him, a mischievous smile stretching across his face.

“Oh no, but I can think of a dick he’d like to bite down on,” Hunter offered with a scowl on his face before shaking his head and making his way into his room, slamming the door shot behind him. Ben sighed, and after pressing a loving kiss to Michael’s forehead, he rushed up on the stairs, no doubt about to try to get Hunter to calm down. It had always been like that; Michael getting into a fight with the teenager, and Ben sorting it out between the two of them. It was a family dynamic that worked well for the three of them. Well, most of the time anyway.

Brian didn’t like the tension in the air. He had always hated sorting out or even talking about other people’s family drama and that did not exclude Michael’s. Yes, they had been best friends ever since they were fourteen, and went through Hell and back together, but that didn’t mean that Brian wanted to be a family therapist. It was enough to listen to Lindsay’s bitching about Melanie, which, frankly had occurred more often than Brian would have liked to admit it. He wasn’t exactly sure why he came to Mikey’s house in the first place. He was never one to ask him for help or whine to him voluntarily, but he decided that if he wanted to change some aspects of his life, it was required to lean on people from time to time.

“So, what is it this time? Did you come here to tell me that I’m not needed in your life so I should just shut up?” Michael asked with a frown on his face, sitting down on the couch like a grumpy toddler. Brian pinched his nose in an attempt of trying to calm down and not get mad at his best friend’s antics, but that proved to be a really hard task. 

“No, not this time, but if you want to, I can,” he offered graciously, taking a seat next to Michael. “What is the most ridiculously romantic thing Ben has ever done for you?”

Michael’s eyebrows shot up but he decided not to comment on the question.

“Well, there was this one time he wrote me a really cute poem about his favorite things about me. It was like, I don’t know, two pages long,” Michael smiled that sickeningly sweet smile of his and Brian wanted to puke.

“Yeah, no way ever in the fuck am I doing that, what else do you got?” Brian waved a hand dismissively, progressively getting more anxious as each minute passed. He thought it was disgusting that there he way, asking Michael for romantic advice as if he was some lovesick puppy. 

“Okay, okay, no need to bite my head off,” Michael chuckled, and after a few moments of being deep in thought he came up with the next idea. “For example we often read to each other before going to sleep. Not like, a bedtime story, but if we are both reading and we find something that reminds us of the other we read it out loud,” Michael shrugged and Brian just stared at him with a bored expression on his face. 

He remembered why he didn’t do boyfriends now, but he guessed it was too late for that.

“Right, Michael, thanks for nothing,” he said sarcastically before getting up from the couch and starting to walk towards the front door. The latter shook his head before following his best friend.

“You already threw him off the Kinney-cliff, why are you bothering with him now? It’s not like it makes a difference whether he’s in your life or not, you’re still Brian Kinney,” Michael said when they both stopped at the door, Brian already outside. The younger slowly turned back around to face Mikey with a dark smile.

“But it’s easier to be an authentic Kinney-asshole with a certain annoying blond piece of shit than it is without him,” he said before biting down on his lower lip and rushing to his car.

  
  


***

It felt weird for Justin to be back a second night in a row at Babylon. The time when he would be going to the club five times a week seemed like a decade ago, even though it had only been a couple of years. It also felt strange being there with two straight girls and an even straighter guy and he was sure that nothing of the sorts had ever happened at Babylon- until then, of course. He didn’t understand why Rick, Daphne’s boyfriend of five months, would want to go to a gay nightclub where most likely he would have to reject a guy every five minutes with the way his t-shirt fit on his body. 

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” Justin asked as he leaned his hip on the counter at the bar section, feeling at home. After all, he had been going to the club ever since he was a measly teenager and knew the place like the back of his hand. 

“No thanks, I think I’m feeling uncomfortable enough,” Rick said ogling the mass of guys close to being naked. Primarily he had only agreed to come partying with his girlfriend and her best friends for the sole reason of being able to keep an eye on Daphne and driving them all back. “Is it always like this?”

“Sometimes it’s worse. I suggest that if you ever need to pee, just go outside if you don’t want to watch real-life gay porn. Brian has the backroom for a reason and usually people go there, but there is always guys who like doing it in the bathroom,” he shrugged. “Hey, give me a shot of Jack and two Sex on the beaches, thanks,” he signaled to the new bartender he hadn’t seen before. He wasn’t aware that there was a change in staff, but he supposed that it wasn’t his business anyway. He took the glasses and waltzed back to his friends, putting the two cocktails in front of Rachel and Daphne.

It seemed to be a regular night at Babylon. Tons of bodies pressed together, dancing their time away and making out as if there was no tomorrow. Justin found himself missing the days when he and Brian would be the hottest couple on the dance floor, grinding up against each other for everyone to see that they belonged together. He was sure that mostly everyone knew who he was, he had even heard a few guys talking about him and referring to him as “Kinney’s boy”. It had warmed his heart and made him extremely sad at the same time. Yes, in a sense he _was_ Kinney’s boy, but not in a way he would have liked to be. Twisting the wedding ring around his finger he wondered if things would ever go back to normal between the two of them. It was always a thought swimming around in his head, bugging him at all hours of the day, not giving him peace. He was terrified down to his bones of losing Brian. He didn’t care if they weren’t technically together, but he needed the reassuring feeling of Brian being _his._ Whatever that meant.

“So, you come here often?” Rachel asked, sipping on her cocktail. Justin liked the girl, she was fun and easy to be around despite her habit of laughing at almost everything. It would have annoyed him if other people did it, but Rachel’s personality was really pleasant to be around.

“I used to come here a lot more often before I moved to New York, but yeah. Brian actually owns this place now,” he smiled softly at the mention of his… Well, his whatever. “It was a lot more dangerous before he hired a bunch of guards and shit, he takes safety really seriously now, especially after the bombing,” he shuddered as he downed his shot of whiskey. Daphne winced and shook her head. God, that night and the following weeks were hell. 

“Saw that in the news,” Rick interjected. “I couldn’t imagine how anyone could think of doing something like that. It was awful. My mom even cried,” he added with a sad smile plastered onto his face.

“Mikey almost died,” Justin said, chewing on his bottom lip. “And that was the time Brian thought would be suitable for him to confess his undying love to me, and look where that got us,” he smiled sarcastically, tipping his empty glass.

“You would think that the best ad executive in Pittsburgh would be a bit smarter, but Brian is an actual dumbass,” Daphne rolled her eyes while toying with Rick’s fingers. Justin felt a pang of envy hit his chest and he wished he could do the same with Brian. Unfortunately, the universe wasn’t ready for that yet. 

“In a lovable way, of course,” Justin added. 

After that, everyone was silent, just listening to the loud music and watching the people dance the night away. At some point, Justin started to feel a bit funny. His head felt a bit heavier and it was as if something was in his throat. He coughed a bit in hopes of easing the lump, but rather than it disappearing it seemed to grow even bigger. Justin was having a hard time breathing and tried drinking a bit of Daphne’s cocktail to get whatever it was in his throat to slide down into his stomach but he only choked on it.

“Justin? Are you okay?” Daphne asked him worriedly, noticing the way her best friend was coughing heavily.”Do you want me to get you any water?” she asked again, but Justin only shook his head, scratching away at his hands. Daphne set her gaze on the arms of the boy and gasped at the sight. Justin’s arms had rashes on them and the girl quickly recognized the signs of an allergic reaction to whatever.

“Daph? What’s going on?” Rick asked as his girlfriend moved rapidly to Justin side and helped her hold him as they were trying to get him out of the club as soon as possible. Daphne was cursing the whole time and Rachel was hot on their tails with all of their belongings, thanking the lord that Rick had muscles and was succeeding in holding Justin upright. 

“Rachel, call 911,” Daphne ordered sternly as they laid Justin on the cold concrete in front of the club and elevated his legs. “You don’t have your EpiPen on you, do you?” Daphne asked and Justin only shook his head, wheezing. Thankfully there were not a lot of people lurking around the back alley at that time of the day, knowing that most of them were either inside Babylon or just simply asleep at home. Daphne was sure that someone spiked Justin’s drink with some drug he was clearly fucking allergic to, and she wanted nothing more than to get her hands around the motherfucker’s neck and strangle him.

“Okay, the ambulance said they are going to be here in five minutes,” Rachel said on the verge of tears. She was never one to know how to _not_ break under stress. “Is he going to be okay?”

“Yes, Rachel I’m pretty sure he will once the fucking ambulance gets here with the fucking epipen, God,” Daphne said totally distraught as he noticed that Justin’s eyes were starting to close. “Shit, Justin, don’t close your fucking eyes! Stay here, you hear me? You can’t faint on me when you can’t even breathe properly, what the fuck kinda shit is that?” she said stroking Justin’s hair and sighed thankfully when he heard the sirens approaching, just as the boy closed his eyes and went limp in her arms. Daphne immediately bent down and was relieved to feel Justin breathe, albeit struggling greatly to do so.

“Okay, he’s just unconscious,” she told the paramedics as they rushed over to them with the emergency kit. She felt like crying as they put Justin in the ambulance and got up to ride with them after telling Rachel and Rick to follow them to the hospital.

This night was not supposed to turn out like this.

***

Brian got out of his Corvette with a furious expression on his face at the local hospital of Pittsburgh. He barged in there with the blood boiling in his veins and Justin as the only thing on his mind. He couldn’t believe that this was his second time at the facility because of Justin in the last six years. Of course, he couldn’t blame the younger. From what he understood from Daphne’s incoherent babbling through her tears, they had gone to Babylon where someone had spiked Justin’s drink with a drug still unknown to them, to which the blond had an allergic reaction, thus going into anaphylactic shock. Brian was outraged, and he was sure to order all of the staff from the club for a meeting first thing in the morning, but now he had to make sure that his Sunshine was alright. This time, he wasn’t going to be a pussy and watch from the sidelines. He wanted to be there for the younger, to show him how much he mattered to him even if that meant that he had to be sitting in the disgusting plastic chairs of the hospital. Again. God, he hated clinics. 

At the nurses’ station he was told that Justin had already been transferred from the emergency room to room 315, and so he took off in that direction. Upon arriving at the right corridor, he saw Rachel, Daphne and an unknown guy sitting in front of the room in the plastic chairs. 

“How’s he doing?” he asked when he reached them, stopping right in front of a very distressed Daphne.

“The doctor said he’s okay, but won’t wake up for about another two hours. They are running some toxicology tests right now to find out what he took,” she muttered, hiding her face in her palms. Brian exhaled a relieved sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“How the fuck did this even happen? And who the fuck are you?” he asked scowling, turning to the stranger sitting next to Daph.

“My name’s Rick, I’m Daphne’s boyfriend,” he said unfazed by the rage Brian was emitting. God, he was about to blow up. 

“Fucking heteros,” he muttered, and despite the serious situation all three of them snorted, making Brian roll his eyes. “I’m gonna go in there, be a creepy stalker and just watch him sleep. If anyone calls me, tell them to fuck off,” he said before tossing his phone into Daphne’s lap carelessly and disappearing behind the door.

Brian noticed that nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary except the rash on Justin’s arm and paleness of his skin. He sighed and walked closer to the bed, slowly flicking away a few strands of hair from Justin’s face, listening to the slow beeping of the machines. He loathed hospitals, he especially hated them whenever Justin ended up here which, thankfully, wasn’t that often. He truly was going to commit homicide when they find out who did this. No one hurt his Sunshine and got away with it. 

“Don’t even think of going back to New York after this,” he whispered, knowing well that the younger didn’t hear him speaking. Maybe that was why it was easier to get the words out.“Ever. I told you it’s only time, and now it’s time to come home you little fucker,” he smiled softly, lifting up Justin’s hand and pressing a kiss onto it. 

He was turning into a dyke, but he didn’t mind, as long as Justin was okay. 


	13. Chapter 13 - Hospitals and omelettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little, kinda fluffy Britin moment. Enjoy reading<3

It was well into the wee hours of the morning when Justin woke up for the second time. He had woken up around three hours earlier too, but the nurse had given him a sleeping pill so that he could rest enough after the rough night he had. The doctors had tried kicking Brian out at some point, but he had a very strong intention of staying by the blond’s side, and the staff of the hospital was soon forced to find out about the stubbornness of a determined Brian Kinney. After telling them to fuck off, adding that he was Justin’s medical proxy, they left him alone from the most part, except the regular check-ups the nurse on duty had done every forty-five minutes. Brian’s back was stiff from sitting in the same position for several hours, but he didn’t mind, knowing that keeping his eye on his Sunshine was more important than some backache. When the young artist started opening his eyes at around five in the morning, Brian let a relieved sigh escape his lips and rubbed a hand over his face. He was tired as fuck, not to mention about the headache that was starting to form behind his eye. He was also still extremely pissed off at whoever had done this to his ex-boyfriend, and couldn’t wait to get his hands around that fucker’s neck. He didn’t mind going to jail for strangling the asshole. He knew how to not drop the soap.

“Hey,” Justin croaked out, coughing a bit before covering his eyes with his left hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Why do you care?” Brian retorted without an ounce of hesitation and got up from the chair, biting back a groan at the feeling of his limbs finally stretching. He didn’t want Justin to know how uncomfortable it had been to sit next to his bed the whole night, just watching over him. It wasn’t much different from the time when Justin was bashed, other than the fact that now he actually knew that his Sunshine would be alright, and well, not watching from the sidelines. Even though Brian had thought the incident over and over again, he didn’t find it in him to change his view on letting Justin go back to New York. He knew that he was safe, after all he had that fucking Leo with him, as well as Daphne’s cousin, but he much rather preferred if he was with him, back in Pittsburgh. After last night, Brian couldn’t afford to almost lose him for a fourth time. Of course, there was still the possibility that, after all the shit the older had put him through, Justin did not want to get back with Brian, or have to do anything with him at all. “I’m going to get the doctor, don’t even think of getting up from that fucking bed,” he said sternly, and after handing a glass filled with water to the blond, he exited the room to find the doctor. 

After he ran a few basic tests on Justin, he deemed that the younger was good enough to be sent home. Brian exhaled and ran a few fingers through his hair when he noticed the physician’s facial expression.

“Is there anything else you need to tell us, doc?” he asked with a signature Kinney-tight-lipped-smile, making Justin’s heart flutter in all the wrong ways and the butterflies in his stomach awaken suddenly, flapping their wings around. God, he was so in love, it was not even funny anymore. Not that it had ever been, with the emotional pain Brian has put him through in the course of the years. From an outsider’s point of view even Justin himself would have thought he was stupid, but truly being without Brian for a while made him realize a lot of things, one of them being that the older had never really opened up about his emotions, and Justin truly couldn’t wait to explore the part of Brian he was hiding. It might be ugly, or imperfect, but he was sure that it would just make him love Brian all the more. He had realized a long time ago that Brian was the one for him, no matter what he had to put up with to get him. Being with the older made him feel all the right things. Safety, honest, unconditional love, the ability to grow himself and nurture someone else, who, frankly was broken… It was a bond that Justin swore to protect until the end of his life. Or, until Brian wanted him by his side. 

“We found a significant amount of a popular party drug called GHB in Mr.Taylor’s system. Are you a regular user?” he asked the blond while taking out his pad, ready to take notes. Brian’s scowl deepened at the assumption that Justin was an addict. The cold, slender fingers wrapping around his wrist, however, made him bite down on his tongue in order to shut up.   
“I’m allergic to even Tylenol, doc, I’m pretty sure I would never try out any disco drugs just for fun. I don’t even remotely remember buying anything off anyone, and I only drank a shot of whiskey,” he said, finally letting go of his former lover’s wrist, much to the latter’s dismay. He liked the feeling of Justin’s hand on his, even though it was such a mundane way to touch someone. He was pathetic.

“Then I suggest you discuss this with the police, because there could be a sexual offender out there trying to drug people up to rape them. You were very lucky to have your friends with you, Mr.Taylor, but next time bring your EpiPen in case anything like this happens. I’m going to get the documents for the discharge ready,” Dr.Smith smiled at them before excusing himself from the room and Brian sighed deeply, rubbing his face once again. He had been awake for more than twenty-four hours at that point and a bit earlier he was afraid they would crash into something on their way home, but hearing about the asshole again made his blood boil and gave him an adrenaline-rush, so he deemed himself okay to drive. 

“Go change, but be careful. I’ll go sign the papers, yeah?” he said quietly, before running his right hand through Justin’s golden locks and offered him a faint smile.

“Jesus Christ, shut up,” Justin whispered to his heart after Brian already exited the room.

***

Brian slid the loft’s massive, metallic door open with a grunt and let Justin walk in in front of him. Totally just making sure that the shorter didn’t trip, and not checking out his ass...Right. But old habits die hard, so Brian supposed it was alright for him to take a tiny look.

For Justin, it felt weird to be back again at the place that had caused him so much happiness, but also the most pain in his life. Brian and him had made so many memories here, starting from the night he took away his virginity, up until when… When they had parted before Justin left for New York. The blond was trying to live by Brian’s motto of no regrets, but he couldn’t help but feel remorseful looking back at his decision. Maybe if he had never left, Brian and him would be living in their little bubble by now. Of course, that seemed highly unlikely, but he could never be too sure. 

He never truly realized until then how much he had actually missed the loft. The way his art was still hung up on the wall made warmth spread through his chest and he could feel the tears threatening to spill as he remembered when Brian and him had put those up together, taking little breaks in between so they could fool around. Then, he remembered that first night he had spent here and how crazy the whole evening had been. At that time, he would have never thought that it would come for Brian to mean so much to him, but now that it happened, he couldn’t exactly undo it. Not that he wanted to, of course.

“Make yourself comfortable while I go call your mother and come up with a bullshit reason for why you’re here. I think that seeing my dick after your bashing scarred her enough, I don’t need her worrying about you now too,” Brian said, setting down Justin’s duffel bag that Daphne had brought to the hospital earlier.

“Wait!” Justin said, rushing to Brian and taking the phone out of his hand. “Don’t call her. You can’t lie for shit, she’d know right away. I don’t want her to miss her really important meeting because of this, we can call her later,” Justin said, putting the phone back to its place and starting to twist around the ring out of habit. This didn’t go unnoticed by Brian, who gulped at the sight and unconsciously touched his own wedding band. They really were just a pair of idiots.

“Okay, as you wish. Go take a shower, you can borrow one of my t-shirts. I think you know where everything is by now,” Brian said, biting down on his lower lip before abruptly turning away and walking over to the fridge to pour himself and Justin two cups of guava juice. Justin shook his head at his antics and sucking on his bottom lip, he made his way over to Brian’s closet, taking out a random t-shirt before closing the door of the bathroom after going in there.

As soon as Brian heard the water running he exhaled deeply and downed the remaining part of his juice, trying really hard not to think of the way water ran down Justin’s smooth, flat stomach, down to his-- Great, now he had a boner. He groaned, adjusting himself and tired thinking of ladies with saggy tits, or even worse, Melanie and Lindsay having sex. Of course, that was not a successful move, and there he was, standing in his kitchen, with a raging hard-on and an extremely gorgeous, but also tired Justin in his bathroom. God, his life was truly pathetic, and it was  _ not  _ amusing to say the least. He put his glass into the sink feeling very irritated  _ and _ horny at the same time, which wasn’t a pleasant combination, especially not for Brian Kinney. He then turned to the stove, deciding that maybe an omelette wasn’t such a hard task to do even for him, so he cracked the eggs, put them in a plate and started beating them until they were nice and orange enough. He sprinkled some salt in there, careful not to put too much and poured the mixture into the frying pan on the stove, feeling proud of himself for not setting anything on fire.

Apparently, he had been too immersed in becoming a Michelin-star chef, because the next thing he noticed were two arms sneaking around his waist, making his stomach sick with butterflies.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Justin muttered absentmindedly while taking a peak at the pan over Brian’s shoulder.

“I can’t. This is me trying to poison you,” Brian said with a sarcastic smile, tensing under Justin’s arms. It had been so long since the two of them had been so close to each other.

“Thank you,” Justin mumbled after a little while of just watching the eggs fry.

“What for? My attempt at murdering you?” Brian asked sarcastically, turning around in the shorter’s arms to face him, but also putting a little distance between the two of them. He was really close to just forget about the fucking omelette and have Justin for breakfast instead, but he knew that their relationship didn’t exactly allow him to do that.

“No,” Justin said quietly, chewing on his lips. “For being there at the hospital.”

Brian wanted to kiss the hell out of him, but instead of doing that, he simply turned to the stove again and divided the omelette into two, putting them on two plates.

He wished he could turn time back so that he could stop himself from being a dickhead, but he supposed it was too late for that now. 


	14. Chapter 14 - Conversations and things left unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter needed for character development. Love you all, stay healthy and drink enough water! Enjoy reading.<3

  
  


The loft was eerily quiet, except the sounds of the cars speeding down the road outside. Justin was sitting at the kitchen counter, twisting his ring around his finger and listening to Brian’s light snoring coming from the couch. He was sure that it must have been really uncomfortable to sleep there, but he hadn’t had the strength to argue with Brian a few hours prior when they went to sleep at around eight in the morning. It was almost one in the afternoon and Justin was wide awake, but didn’t want to wake up the other man, knowing that he needed the sleep much more than he probably did, seeing as he had slept through most of the night anyway. It felt weird to be back in the apartment after almost one year of not stepping even close to it. Things seemed to be different, though.

The first thing Justin had noticed when he took a shower was a second toothbrush in the cup, as well as another razor in the cupboard. He tried not to think of it much, but now, after waking up and being far more coherent than a couple of hours go, the loft seemed to have lost its essence of only Brian. The toothbrushes and razors weren’t the only things that Justin had found to be out of the ordinary. He’d also seen random t-shirts that Brian would have never worn, as well as a few hair ties. Brian didn’t have long hair.

Jay on the other hand, did. 

Justin tried to will the little green-eyed monster known as jealousy to calm down and stop shouting in his ear, but after seeing the little things the twink had left behind it was a total failure and Justin felt like crying. He had come back to Pittsburgh not only to help the Gay and Lesbian Center with their show and fundraiser, but also to maybe try and talk things out with Brian in hopes of getting the older man back. Now, he felt stupid for letting himself go back to the way he was in high school; annoying, needy and lovesick. The time spent away from Brian had helped him realize that even though he was sure that the arrogant prick was his soulmate, sometimes even that was not enough for their relationship to work out. He felt tired of having to follow Brian around and practically beg for his love. Thinking back, Justin should have never even ran after him when Brian told them about his mother’s death. God, he felt absolutely foolish. 

He thought back to all of the times when he was angry at Brian but somehow always ended up being the one begging his way back into the older man’s life. He understood, that for some reason which was way beyond his knowledge, Brian was scared shitless of getting attached to another human being, he really did, but there was only so much shit he could take before getting tired and wanting to give up. He always said that Brian was the only one who never broke his promises towards Justin, but the encounter he had with a certain long-haired twink had been an eye opener that, sadly it was not like that anymore. He knew that Brian and him technically didn’t  _ have  _ to stick to the rules, but he hoped they would. Rationally thinking, he didn’t have any reason to get butthurt over the whole ordeal, but the dominating part of him that wanted Brian all to himself won, and so he was  _ extremely  _ upset. He wished they could just stop wasting each other’s time and either get back together as soon as possible, with no Jay-Brian-Kinney-fucked-me-multiple-times standing in between them, or… Disappearing from each other’s lives completely. Justin was slowly starting to think that the latter was their only option by now, despite his unfathomable desire to make things work, yet again. It was a vicious cycle.

He sighed before slowly sliding the piece of jewellery off his finger and quietly placing it on the kitchen counter. 

“What the hell are you doing?” he heard a groggy, deep voice from behind him and jumped in his chair, almost falling off it. Brian walked closer to him and set his eyes on the ring resting in front of Justin. The blond man felt like a little kid caught red-handed. Brian licked his lips with a sigh before running his fingers through his hair, and walking over to his desk. Justin watched with curious eyes as he reached for the bottom drawer and took out a tiny red box from it. He felt his heart tighten at the sight and he cursed in his mind. “Since you want to be a drama queen, you might as well do it with class,” he said carelessly, tossing the box to Justin in a swift motion before moving to the fridge and taking out the guava juice, drinking it out of the bottle and placing it back into its place.

“I was  _ not  _ being a drama queen,” Justin muttered, putting the ring into the box with a scowl on his face. It was as if the object burned his hand, with the way a feeling of ice-cold hurt settled in his chest. “Maybe I just wanted to pull a Kinney-move and leave before I got hurt by a certain someone,” Brian snorted, despite feeling weird because of Justin figuring him out and even calling him out on his behavior.

“This is not a prison, Sunshine. You can walk out as many times as you want. No one is forcing you to stay here,” Brian said with a tight lipped smile and furrowed eyebrows. Justin knew it was the face he always made when he was an asshole rather than just fucking  _ saying  _ something, and it pissed him off. “So, did you already call Daphne for a ride or am I supposed to get dressed and get your ass home?” he added, arching an eyebrow in a way that made Justin’s blood boil. 

“God help me before I murder someone,” he muttered while pinching his nose and getting up from the chair, dropping the box onto the countertop, almost making Brian wince. He ran his hand through his golden locks, messing them up even further before turning to Brian and spreading his arms with a clueless expression on his face. “What else do you want from me, Brian?”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” he asked, totally confused by the situation. He was worried that maybe being stupid or asking irrelevant questions that made no sense were side-effects of the drug, but quickly realized that that was bullshit. Justin wanted to have a  _ conversation  _ and Brian wanted to  _ puke _ .

“I think you know all too well what I’m talking about,” Justin said sadly, letting his arms drop to his side. “I came back here in hopes of you telling me why the  _ fuck  _ you decided to disappear without a word and stop answering my calls. Instead, I come here and find out that you have a new boy-toy. What is this, Brian? A sick joke? You trying to push me away even farther?” he asked, hurt dripping from his words. 

Brian only stood there, looking him straight in the eyes and hoping deep down that maybe nothing else would be needed. He absolutely loathed having to explain himself and while Justin was one of the, if not most important people in his life and he didn’t want to lose him. God, he had been  _ so fucking happy  _ when he heard that Justin came back to town, despite knowing that their relationship was nowhere near being the same as it was a year ago, he was just content with getting to see his Sunshine in person again. He knew he fucked up the moment he stopped answering the younger man’s calls, but he was not ready to fall even deeper only for Justin to eventually leave him for good. Because, Brian thought everyone had to face the fact that Justin would be fucking stupid to settle down in the Pitts after getting a taste of the Big Apple. It was like the Hollywood-situation all over again, only this time it was so much more real and raw. Truth was that once Justin got more recognition New York and could finally start building his life for real, he was not going to ever come back to Pennsylvania. So, the only logical thing to do was to let him go before he left on his own.

“Are you just going to stand there and shut up?” Justin said with furious tears streaming down his face. Brian’s heart ached at the sight in front of him.

“I’m not quite sure what you want to hear, Sunshine,” Brian said softly, sucking in his bottom lip. Justin snorted, and rubbed his face while shaking his head at his former lover’s answer. This was bullshit.

“Well, then…” he said, grabbing his duffel bag and slinging it over his shoulder and letting out a shaky breath. “I’ll fax you the fucking documents regarding the sale of the manor and ship you back your shit I have laying around in my apartment in New York,” he said, then turned on his heels and started making his way over to the front door, trying hard not to bawl his eyes out like a baby. After all, this was just a fucking break up. He was going to survive.

He was just about to open the loft’s door when he felt two strong arms snake around his waist in a way that made his breath hitch and heart rate pick up. 

“Don’t go,” Brian bent down, whispering into his ear softly. “Stay. _Please_.”


	15. Chapter 15 - Talking and less talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we have all been waiting for basically.  
> Also known as the phenomenon of "The author was in her feelings so she went completely off-track with the chapter".

The Liberty Diner was not very packed that day with only a few new faces lurking around, and most of the usual customers eating the day away. It was only ten in the morning, and so Debbie did not wonder why there weren’t as many people. It was not as if they had a lot of consumers in the daytime, but when they did it was usually during the rush hours. She was happy though, seeing her little group of boys together again, as a whole. She especially enjoyed the life that found its way back into Brian’s eyes ever since Sunshine came back for an - extended, it seemed -, vacation from New York, though she was not sure about the relationship between the two boys. However, she couldn’t ignore the little signs they dropped. Even a blind man could see the little touches and the thick feeling of longing in the air between them. She was relieved, that maybe, just this once Brian would realize that falling for someone, especially if that someone was Justin, was _ okay.  _ That being in love was not just a state of mind that straight people forced themselves to be in in order to get laid-- That true love did exist. She wanted him to experience the whole package of sacrifice, calm, serenity but also burning fire that came with being enamored with someone. She hoped that this time it would be different and Brian would actually allow Justin to get close enough to him.

Of course, those were just silly little wishes. Wishes that wouldn’t come true unless Brian got his gorgeous head out of his even more gorgeous ass. 

“So, what will my favorite group of boys have today?” she asked, stepping up to their booth and running her fingers through Justin’s hair, only for her hand to be swatted away by Brian in a light motion. Her eyebrows shot up and she smiled cunningly at her son before shaking her head and chuckling deeply. God, possessive Brian Kinney was still amusing even after six years of regularly seeing that side of him.

“Preferably a bubble butt tonight,” Brian said yawning and leaning his head on the wall next to him. Justin snickered despite of the feeling of jealousy spreading through him and tried scooting a little bit further from the hazel-eyed sex god on his right. Things were a bit weird between them after the previous day, to say the least.

_ “Don’t go,” Brian had bent down, whispering into his ear softly. “Stay. Please.” _

_ Justin was baffled, to say the least. He just stood there, gaping like a fish while Brian’s hold on him got gradually tighter as the older man dropped his head onto his shoulder. He didn’t know what to actually say now that he had heard what he wanted. He wasn’t sure whether jumping onto Brian and beating the shit out of him for making him suffer for the majority of the past six years was appropriate or not, so he just let his bag slid off of his shoulder and hit the wooden floor. He didn’t make any moves to reciprocate Brian’s hug, feeling that touching him might make him wake up from this dream. _

_ “What did you just fucking say?” he broke the silence that had settled between them a few agonizing minutes later, making Brian groan. _

_ “There is no way in Hell you’re making me say that again,” he said, reluctantly freeing the younger man from his embrace, thus allowing Justin to turn around and actually face him. He could see millions of emotions swimming through the blond man’s baby blue eyes and he wished he would just close them so that Brian didn’t have to see how much he hurt him. Sure, there was happiness, as well as love in those bright orbs of his former fiancé, but he couldn’t bear to see the uncertainty that came with them. It physically hurt him, and so he wished he could just kind of ignore it, just like every other negativity in his life.  _

_ “Right, drop that bag on the couch. What do you want to order for dinner?” Brian asked casually as he strolled into the kitchen for a drink. God, his throat was all dry from having to express actual emotions to another living human being. Talking shit at Old Jack Kinney’s grave was a totally different thing from telling Justin Taylor to stay.  _ **_Ugh, disgusting_ ** _ , Brian thought as he downed the shot of Jim Beam he had poured himself a few seconds prior. _

_ “Get rid of the twink’s stuff laying around the loft,” Justin said suddenly, flat out ignoring Brian’s previously asked question. The older man scrunched his eyebrows in an utterly confused manner.  _

_ “Excuse me?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. _

_ “You’re excused. I said, get rid of Jay’s stuff and then we can talk about everything. You know, talking? The thing two human beings do when things go shit and they want to fix it?” Justin asked, walking over to the couch and dropping his duffel bag on one end of it. _

_ “What shit does he even have laying around? Did the fucking meds go to your head?” he scowled, shaking his head and pinching his nose. Yes, right. Justin caused him random aneurysms, but he had to remember that this was the human being he loved and wanted to be around for probably the rest of his - hopefully short and beautiful - life.  _

_ “The toothbrush. Random t-shirts. Hair ties. I want all of them gone,” Justin said simply, taking a seat at the kitchen counter and propping up his elbows on the countertop.”And I also want Chinese for dinner.” _

_ “You’re fucking mental,” Brian muttered while dialing the number of the Chinese restaurant down the street, shaking his head. _

  
  


Justin snapped out of his memories when he heard a new voice tell him to scoot over. There went his plan of being physically as far away from Brian as possible. However, he allowed Hunter to slide into the booth next to him, ultimately squeezing him and the brown-haired man together. No matter how much he enjoyed the proximity of Brian. it all felt extremely uncomfortable and weird at the moment.

“Would you look at that, the lovebirds sitting together again at last,” Hunter said snickering while stealing a fry off of Justin’s plate. “You two made up already or do we have to keep on pretending that Brian doesn’t look at you like he wants to eat you for lunch instead?”

“First of all, rude. Don’t steal shit off my plate,” Justin said, lightly hitting Hunter’s hands with his palm.”And we are not back together. That doesn’t mean he’s going to fuck you,” Justin said before Hunter could actually open his mouth and utter those words. 

“Sorry, not into teenagers anymore. I also find it extremely offensive that you would think I’d do something as vulgar as… God, wanting to eat Justin’s ass. I’ll have you know, I don’t believe in sex before marriage,” Brian said pointedly, earning groans from the whole group and a loud laugh from Justin. The sounds was worth every embarrassment Brian had to put himself through in order to amuse the younger man. As long as he got to see him smile, nothing else really mattered.

“Well, aren’t you two just a little more in love than usual?” Debbie asked with a short laugh. That shut everyone up and Debbie bit her tongue for a short moment before opening her mouth again. “What? Don’t look at me like I just killed the Pope.”

Brian snorted, and rested his palm on Justin’s left thigh, giving it a slight squeeze.

* **

Brian balanced the grocery bags on both of his hands while waiting for Justin to open the door to the loft, still not believing that they had actually gone and bought groceries together. They were acting like a fucking married couple and he was sick to his stomach because of it. Telling Justin to stay had been one thing, but actually acting like partners when they were fucking far from it, was another. And up until the point when Justin smiled at him gratefully for carrying the bags up, Brian wasn’t sure if he could handle all the emotions that were thrown at him in the last week. After that, the color started to go back to his face because he willed himself to remember that it was what he wanted to do. He knew from the very beginning that opening up to Justin wouldn’t be all roses and rainbows, but he also knew that he had to do it in order to show Justin that he was capable of normal human feelings. Or whatever the fuck.

“I see you got rid of all of…  _ His _ stuff,” Justin said with a pleased smile stretching across his face. He was starting to feel whole again, and he loved every bit of it. Brian snorted, shaking his head as he poured themselves two shots of some expensive whiskey he had bought the other day and gave on glass to Justin.

“I can’t fucking believe you were actually jealous,” Brian said incredulously. “Is that how it’s going to be from now on? Are you going to throw a fit over every trick I bring home? ‘Cause if yes, you can walk right out that door you just came in,” he said arching an eyebrow before downing his shot. Justin sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and shook his head slowly.

“We had rules and I stuck to them even when we were broken up, even when I was in New York. You were always the one to keep the promises between the two of us, so I guess it kind of struck a nerve,” Justin explained, putting his empty glass into the sink and turning back around to face Brian. “If you want me to leave, I can,” he said arching an eyebrow.

Brian sighed before walking over to him and circling his arms around his waist, pulling him impossibly close to his body and slightly ducking his head so he could press their foreheads together.

“You know I absolutely hate talking. But I meant what I said that night,” he whispered, lifting his right hand and caressing Justin’s face softly. “You can always walk out on me, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to stay. Not anymore.”

Justin flashed him a blindingly bright smile before tiptoeing a bit and molding their lips together in a kiss that sent fire down Brian’s spine.


	16. Chapter 16 - Serenity and hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; mentions of past domestic abuse

Growing up, Brian hadn’t seen many displays of affection on his parent’s behalf. In fact, despite his memory being exquisite, he couldn’t remember the last time his father had spoken a kind word to his mother. Contrary to that, all of the abusive moments of their amazing family life were embedded in his brain like poison spreading really slowly. 

_Stay out of my way or my fist might find its way to your face._

_I’m not going to hit you now because the kids are here._

_Be fucking grateful I didn’t hit you hard enough for it to bruise. You wouldn’t want the people at the church to wonder what happened to their little fairy godmother, Saint Joan._

All words and phrases that his father had spat at their mother. Brian had memorized them by heart, not even realizing at that time that husbands, in fact, were not supposed to talk to their wives like that. It had become such normalcy in the Kinney home for the oldest man to talk down on Joan, that Brian hadn’t even noticed the seriousness of it all, not up until the point in sophomore year when he had the amazing opportunity of witnessing the way one of his date’s parents interacted with each other. All smiles and hidden little touches, promising nothing but respect, trust and most important of all- _Love_. Unfortunately though, it had been too late by that time. Brian had already set his mind on never falling in love, knowing that in the end it would only bring misery and hurt to him, and he did not want that. He didn’t him and his future partner to end up like his parents. Fighting every night, spitting in front of each other and shattering plates and glasses next to each other’s heads late at night when they thought the kids were asleep. Brian remembered the way Claire would cover his ears and eyes when things got really ugly, guiding him up to their bedroom and staying with him until he fell asleep. Admittedly, Claire was not always like she had been for the past decade and a half. Before meeting her good-for-nothing husband, John, Claire was an actually decent human being, albeit a little broken because of her childhood. But then, when she got knocked up in college, everything went to shit and her life got ruined. She ended up like everyone else.

With two snobby brats and a husband who talked to her as if she were a dog. All the more reason for Brian to hate love and any bullshit that came with it. 

Then, six years ago he saw Justin standing leaning against that lamppost with the light illuminating half of his face and those magnificent baby blue orbs of his. Of course, had Brian known how things would get after bringing Justin home, he would think twice before considering to do it. However, it was a little bit too late for that now, and thinking more, Brian wouldn’t have done anything differently. Except the whole fiasco with Ian, the fiddler, and Jay, the fuckbuddy, of course. God, he could not believe that he had actually been that stupid. At first, of course, he didn’t understand why Justin got so hurt over him fucking someone multiple times, seeing as they were broken up the time it happened and he was the one to constantly break their rules anyway, but after listening to Justin talking about it, it all downed on him. He realized that maybe it was not even the fact that he had a regular fuck, but more so the way Jay had tried to weasel his way into Brian’s life without him even noticing it. Truth be told, Brian hadn’t even paid attention to all of the stuff Jay left around the loft, automatically assuming that the younger man had always been in a rush after their rendezvous. He was actually a moron, but in his defense, he was too preoccupied by Justin being back in town to pay attention to anything other than that. He would have never intentionally hurt the younger man as unbelievable as that was, and so he removed anything that he found out of the ordinary from his apartment, getting rid of them and tossing them into the trash bin on his way to work one morning. He was worried that Justin would become paranoid after the ordeal, but he wanted to trust the blond artist to keep his feet on the ground. 

Brian looked over at the naked body curled up around his comforter in his bed, face illuminated by the blue LED lights above Brian’s bed. Justin was truly _beautiful_ when he was asleep, no frown ruining his soft features and just light breathing signaling he was calm. Brian was standing in front of the window, with a lit cigarette between his fingers, watching as the Sun set. He didn’t know what the future held for them, if this serene period of time was just that-- A period of time where they both got their hopes up and ultimately fell face first when shit hit the fan. He didn’t want to think of all the possibilities of how this all could go wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. He knew that he was in love, and he cursed himself for it, but seeing as he couldn’t exactly do anything about it, he tried to work on acceptance instead. It was not easy at all though, with the thought of Justin leaving him looming over his head. He chastised himself for being so selfish, knowing that eventually the younger man had to go back to the life he had in New York, not even mentioning the career he was trying to set for himself. He knew that, rationally speaking, he had to let Justin go and trust him that he would come back into his arms every time. He just wished that he could be the one to see him first after he came home all tired and fussy after a hard day of painting at the studio, and not Daphne’s cousin’s friend, fucking Mark, or Matthew, whatever his name was. Not that he would admit that out loud, not yet anyway. 

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the shuffling of the bed and Justin’s soft steps coming closer and closer to him. He smiled softly as two arms circled around his stomach and put the cigarette out before turning around and wrapping his fingers around the blond-haired man’s neck, slowly massaging his muscles there.

“You slept okay?” he asked quietly, pressing a chaste kiss to Justin’s forehead, making the shorter male smile widely.

“Yeah. I still can’t believe I passed out, this is so embarrassing,” he groaned, letting his head fall onto Brian’s shoulder.

“There is nothing embarrassing about being fucked into oblivion by me, Sunshine,” he smirked egotistically. “It’s not like it has never happened before,” he added.

“Shut up,” Justin said, lightly hitting his shoulder as he placed a kiss on a hickey he’d left behind on Brian’s neck. They didn’t usually mark each other, but Justin had gotten a bit carried away a few hours earlier, not that Brian minded, of course. 

“You know, I won’t be able to cover that up,” Brian said, arching an eyebrow as he looked down to Justin’s eyes that held a certain mischief in them. God, he was royally screwed.

“I’m well aware, Mr. Kinney. At least everyone’s going to know you’re off the market once again,” Justin said, sliding his hands down Brian’s back and grabbing his ass. Brian chuckled lowly before nibbling at Justin’s earlobe, earning himself a quiet whimper with that action. 

“Oh, am I?” he asked with his eyebrows raised, slowly guiding them back to the couch.

“Fuck yeah,” Justin gasped as Brian pushed him down and climbed on top of him, trapping him to the sofa with his body. Brian only smiled down at him before leaning down and hungrily kissing him. They acted like teenagers with the way their kisses involved a little bit too much tongue, and their teeth clashing every time they moved closer to each other, and when Justin accidentally bit down on Brian’s tongue, the older man only laughed quietly before starting to kiss his way down to the blond artist’s crotch. 

And just as Justin was about to get the blowjob of his life, there was heavy pounding on the loft’s door, making both Brian and Justin groan.

“I’m going to kill whoever dares to cockblock us now,” Brian muttered while sliding on his boxers, Justin following suit. He was not in the mood for flashing his dick at anyone else than Brian at the moment. The older man walked over to the metallic door and after turning the key he slid it open effortlessly, immediately wishing he hadn’t done that. Seeing who it was on the other side of the door, Justin groaned as his blood started to boil and he seriously thought of just bashing his head against the wall. 

“Oops, wrong timing?” Jay grinned, but that quickly turned into a deep frown as he realized that Brian was not going to move his body to let him into the apartment. “You didn’t really answer your phone, but I figured we were still up for our date,” he said casually, and Justin really wanted nothing more than to strangle the man. 

Brian was sure he would get an aneurysm. Hopefully he would die though, because even that seemed like a better option than having to explain to Justin what this all was. He detested words, he was never good with them and he had always thought that they were a waste of his precious time. However, he knew that he would get a lot further if he talked, and so he decided that this one time it was okay to reassure Justin in front of another person.

“Actually, I thought that me not picking up the phone was enough cue for you to fuck off, but if you must hear it coming from my mouth, then here you have it. Fuck. Off,” Brian said with a tight-lipped smile. Justin felt his heart swell in his chest and he couldn’t help but smile behind Brian’s back. “Also, this whole fucking on a regular basis thing between us is over,” he added, looking expressionlessly at the way all color drained from Jay’s face. Despite hating him, Justin also felt a bit bad for Jay. After all, he had been in the same position a few years prior, the only difference being that by a godly miracle Brian fell for him, too, after his agonizing attempts at making the older man his. 

“Until when, Kinney? Until he leaves you again? You’ll come crying after me, trying to fill the void that he left,” Jay said, pointing at Justin.

“Lord, stop being a fucking drama queen. Good night,” Brian said, shutting the door in front of Jay’s face and locking it, setting the alarm before he turned to Justin with a deep scowl on his face, rubbing his eyes. “Fuck, now that made my dick soft,” he grumbled, grumpily circling his arms around a laughing Justin, thus trapping him against his body in a tight hug. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t even have to ask you to do that,” Justin chuckled, drawing little circles on the small of Brian’s back with his fingertips. 

“You really don’t give me enough credit, Sunshine,” he murmured, starting to push Justin back towards the bedroom, still wrapped around him in a protective manner and making sure the younger man didn’t trip.

And as they spent the night wrapped up in each other, with hot, lingering kisses and moans that got lost in the dark, Brian realized that whatever the future held; it didn’t matter. Because now, he got to hold Justin against him as he snored lightly and that was _more_ than enough.


	17. Chapter 17 - Doodling and skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phenomenon of the author being in her feelings and writing shitty fluffy Britin continues. In other words, I can't write sex scenes to save my life.

One could have probably cut the tension in the air in the living room of Justin’s mother, where he was currently sitting with his best friend, Leo. Leo had been bouncing his leg up and down for the past thirty-five minutes without uttering a single word and Justin was starting to get worried about his well-being. He was supposed to meet Brian at the loft for a nice fuck-session and getting high, just the two of them, but he immediately canceled their impromptu date when he saw the state Leo was in. He promised Brian he would make it up to him, explaining that his best friend looked like something got stuck up his ass and needed immediate attention. Brian had told him to not worry about it, adding that he would be out tricking. Justin’s chest warmed at the way his partner told him about his plans. Of course, he didn’t necessarily need to know when Brian went out fucking other people, but it felt nice to know that the older man was thinking of him even then. 

“I am royally fucked,” Leo said after a few more minutes of silence, and Justin sighed. “Like, epically screwed. So fucking fucked, that by now, my ass doesn’t even exist. I am going to fucking die, Justin. I have to go back to New York, I’m so sorry,” Leo said sighing before slumping down on the couch with tears welling up in his eyes.

“You are such a drama queen,” Justin snorted, running his hand through his best friend’s brown locks, trying to comfort him. “Why don’t you tell me what happened so I can help, alright?”

“Justin, I fucked someone I really should not have and now I have a crush on him,” Leo spilled, groaning as he covered his face with his hands. Justin snickered, the situation being one he knew all too well. Except, he got fucked and not the other way around. “Don’t laugh at me. His dads are going to kill me. He’s a lot younger than I am,” he muttered, punching a pillow in despair.

“My, my, Leo, are you turning into Brian? I would hope not,” he teased him, poking his ribs with his finger for a few times before eventually Leo slapped away his hand. “So, who’s the lucky lad? Being in a relationship with someone much older is exciting,” he said coyly, licking his lips.

He hadn’t lied. Besides all of the shit he had to put up with because of his older man, it _was_ exciting. But not because Brian was older than him, no. It was the way he made him shiver with a single touch and melt in his arms with only one hug. It was as if everything was intensified ten times when he did it with Brian and he was so grateful that he had someone like that in his life despite all of their fights and misunderstandings. Those seemed so small when compared to how safe and loved Brian managed to make him on his better days.

Justin heard Leo murmur something half-heartedly, but couldn’t hear it clearly so he furrowed his eyebrows, leaning closer to his best friend.

“What was that? Speak up, you don’t have any dicks hanging from your mouth,” he smirked at him.

“I said I slept with Hunter, you bitch, do you feel better now?!” he asked with a frustrated groan and buried his face into one of the pillows once again while Justin sat there gaping like a fish. He couldn’t believe what he just heard, but not because he thought that Leo was not attractive with someone as cute as Ben’s and Michael’s adoptive son. Images of Leo puking and being hospitalized flashed in his mind and he suddenly felt sick. Back when Michael had started dating Ben, he didn’t understand why everyone was so adamant about him breaking up with the professor because he had HIV, but now, he got it. And it scared him shitless.

“Leo, please tell me you used a condom and didn’t blow him,” he said, massaging his forehead with two of his fingers as he felt a headache starting to form. He needed a fucking drink, seeing as his best friend seemed to be very intent on giving him an aneurysm to die for. 

“God, June! I’m not stupid. We didn’t just fuck the first time we met, I actually took him out a few times to the museums around. He told me he was positive when we first went to the movies. I had plenty of time to educate myself properly on having safe sex with someone who has HIV,” he grumbled out, rubbing his face. “Jesus, what the fuck am I going to do now? I’m in too deep, He told me he liked me after we just finished having sex and I panicked and booked it.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, Leonardo, that’s exactly what you are,” Justin said, patting his best friend’s knee in a comforting manner. “Call him and ask him on a date. Simple,” he shrugged his shoulders before getting up and stretching tired limbs. He missed the ache Brian left in his lower back, but he did not miss not being able to sit for long periods of time. He supposed that after almost two years of not letting anyone close to his ass it was bound to be painful, but still. 

“I can’t, June,” Leo breathed, blinking back his tears. “We’re going to go to New York anyway. There is no point in pursuing something more than what we already had,” he said, running his fingers through his brown locks, thus messing them up even further.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it too,” Justin said immediately. “Just because Brian and I are idiots who can’t handle distance, doesn’t mean that you two won’t work out. Just give it a shot, you have nothing to lose, Lenny,” he said with a soft smile.

In fact, Leo had a lot to lose and Justin knew that, too. Every time he thought of going back to the Big Apple without Brian, his heart ached and his chest tightened to the point where it was almost physically painful to let such thoughts invade his mind. 

***

It was around one in the morning and Brian was standing at the bar in Babylon, searching for something that could catch his eye in the sea of hot men. He wanted to take someone back to the backroom for a quick fuck to kill his boredom but no one appealed to him yet. He wasn’t sure if it was because Justin was finally where he belonged again or if the guys at the club that night had been particularly unattractive, but it didn’t matter. He was frustrated, hard, and just wanted to get off quickly and as soon as possible. That plan, of course, seemed to be failing miserably seeing as his only companions for the night were his friends.

“Hunter came home crying today, cursing every man on planet Earth,” Mikey sighed and Brian snorted. “It’s not funny! He said he had gone on a few dates with this guy and he just left when Hunter told him he liked him,” Michael shook his head, absolutely outraged.

“I wonder why,” Brian said sarcastically. “Feelings are bullshit, Mikey. Tell the kid to not expect much and then he won’t get hurt.” he shrugged, not entirely understanding why they were discussing family issues at Babylon.

God, this was all Justin’s fault. If the little fucker hadn’t gone and blew all their plans, Brian would probably be buried balls deep in his ass without a care in the world, but instead there he was, listening to his best friend’s whining, and watching Theodore’s awful attempts at picking up guys. Of course, he was not actually mad at his boyfriend, knowing that shit sometimes just happened out of nowhere. However, he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had stuck to their original plans. The last few days with Justin were a bliss, and Brian, as disgusting and lesbionic it sounded, actually missed the blond man. He fantasized about them picking tricks for each other and fucking them in the backroom while they kissed, only to go back home and heat up the leftover Chinese and watch some horrible romantic movie they both made fun of before falling asleep in each other’s arms. He wanted to fucking puke.

“It’s easy for you to say, Justin puts up with anything you do. I’m surprised he succeeded on keeping his hands away from you this long,” Brian figured that Mikey didn’t have to know they were back together, not yet anyway. He was sure he wouldn’t hear the end of it as soon as the new got out and that was a thing he didn’t look forward to. 

“I assure you, Sunshine doesn’t simply just put up with my shit. He has a mouth for a reason, you know,” Brian snickered, taking a sip from his shot of whiskey that was resting in front of him on the counter. God, he was bored out of his mind. 

“Other than sucking your dick?” Emmett interjected with a teasing smile before shuffling closer to them and stared openly at Brian’s neck. “Is that a hickey?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Why yes, Honeycutt, you are oh so observant,” Brian retorted sarcastically, downing the rest of his drink. “I’m out,” he said before turning on his heels and making his way to the entrance and slipping out of the club into the chilly hours of the night. 

His phone started ringing just as about he was to start the car and he furrowed his eyebrows at the caller ID that displayed Justin’s name.

“Shouldn’t little boys like you already be in bed by this time, Sunshine?” he answered, getting comfortable in the car seat.

“Ha-fucking-ha, very funny, Brian. Look, I’m laughing so hard I can’t even breathe,” Justin deadpanned, making Brian grin. He had taught him well. “Are you done with tricking? I’ve been listening to Leo cry for three hours because of Titanic and frankly I’m starting to get annoyed, so… I was wondering if I could spend the night,” he said cautiously. 

“Well, I don’t know,” Brian said, taunting him as he started the car’s engine while pressing putting the phone on speaker so that he could drive and talk to Justin at the same time. “I might have someone else coming over later,” he teased him.

“Okay, Jesus, I don’t need details. I’ll see you some other time then, I guess,” Justin said and Brian was surprised at the raw sound of hurt and jealousy mixing together in Justin’s voice. He knew the younger wouldn’t be able to hold himself back from being a jealous little prick like he had promised the other day, but Brian didn’t mind. It wasn’t as if he really had someone coming over.

“Stop being a twat and get dressed. I’m already on my way to your house,” he said simply, ending the call before his boyfriend could answer and pushed down on the gas paddle a little harder, even going over the speed limit.

Not that he cared.

  
  


About half an hour later they were stumbling into the loft, wrapped up in each other, Brian only letting Justin go for enough time to shut the door close and set the alarm before going back to devouring the younger man’s mouth vigorously. Justin’s hands were wrapped around his neck, holding him close as he gripped his hips and started pushing him back towards the couch and carefully letting him fall onto it.

“You didn’t fuck anyone tonight,” Just stated with a gasp as Brian started placing wet kisses along his jaw, making the older man grin.

“You’re almost as observant as Honeycutt, Sunshine,” he said, slowly unbuttoning the blond artist’s baby blue shirt, leaving a trail of chaste kisses behind. “Now, can I please fuck you and _then_ talk about my day?” he arched an eyebrow, unbuckling his belt to emphasize the importance of him fucking Justin before his dick fell off due to not getting enough attention.

“Well, get to it then,old man,” Justin teased him, grabbing Brian’s shaft through his jeans, earning a low moan from him.

***

Justin was absolutely spent as he lay on Brian’s chest on the couch, wrapped up in a soft blanket as the older smoked. They had been cuddling like that without uttering a word for the past thirty minutes, just enjoying the closeness of one another. Justin shifted a bit, peppering kisses along Brian’s jaw and drawing circles on his chest at the same time. The older enjoyed the way his lovers fingers danced across his skin, it comforted him. In the past, he had never really paid any attention to the way Justin’s cuddles felt, but now that he knew what it meant to really be apart, he wanted to cherish the moment as long as it lasted. He hummed before putting out his cigarette and pressing a kiss on Justin’s forehead, running his fingers in the soft hair.

“You told me you would go tricking. How come you didn’t?” Justin asked, looking up at him while still absentmindedly doodling on his chest. 

“No one really interested me,” Brian shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it despite knowing how much it meant to the blond man. The way Justin had sacrificed being in a committed relationship to be with him still baffled him to this day, even after five years. 

“That’s hardly believable,” Justin snorted, getting up and straddling his lover’s hips with a soft smile stretching across his lips. Brian was mesmerized by the way his baby blue orbs seemed to brighten every time they looked into each other’s eyes. They really were turning into a pair of dykes. 

“Maybe you should start believing more,” Brian said, grabbing his ass. “In both God, _and_ me.”

“Shut up you hypocritical asshole,” Justin laughed, bending down to gently bite down on Brian’s lower lip. “You probably haven’t talked to God in a decade or more,” he shook his head.

“I did. I talked to him when the bombing happened and called him an asshole,” he said with a tight-lipped smile, the one Justin adored. “But then again it took that to gather my remaining ball and tell you how I felt about you, so maybe it wasn’t that bad,” he shrugged.

“It only took you about three break-ups and me almost dying again,” Justin teased him, and Brian groaned. Justin’s features softened as he ran his thumb across the slight stubble on Brian’s cheek. “But that’s okay. I know how difficult it is for you. I just wish you’d talk to me more,” he whispered.

“I’m trying,” Brian cleared his throat. “So I guess I should start now. I kind of trashed the manor, so now it needs a good cleaning and uh… New furniture,” he said biting down on his lower lip as Justin gasped.

“You did _what_?”

“You pissed me off! You wanted to sell the fucking thing so I figured if it was trashed, you couldn’t,” Brian said getting defensive right away. This was precisely why he absolutely loathed conversing with real human beings. “Your studio is intact, don’t worry, twat. The kitchen and the living room were the main areas I focused on.”

“When did you even do it?” Justin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Brian was a moron. He was so stupid Justin sometimes wondered if he was dating a grown man or a child.

“When… Uh, when you gave me back your ring,” Brian whispered, refusing to meet Justin’s gaze. He was not about to reveal more information about his meltdown, feeling that his progress was enough for about six more years. “Can we stop fucking talking about it? Jesus,” he said angrily, rubbing his face. Justin slowly wrapped his fingers around his hands and pried them away in order to lean down and press a kiss on Brian’s slightly chapped lips.

“I’m in love with an idiot,” he chuckled lowly, staring right into Brian’s soul.

“It seems like I am, too,” the older man muttered before gently wrapping his fingers around Justin’s throat, meeting him halfway for a deep kiss. Brian tried pouring all the love he felt towards Justin into that kiss, hoping that his lover would understand what he couldn’t put into words.


	18. Chapter 18 - Talk me down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, this chapter has a lot of dialogue in it and overall it just sucks ass. Enjoy, though.

Justin sat there, wrapped up in one of Brian’s blankets holding a mug full of hot strawberry flavored green tea. It was around nine in the evening and Brian still hadn’t come from the office, not that Justin minded much. This way he had plenty of time to think about the phone call he had gotten half an hour earlier. He dreaded the moment Brian got home, because he knew that they would have to talk and despite it being him who always initiated their communication, Justin wanted nothing more than just to forget about everything. He sighed, placing his tea on the coffee table before walking to the kitchen for a cigarette. After lighting it, he trudged to the window and opened it, staring at the street light with a heavy feeling in his heart. 

_ Justin was rushing around the kitchen, trying to get the dinner done by the time Brian was supposed to come home in order to surprise his lover. He knew Brian adored it when he cooked, even if the older man would never admit that out loud. It was simply how Brian was, and Justin already got used to having to read everything from his eyes or facial expression all the time anyway. Just as he was about to put some more seasoning in the sauce for the pasta that was boiling on the stove, his phone started ringing. Justin cursed at the machine and quickly dropped some salt into the food before wiping his hand with the kitchen cloth and answering the call. _

_ “Hey, Justin!” he heard the deep voice of Daniel, his representative on the other end of the line and Justin let out a string of creative curses in his mind. “Sorry if I’m bothering you, but I just got a call from Last Rites Gallery. They said they would love to exhibit some of your paintings!” he said almost bursting with excitement. Justin’s breath hitched. He had been dreaming of exhibiting at Last Rites ever since he went to New York, seeing as the theme at the small art gallery was almost always dark, thus matching almost all of his paintings. He felt his heart rate pick up at the thought of finally achieving one of his goals, only for that feeling to quickly die down as soon as he remembered what strenuous preparation every exhibition needed, even with the paintings done. Deciding on a frame that suited both the space, and the painting, actually putting them in frames, protecting them from heat damage, giving a name to all of them, measuring around the space to figure out how to hang them… Justin knew that it would take them a minimum of three weeks to get all of these things done. He was not ready to leave the comfort of Brian’s arms around him and go to New York again. They had just gotten back together, for fuck’s sake! _

_ “Look, Dan, that’s fucking fabulous and all but…” he said sighing, running his fingers through his hair and stirring the sauce to delay his answer. God, he didn’t know what the fuck to do.”How long would I have to be there this time?” he ultimately asked while chewing on his bottom lip. _

_ “The exhibition is next month, on the 16th, so I suggest you take a plane on, let’s say, Monday…” the representative trailed off absentmindedly. “There are going to be a lot of critics there, Justin. This could be your breakthrough, and with a few good reviews we could go on to bigger galleries! The grind never stops. Your future as a famous artist is practically within an arm’s reach,” Daniel said and Justin could feel the grin on his representative’s face. _

_ “Pittsburgh is over, Jus. New York awaits for you, just like that article said a year ago. Don’t let it slip through your fingers,” Daniel threatened. “I’ll see you on Monday,” he said and hung up without even waiting for Justin’s answer. The artist let the phone fall on the counter as he went back to stirring the sauce, adding the chicken breast he had stir-fried before and sighing deeply. How the  _ **_fuck_ ** _ was he going to tell Brian? _

He snapped out of his thoughts as he finished smoking his cigarette and flicked the butt out of the window, closing it and going back to the couch. He ran his fingers through his locks and groaned. He could already see his lover’s reaction. Brian would surely tell him to stop being a twat and then buying Justin’s plane tickets himself, all while closing off emotionally again. Justin couldn’t risk Brian going back to his old ways, remembering the conversation they had had a few days prior. He was so extremely proud of Brian telling him about Britin on his own that he couldn’t even be mad at the older man’s actions. He wanted Brian to open up but he could not expect him to do that when he was about to walk away again. God, why did his life have to be so complicated? He jumped a bit when he heard the door of the loft being slid open and turned his head around to give a disheveled Brian a soft smile.

There was no way in hell he had only been at the office with the way his hair was looking. Tonight’s fuck must have been a good one, Justin stated in his mind, willing the little green-eyed monster to calm down and stop screaming.

“Why do you look like a teenager girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her from a 90s movie? Not cool, Sunshine, not cool at all,” Brian teased him as he walked over, planting a kiss onto his forehead and loosening his tie to throw it somewhere in the room.

“Fuck off,” Justin muttered, sinking even deeper into the comforter and inhaling Brian’s scent on it. He felt pathetic as fuck. “I made you dinner,” he said, peeking up at his lover from his hiding spot. 

“How very thoughtful of you,” Brian snickered sarcastically, but Justin could see the gratitude in his eyes and that was enough for him. He rolled his eyes, snuggling back into the blanket and closed his eyes. He only opened them a while later when he felt the couch dip next to him and arms wrapping themselves around his body. He leaned against Brian and sighed deeply, trying to get rid of some of the anxiety that was clawing at his throat. 

“My representative called me today,” he said at last, feeling Brian’s muscles tense around him. He was already closing off and Justin hadn’t even said anything definite yet. “I have to go back on Monday. I have an exhibition next month,” he said quietly, playing with the corner of the soft textile in his hands. Brian rubbed his chin and forced a smile onto his face.

“It’s Friday,” Brian stated the obvious as he got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. “Right. You need any help with packing your stuff?” he asked simply after downing the shot of what surely was Jim Beam. 

Justin looked him up and down carefully. Despite Brian trying to seem casual, the blond-haired man saw through his attempts and sighed at the way Brian’s shoulders were so tense it hurt  _ him. _ He knew this was what was going to happen the moment Daniel had hung up on him, but deep down he wished that Brian would understand that this was so, so far away from Justin walking out on him. He never ever imagined leaving Brian permanently, but he didn’t know how to make the older man understand that. In that moment, Justin really wished he had the superpower of persuasion, but sadly, he did not. And so, he got up from the couch, letting the blanket fall miserably onto the floor and walking towards Brian with light steps. He took the glass out of his hand and gently placed it on the counter.

“I’m going to come back, Brian. This is just  _ one _ show,” he said and furrowed his eyebrows at the way Brian painted a smile on his face.

“That’s not true, Sunshine. We both know that you are going to have to stay because this is  _ not _ one show, it’s the  _ first _ show of many more to come,” he explained as he poured another shot of whiskey, downing it almost immediately.”But that’s okay. You should go, build your career and forget all about Pittsburgh. Nothing is holding you here,” he continued, stepping away from Justin, making the younger man’s heart ache and chest tighten. No, this was not happening again.

“ _ You _ are holding me here!” he said angrily, spreading his arms. “Or what? You want me to leave?”

“I already told you. This is not a prison, no one is making you stay here,” he answered simply, shrugging his shoulders.

Justin tried his best to stay calm, knowing that Brian was only saying the things he did out of hurt. He was a master at reading the older, but he couldn’t believe they were having this conversation, again. He couldn’t think of one thing that would make the brunet trust his words and it pissed him off to no end. Unfortunately, his attempts at calming down were a complete failure.

“You always let me go,” he laughed. “Every time I wanted to walk out on you, I always waited for a sign. Something that would make me think that you wanted me to stay. The thing I was looking for never came. You never once made me feel wanted.

“So what are you doing here, then? Did I give you a sign this time?” Brian asked as he carelessly poured himself a glass of Jim Beam.

“Ask the ring in the bottom drawer of your desk,” Justin said smoothly. “And the twink you refused to bring home from Babylon last week.”

And well, not even Brian Kinney could argue with that.

So he did what he did best; laughed quietly and then circled his arms around his favorite little piece of shit’s waist so he could hug him and bury his face into the smooth neck of his lover.

Yeah. He decided he could get used to this.

Only, Justin wasn’t done talking. He gently pushed Brian away from him and looked up to him.

“I love you, Brian. Three-hundred miles are not going to change that, you have to get that through your head,” he whispered, lifting up his hand to caress his boyfriend’s smooth skin. He tiptoed, kissing Brian deeply, pouring all of his feelings into the action. Brian let his hands slide down Justin’s back, gripping his hip as he tried to bring him impossibly close to himself.

Maybe it was time for Kinnetik to branch out to other states.

  
  


***

The air was filled with tension at their usual booth at Liberty Diner. Justin was bouncing his leg up and down, annoying Brian to no end who, at one point just decided to put his palm on the blond artist’s thigh to keep his leg from moving. Leo was looking everywhere but at Hunter, who on the other hand was openly glaring at him. Ben and Michael seemed confused at the whole exchange, Brian couldn’t give a shit and Emmett was only waiting for the tea to be spilled. Ted was, well, Ted, going over that week’s dating advertisements in the local newspaper.

“So Leo and I are going back to New York,” Justin decided to break the silence, making Brian flinch at his words. Yesterday’s talking didn’t really seem to have helped, seeing as the scowl on the older man’s face only deepened further. “On Monday,” he added, making Michael choke on the milkshake he was sipping away at.

“But that’s so soon!” Michael exclaimed with a dumbfounded expression on his face. “I was hoping you could stay a little while longer.”

“I already stayed for almost two months,” he smiled guiltily, tracing Brian’s knuckles with his thumb. 

“You see, Justin still has to fuck half the gay population of the magnificent New York City,” Brian said sarcastically, taking a sip from his overly sweet coffee Justin hated.

“It’s okay, Brian, you don’t have to be jealous,” Justin teased him, pouting and patting his head as if he were an obedient dog. “Someone had to at least resemble you there. And who else is better than me?”

“God, shut the fuck up,” Brian groaned before grabbing Justin’s neck and pulling him onto his lips in a heated kiss.

Justin could only hope that things would be alright once he went back to New York. 


	19. Chapter 19 - Red and blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This suuuucks.

Brian woke up to the unmistakable sounds of Justin shuffling around the loft hurriedly. He furrowed his eyebrows, sure that it couldn’t be later than five in the morning, but then almost groaned as he remembered that it was Monday. God, he had three days to prepare for this moment, but he could feel his heart ache nonetheless. With every minute that passed, Justin packed away more of his stuff that was laying around the apartment - courtesy of being a lazy fuck and Brian not picking up after him - and Brian felt more and more lonely. It was torture, really. Pretending to be asleep just so he didn’t disturb his boyfriend as he gathered his things to walk out of Brian’s life was not something the brunet man ever wanted to do. He had gone through with it one time, a year ago, and he sure as hell didn’t want that particular fucking feeling to return to him. Feeling abandoned. 

It was something Brian had experienced quite a few times during his childhood. As a ten year old, he could only watch his father stumble out on the front door drunk out of his mind and shouting at them that he would never come back. He always did, though, and Brian had wished every time that he didn’t. Then, as a fifteen year old, he realized that standing at the door, peeking after his parent was so fucking pitiful it was actually ridiculous; and thus began the rebellious life of Brian fucking Kinney. A joy to remember, really. He let out a quiet sigh, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes and ruffling his hair a bit before getting out of the bed and pulling on a pair of grey sweatpants. He slowly walked down the little set of stairs to the living room and just watched Justin rush around, with his arms crossed in front of his naked chest. He bit down on his bottom lip harshly in order to remain silent, and tried to will the sadness to go away. They had done this before, there was not going to be anything unusual about this situation. Brian just kind of wished he didn’t let Justin back into his life only for him to walk out of it again. It seemed pointless now. 

“Need some help there, Sunshine?” he asked suddenly, making the younger man jump and let out an audible gasp. He snickered as he walked closer to him, wrapping his arms around Justin’s waist and pressing a kiss onto his right shoulder. “You know, if you weren’t so messy, you would be able to find all your shit,” he teased him lightheartedly, despite the pain in his eyes. His heart was breaking already, and Justin hadn’t even left yet. 

“Shut up, I can’t find your favorite t-shirt,” Justin said grumpily, throwing another pillow towards the kitchen from the couch. Brian could only blink.

“You’re stressed because you can’t find  _ my _ favorite t-shirt? What the fuck are you even on?” he asked, snatching the pillow up from the floor and putting it back into its place. “It’s six in the fucking morning, Justin.”

“I  _ know, _ but I want to take it to New York,” he explained, pouting sadly and running his fingers through his golden locks. Brian’s heart rate picked up at the statement, feeling warmth spread through his chest, not that he would admit that. Justin was stupid. Taking Brian’s t-shirt would not feel the same as them being together. He hated this. “I’m already packed, I have to go in a few, I just really, really fucking want to find that goddamn shirt!” he said, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. 

Brian rolled his eyes before turning on his heels and quickly walking over to his closet. He rummaged around for a few seconds before pulling out the t-shirt Justin was talking about. It was a plain white, v-neck that truthfully speaking hugged Brian’s body in all the right places and smelled just like him. Expensive Gucci cologne and cheap cigarettes from the store on the corner of the streets; really, the essential of him. He crumpled the shirt in an iron grip as he trudged back to his boyfriend and thrust it into his chest.

“There you go, drama queen,” he snickered. “Go now. The Big Apple awaits for you,” he drawled sarcastically, taking a few steps back to put a distance between him and Justin. He fucking loathed saying goodbye to his favorite blond, especially that he didn’t know when they would meet again. He hated uncertainty and not having control over things. It drove both him and his blood pressure crazy.

“I’m not even getting a goodbye kiss?” Justin chuckled, puckering his lips in Brian’s direction before picking up his suitcase and starting to walk towards the heavy metallic door. His mother had sent him a text message a few minutes earlier saying that she and Leo were in the car in front of the building, so he knew he had to hurry, but he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Brian. “Try crying  _ after _ I leave,” Justin smirked as Brian sighed and started walking towards him.

“You should stop being a brat,” Brian breathed on Justin’s lips, slowly capturing them and giving him a toe-curling kiss. “The fags in New York might not like that, and then how are you going to find yourself a husband?” he said with that tight-lipped smile of his, stepping away from his boyfriend.

“I don’t need one,” Justin said mischievously, sliding the loft’s door open. “I have you already,” Brian rolled his eyes at that. God, he would miss this. 

“See you later, Sunshine,” he said, watching as Justin closed the loft’s door after a little wave.

Only, he wasn’t so sure about that. 

***

Justin knew he shouldn’t have believed Brian’s promise about them meeting up later. Three weeks had already passed, the show was right around the corner and Justin hadn’t even heard a word from Brian. The only reason why he knew he was still alive was because Daphne always updated him about Brian’s condition. Justin was not surprised the first time when Brian didn’t pick up his call. Or the second, the third, fourth time… He was hurt, and disappointed, yes, but not surprised. A small, rational part of his mind knew even back in Pittsburgh that things wouldn’t be different this time around either. 

The only thing he liked about being back in New York was the excitement that came with preparing a show. Justin’s knees had almost buckled when he first visited the space that would be soon occupied by his paintings. It was enormous, for a less known artist like him, anyway. He had envisioned the placements of his art pieces almost right away, and called Leo to ask him for advice. Leo worked in interior design, so he had a knack for it and Justin could trust him with his ideas. He was pretty sure that his past shows had been a success because of the help Leo gave him. 

The streets were still full of laughing people at two in the morning when Justin was walking home to his apartment in the downtown part of the city. The lights were mesmerizingly beautiful and he couldn’t help but wish Brian was next to him, with his arm wrapped around his shoulder, talking about who he would fuck as he looked around on the street. He felt fucking pathetic for feeling like that, especially when Brian had been the one to cut contact again. He felt played and cursed himself for not snatching the ring from the bottom drawer of the desk while Brian was sleeping. Now, he didn’t have anything to fiddle with when feeling anxious, and that made him want to cry even more.

  
  


The day before the opening of the show, Justin was a nervous wreck. His mother, as well as Daphne were supposed to arrive at two o’clock in the afternoon, and it was already half past three. He was supposed to be at Last Rites Gallery by four for the finishing touches and his family being late did not help his nervous system. He hoped that there had been a traffic jam and that’s why they didn’t arrive yet, and not something serious. 

Meanwhile waiting for them, he carefully laid out the suit he wanted to wear the next day and made sure that his mom’s bed was made in the guestroom. They figured that him sleeping in one bed with Daphne would be the best solution. That way, no one had to pretend to be comfortable on the awful couch in the living room Marcus had insisted on buying at Goodwill because it was only thirty dollars. Life as a broke artist had been fun, though, so he really didn’t have any complaints. 

Upon hearing someone knock on the door, he quickly got up from the bed he was sitting on and rushed to the front door to open it. Daphne screamed and hugged the life out of him as soon as she saw him.

“Justin!” she screeched. “I’ve missed you so much, holy shit,” she then started sobbing, and Justin only rolled his eyes before gently patting her back. He didn’t know why she was suddenly so emotional, but did not want to ask in case it was that time of the month. He knew how Daphne got whenever she had her period. Scary sight, really. 

“It’s only been a month, Daph,” he chuckled as he pushed her away from himself and hugged his mother for a short few seconds before stepping aside and letting them in. “I have to go to the gallery, but you two already know the apartment. Marcus isn’t home yet, there’s food in the fridge,” he blabbered on as he hurriedly gathered his stuff and zipped up his hoodie before pressing a kiss onto each woman’s cheek and hurrying out of the flat. He walked the streets with a certain skip of excitement to his steps, bursting with the good kind of anxiety in his stomach. It had been so long since he felt this alive, even without Brian.

Maybe, this time he could get over it. 

***

The night of the show was a calm one. No clouds adorning the late night sky, people mingling and talking to strangers about the paintings that were exhibited. Justin’s heart swelled with pride as he chimed in on a few conversations, getting praised left and right. It felt amazing to know that so many people had been impacted by his art, even more so seeing as he would have never thought that one day, he’d be standing there. If he had given up painting and drawing after the bashing, he was sure he would be finishing up his senior year at Dartmouth, and becoming a boring, ice-cold businessman just like his father. He shuddered at the thought of that and silently thanked Brian that he knocked some sense into him all those years ago. 

Speaking of which, the only thing ruining the night was the absence of the older man. Sure, Justin didn’t really reveal any details about the show to him, seeing as Brian couldn’t be bothered to talk, but from what Daphne told him, the girl had made sure Brian knew everything happening in the blond man’s life. 

Justin sighed, stopping in front of the centerpiece, his favorite one. It was Brian and him hugging, with red, black and navy blue oil paint smudged together as the background. He had painted it after that fateful night at Babylon when Brian had confessed his love to him for the first and last time. That painting held the most meaning to him. He had taken the sorrow and grief he felt from losing people and blended them together with the feeling of safety being in Brian’s arms. Even though it was an amazing piece, he secretly hoped nobody would buy it, because he thought it would make an excellent addition to the paintings in their bedroom at Britin. That is, if Brian could man up enough to contact him. 

“This is very powerful,” someone’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Justin slowly turned his head to his right and saw a tall, fit black-haired man. The stranger was awfully attractive, someone that he would surely hit on at Babylon with the way his deep-green eyes held a certain mischievous glow to them. “My name is Nathan Papadopoulos. I’m an art critic,” he extended his arm and shook Justin’s hand firmly.

“Justin Taylor. I painted these,” he said, flashing one of his signature smiles at the critic. 

“Trust me, I know,” Nathan laughed quietly. “I’ve been to your shows before, and I must say, you’re an exquisite artist, Mr. Taylor. May I ask what inspired this one? It’s the centerpiece after all, it must have some meaning,” he mused.

“And it does,” Justin answered, smiling softly and unconsciously reached for his left ring finger, only to find it being empty. Jesus. “The two figures wrapped around each other in the middle are my ex fiancé and I. There was a bombing at the club we frequently went to, and he confessed his love for me after the incident. I tried to pour my all into this one, it’s probably the most meaningful piece I have ever painted of him,” he answered, his voice breaking at the end. God, he fucking missed Brian. 

“So I’m guessing he’s always been a big inspiration?” Nathan pressed on, and Justin only gave him the tight-lipped smile he had learned from Brian. He hated talking about the older man to any art critic, because they only made him seem like a mainstream artist whose only muse was their significant other. Justin didn’t want to be like every other up and coming artist; he wanted to be unique. Outstanding. “Right, sorry. I think the technique is beautiful, the raw emotion just shines through perfectly. Truly a gorgeous piece of art,” Nathan said, eyeing Justin up and down. The artist squirmed. He wasn’t sure if the critic was still talking about the painting itself.

“Thank you, Mr. Papadopoulos. Excuse me, but I have to greet other guests too. It was a pleasure talking to you,” he offered him a kind smile while shaking his hand before turning on his heels and rushing away.

Justin was not really paying attention to where he was going, just trying to get through the crowd to find his mother, and so when he literally stumbled into someone after tripping on his own leg, he wasn’t even surprised.

“Look at you Sunshine, falling for me the second time,” he heard the eerily familiar voice. He looked up with wide eyes, staring right into Brian’s hazel orbs. “Don’t look so surprised, I told you I’d see you later. And I always keep my promises.”

  
  
  
  
  



	20. Chapter 20 - Surprises and stress

Ted Schmidt had always been one to worry about several things, such as paying insurance, taxes, financing, money, his job, the hot twinks on the internet, Emmett’s mental stability… But never Brian Kinney. 

It was a completely foreign feeling of anxiety spreading throughout his chest as he watched his boss prance around the office all day like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. He couldn’t recall an event when he had seen Brian so fucking stressed out, and frankly, it was terrifying. At first, Ted had thought that Brian was so angry all the time because Justin left to go to New York, but after asking him about it and getting a simple “I have better things to do than miss the twat” as an answer, Ted realized that it was not the case. Even more so as about a week after the incident, Brian called an S.O.S meeting with every head of each department Kinnetik had, as well as Ted as his CFO and Cynthia being his assistant. Ted was not half surprised when Brian stated that he wanted the company to branch out to New York. He knew that the city had always been a little dream of Brian’s, and with Justin being there his boss had all the more reason to open up another office out of state. He knew that the CEO would never admit it, but a certain blond man must have been part of why he wanted KinnetikNY to open up as soon as possible. Of course, Ted knew that this was not going to be a flowery road to walk down on, seeing as Brian was on his third coffee of the day and still pissed as hell. But, alas, someone had to enter the lion’s den.

Ted knocked a few times on the door, and after being granted permission, he stepped in with a few folders in his violently shaking hands. He had worked for Brian since the beginning and had been his friend for well over ten years, but the younger man still managed to scare him shitless. It was pathetic, really.

“What is it, Theodore? I have a meeting with a new drug company for their new contraceptive pills in ten minutes,” he said with a sarcastic smile stretching across his face. 

“I just brought you this month’s tax returns,” he said, placing the folders on Brian’s desk. “And also, I looked into our financial status. The space you looked up for the new branch is perfect and we can afford it, too,” Ted said with a smile.

“That’s great,” Brian said, relief washing over his face. The building he had set his eyes on in New York was the best possible option. It was easily accessible and even had a few elegant restaurants in the area. Brian thought it would make the best place for the new headquarters. “Is that all?” he asked, just as Cynthia stepped into the office with the phone in her hand and Brian wanted nothing more than throw himself out of the window. His employees always needed his help at the worst possible times. 

“Yeah, I’ll go now,” Ted nodded, turning on his heels and leaving, only to be replaced by Cynthia.

“Brian, it’s Maram&Chabane, they want to schedule a meeting for the 16th, can I fit them in?” Cynthia asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

“No. Schedule them for the 22nd, after Brown,” he waved a hand dismissively. “Also,while you are at it, clear everything I have in Pittsburgh starting from the 16th to the 21st, I’m going to be out of town,” he said casually, ignoring the way his heart beat faster. Cynthia rolled her eyes before rushing out of the office, leaving Brian to prepare for his meeting. 

Brian confirmed the purchase of the plane ticket and closed his laptop, scooping up a few files before making his way into the meeting room. 

***

As he walked into the gallery, Brian instantly remembered why he had never ever went to any of Lindsay’s when they were in college or shortly after, when his friend’s career peaked. He absolutely hated the way people’s eyes skimmed through the space, not really even admiring the depth of the art pieces; only looking at them with an eye keen to criticize the technique. Though, when he had hear that his first possible client for KinnetikNY was a huge fan of art, he figured he could kill two birds with one stone. Scoring a few bonus points with Mrs.Lin from Clin, a renowned cleaning company who were responsible for cleaning up after more famous events,  _ and  _ surprising Justin at the same time seemed like the most logical decision he had ever made. The petite Chinese woman had wandered off almost immediately, gushing over one of the paintings to the far left and Brian was a bit relieved to not have to talk to her for a while. Seriously, the woman was like she had downed six cans of energy drinks, drank a coffee afterwards and took some ecstasy, all the while acting like a grandmother. Brian was not sure he could take much more of the woman’s light scolding on how skinny he was, and that he should definitely eat more. She was not professional to say the least, but her company had an income of around fifteen million dollars a year, so he just put up with it and endured her smothering. 

He walked around the gallery for a few minutes, knowing full well that Daphne and Jennifer were lurking around somewhere, trying to run into them. He spotted them a few paintings away from him and made his way over to them, lightly brushing his hand over the small of Daphne’s back. 

“Good evening, ladies,” he greeted them with a sardonic smile resting on his face. “Daphne, you look hot. I’d fuck you if I was straight,” he offered her a Kinney-ish compliment, making the young woman snort and smile lightheartedly. 

“Brian!” Jennifer exclaimed, circling her arms around the man in a motherly hug almost instantly. Brian didn’t return the gesture, only nodded, but Jennifer didn’t mind. “I didn’t know you were going to show up,” she said with a soft smile stretching across her face.

“Yeah, well, duty calls,” he shrugged his shoulders casually. “I was in town and I had to entertain my client, so I figured this was the best place to do so.”

“Right, you were always a shitty liar,” Daphne said with a mischievous facial expression. “Justin’s over there, talking to some hottie,” she pointed behind Brian’s back and noticed his ex fiancé standing awkwardly and talking to a very attractive man. He furrowed his eyebrows as Justin didn’t seem particularly interested in pursuing anything more, from what Brian could tell, and it was strange for him. He curled his bottom lip inwards, biting down on it the moment Justin exited the conversation and rushed away, right into their direction.

Brian chuckled lowly, as he moved into the blond’s man way, purely by accident of course. He wasn’t surprised when Justin eventually clashed into him, and simply circled his arms around his torso to hold him upright.

“Look at you, Sunshine, falling for me the second time,” he said amusedly as the artist snapped his head up and stared into his eyes with astonishment present on his face. “Don’t look so surprised, I told you I’d see you later. And I always keep my promises,” he said, letting go of the man after making sure he was entirely steady.

“You’re here,” Justin muttered, before all but throwing himself at Brian, hugging him tightly and burying his face into his neck. “You didn’t talk to me this whole time, you major asshole!” he said grumpily, stepping back to put a bit of distance between the two of them.

“Yes, well, not that you’d know, but branching out takes up a lot of one’s time,” he said casually, curling his fingers around Justin’s tie with a sardonic smile on his lips. God, Justin was hot in a suit. 

“You are going to expand Kinnetik?” Justin furrowed his eyebrows, utterly confused by what Brian had just said. “Where?”

“New York, twat. Why else would I be here?” he asked, but quickly realised his mistake when seeing the shift to Justin’s facial expression. “Scratch that. We can talk about my company later, you are the star of tonight, so how about you show me these paintings?” Brian suggested, letting go of the artist’s tie and wrapping his arm around his shoulder instead. 

They walked around for a while, stopping at each painting for Brian to analyze them and for Justin to explain the meaning each one of them held to him. He had always loved explaining his art to Brian, because the older man never interrupted and always listened intently to whatever he had to say about the pieces. They stopped in front of the centerpiece, and Brian drew in a sharp breath, recognition washing over his face.

“I saw this one before,” he said quietly. “You were painting this when I first asked you to marry me, weren’t you?” he turned towards Justin, with a soft smile playing on his lips at the memory. Even though Justin had rejected him, that particular moment held a beauty to it. It was maybe the first time when Justin had put away the feelings he held for him and thought about himself, not running right back into Brian’s arms immediately.

“Yeah,” Justin answered with a lump in his throat. “I thought about naming it just simply ‘Brian’, but that would have sparked a lot of questions, so I went for ‘Babylon’ instead.”

“Good choice, you would have seemed like a lesbian,” Brian teased him, pulling him in front of him and circling his arms around Justin from behind. “You think we can get out of here for about twenty minutes?” he asked, nibbling away at Justin’s right ear. 

The younger man only chuckled lowly before freeing himself from the embrace and dragging Brian off towards the bathroom.

***

It was well after midnight, and Brian still couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Justin had been asleep for a few hours now, with only soft snores signaling that he was there. Brian sat on the bed with his back against the headboard and watched his lover as he slept. He felt like a creepy stalker, but truthfully speaking there was no such thing as admiring Justin enough. His long eyelashes, hair soft as silk and golden like the Sun’s rays… He was ethereal. There didn’t exist a word better to describe Justin’s beauty and Brian had to bite his lip in order to restrain himself from just jumping Justin right then and there. He knew that the younger man was in desperate need of sleep, judging from the dark circles under his eyes that he was sporting the previous day. Brian’s heart fluttered with love as he thought of the painting he had purchased without Justin’s knowledge. He knew the artist would be pissed when he heard that someone bought the centerpiece, but Brian would not tell him it was him. He would see for himself when they went back to West Virginia, until then, he could let his blood boil in his veins. It was going to be amusing to watch Justin fret around about the art piece. 

The chestnut-haired man watched as his lover stirred and slowly opened his eyes, yawning like an adorable kitten. God, the whole universe could be found in Justin’s eyes when they were illuminated by the moonlight.

“Brian? What the fuck are you doing awake?” he muttered tiredly as he turned and shifted closer to the taller man, throwing one of his arms across his stomach and placing his head on his chest. “Go back to sleep, you’re crazy,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and after a few moments his breath evened out.

Brian kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes, looking forward to waking up to Justin’s sleepy face and grumpy morning mood.


	21. Chapter 21 - Dates and pep talks

The morning came a little bit earlier than Justin would have liked it to. Brian was still asleep when he had woken up, which was a rare occurrence, so Justin planned on taking full advantage of it, allowing himself to be a little late to the gallery as he watched Brian sleep. He carefully ran a few fingers through the mess of chestnut-colored hair and smiled a big, loving smile to himself. The only time when Brian didn’t have either a scowl or a sardonic smile on his face seemed to be when he was sleeping, so whenever Justin could see the calm face of Brian he took it as a huge blessing given by the god he did not even believe in. He snuggled a bit closer to the naked chest of his lover, bathing in the manly scent Brian had and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Mornings like these were his favorite, where he could just savor the moment of them being together without any of Brian’s smart-assed comments about their relationship turning lesbionic or, God forbid, heterosexual. He really had to work on that, because changing Brian’s opinion of love sure proved to be a difficult task even after having been asked to marry him twice. 

Justin was supposed to go to Last Rites to go over some paperwork with the shipping of the paintings he had managed to sold. He was still salty about the sale of Babylon - the painting, that is -, and he had whined for about thirty minutes to Brian about it the previous night before getting fucked through the mattress by the brunet. Sex with an annoyed Brian was always best sex, so Justin made a mental note to piss him off the next time he visited, too. He pressed a kiss against Brian’s shoulder before getting out of bed and changing into a black turtleneck and a pair of beige-colored cargo pants. He decided that his ass looked great, so he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb through his hair a little bit. When he went back into his room, he saw that Brian was still asleep. He contemplated on waking him up for a moment, but decided against it when he heard a small, adorable snore coming from the older man. He lightly chuckled, and wrote him a note saying that he went to Last Rites Gallery and that he would pick up breakfast for them on his way back. He drew a small dick on the right corner of the paper and placed it on his night drawer before exiting the room and making his way out of the house, with everyone still sleeping sound.

The morning breeze of New York was chilly, but Justin didn’t mind as he walked the distance to the gallery. He had always liked walking better than taking a car, or the public transportation, only because he loved watching New York. The busy streets, the diverse group of people walking down them, the little diners hidden on the corners-- Everything still amazed him. Sure, at times he missed Pittsburgh like crazy, especially when he was sick and just wanted some attention from Brian, but for the most part New York felt like home. Not like the type of home being back in Brian’s arms felt like, but more like the type of home when one had already settled into their new life. Justin grew to love even the moments when he felt lonely, because he knew that at the end of the day he would end up back in Pittsburgh with the little family he had managed to gain there after following Brian like a lost puppy.

He pushed the entrance door of the gallery with a bright smile on his way, greeting Martha, the receptionist as he immediately turned right and went to Mr.Smith’s office. He was the mastermind of the gallery, and a very nice old man at that. Justin really liked him, because he wasn’t snobby or pretentious at all. He knocked on the door a few times before getting the greenlight and stepped into the room. He froze in his tracks, however, as he noticed the art critic from last night. Nathan was sitting opposite to Mr.Smith in one of the chairs, looking as hot as ever. Justin still felt uneasy around him, though, and so he decided not to pursue anything. Plus, Nathan must be a top, and Justin just simply did not do bottoming for anyone else than Brian. It was a silent part of their agreement, and he liked it wholeheartedly. He had tried bottoming for someone else once and it was a disaster. Nothing had felt right, and so Justin decided that Brian being the only man having access to his ass was the best option. 

“Ah, Mr.Taylor,” Mr.Smith greeted him with a warm smile and a firm handshake before gesturing for him to sit down on the other chair, next to Nathan. He didn’t miss the way the man eyed him up and down and immediately cursed himself for wearing the cargo jeans that hugged his ass in all the right places. “This is Mr. Papadopoulos, a very renowned art critic in our community. We were just talking about his review of your work when you came in,” Mr.Smith smiled proudly, gesturing between the two of them.

“Yes, I had the pleasure of meeting him at the opening,” Justin said politely, wiping his sweaty palms in his pants. “I just came to sign the papers for the shipment of the paintings that have been sold, I’m not going to steal much of your time,” he said, smiling softly. 

“Right, yes, yes,” Mr. Smith said, then pushed five documents in front of Justin, pointing at the right bottom corner where he had to sign them. “Five paintings in one night. I must say, Mr.Taylor, you are an exceptional talent and it is a pleasure working with you,” Mr.Smith rambled on as Justin hurried with signing the papers. God, the air was filled with so much sexual tension from Nathan’s part, Justin was sure he was going to choke on it. Not a very pleasant way to die.

“There you go,” he said, sliding the documents back and standing up from his seat as he put down his pen. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now, if you don’t mind, Mr. Smith. It is an immense pleasure to be able to exhibit at your gallery, and I can’t thank you enough for the opportunity you have given me,” he said with a WASP-ish smile stretching across his face.

“The pleasure is all mine,” the old man said. They shook hands, and after Justin gave Nathan a farewell nod, he rushed out of the office, leaving the two man behind. 

He was just about to step out of the building when someone circled their fingers around his wrist, making him take a sharp turn. He almost groaned when he saw who was standing in front of him.

Of course. Why did he ever think that he could get rid of that idiot?

“Hey, Justin. I was hoping I would run into you at the gallery today,” Nathan said with a big smile that Justin wanted to wipe off. He didn’t know why, but something just really fucking irked him about the green-eyed man. 

“And why is that?” he said, arching an eyebrow and exiting the building to be able to light a cigarette while listening to Nathan intently. God, he wanted to go home already and cuddle Brian. 

“You seem very interesting, and I would like to get to know you better… Over dinner, if possible. So what do you say?” he asked, flashing a seductive smile in Justin’s direction.

“Like, what, a date?” he asked sarcastically, and snorted when the man nodded.

“Yeah, like a date. Rumor has it you’re dating some hotshot guy from your hometown, but after last night’s discussion I’m almost entirely sure you’re single,” Nathan answered simply, and Justin wanted to punch him in the face. He was so arrogant, and nonchalant, it was almost baffling. 

“Yeah, no thanks. I don’t d-” he couldn’t finish his sentence, however, because someone had taken the cigarette from in between his fingers while wrapping their arm around his shoulder. He let out a relieved sigh at Brian’s scent and almost immediately melted into the older man’s side.

“He doesn’t do dates,” he answered for him, with a sarcastic smile on his face. “Dating is reserved for me. However, if you want to fuck him, I can give you guys about thirty minutes, but after that we really have to go. Daphne has been throwing up all morning,” Brian said the last part while staring deeply into Justin’s eyes. 

“And who are you?” Nathan asked confusedly.

“The ‘hotshot guy from his hometown’,” Brian answered in a heartbeat, letting go of his boyfriend. “Come on, Sunshine, you either go fuck him or you come to the pharmacy with me, I don’t have all day,” he said impatiently. Justin gave a salute to the astonished Nathan and dragged a very satisfied Brian back to the car.

They drove silently, with Justin tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously before Brian laced their fingers together and held his arm still. God, he fell more and more in love with the older man as each day passed, if that was even possible. He didn’t know what bug Daphne might have, but he was worried out of his mind. He felt like a father who had a sick child that they couldn’t attend to as soon as he wanted. He sighed heavily and ran a few fingers through his golden locks, ruffling his own hair to make it a bit messier. God, he needed a fucking haircut.

“Would you please fucking stop fidgeting?” Brian said as he pulled the car over in front of a drugstore before stopping the engine and turning his body towards Justin. “I don’t know what kind of sick stuff you’ve got swimming around in your mind now Sunshine, but Daphne is going to be alright. She’s not a goddamn flower, so get out of the car,” he said sternly, pressing a chaste kiss on Justin’s lips before climbing out of the vehicle and closing the door. Upon entering the pharmacy, Justin almost immediately went to the antinauseant drugs, rummaging for the right one. He knew that Phenergan always made Daphne sleepy and she hated that, so he took a box of Zofran off the shelf and looked around to find Brian. He found him a few aisles down and furrowed his eyebrows at what he was looking at.

“You done, Sunshine?” Brian asked him a few seconds later with a box in his right hand and arched eyebrows. Justin nodded. “Let’s go check these bad boys out then,” he said, jerking his head towards the cash register and the two of them made their way over there. The pharmacist looked at them confusedly when Brian put their items in front of her, but stopped making a face when Brian glared at her. 

A few moments later they were driving back home, and Justin couldn’t keep his leg from bouncing.

“Why the fuck did you buy a pregnancy test?” Justin blurted out just a few blocks away from his apartment, and Brian sighed with an annoyed expression on his face. He loved Justin to death, but the anxiety of the younger man made him want to throw him out of a window.

“Because straight people are stupid,” he answered simply, parking his car on the sidewalk and looking at Justin. “Making sure doesn’t hurt. And whatever the outcome is, it’s not your responsibility,” Brian said, leaning over to his lover and brushing their lips together ever so slightly. 

“When did you become so mature?” Justin murmured with a soft smile on his face.

“It’s the drugs, Sunshine,” Brian deadpanned before crashing their lips together, making Justin’s toes curl in his shoes.

***

Everyone was eerily quiet, the only sound in the room being Daphne’s sobs. Justin couldn’t believe that his day would continue like this, and he hadn’t even had breakfast yet. He got up, massaging his temples and pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes of willing his forming headache to go away. He knew that this technically wasn’t his business at all, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was somehow responsible. Although, he wasn’t the one who fucked Daphne without a condom, so his thoughts and worries were entirely irrational. He sat back down between Brian’s legs with his back against the older’s chest on their crappy couch while Daphne was sitting on the floor like a pathetic bundle of tears. He felt bad for his best friend, but he was also angry out of his mind. 

“What the fuck am I going to do?” she said with a hoarse voice. “I’m supposed to start my master’s next year. How is a baby going to fit into all of this?” she asked as she started crying again.

“Oh honey,” Jennifer cooed, hugging her son’s best friend. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“Mother Taylor is right, Daphne,” Brian interjected. “My mother didn’t want me either, and look what I’ve become,” he said sarcastically, making Justin hit him on the chest with a scowl.

“Shut up, Brian,” Jennifer scolded him. “Look, Daph. We are going to fly back tonight anyway, we can find you a gynecologist and set up an appointment. These tests aren’t always right, you know?” she tried soothing her, running her hand up and down her back. Justin felt like he was going to puke his brains out any minute now. 

“Don’t get her hopes up, mom,” he said, freeing himself from Brian’s embrace and getting up from the couch. “I need a smoke,” he muttered, snatching the pack of cigarettes from the kitchen counter and rushing out of the apartment. 

He lit one of the cigarettes and put it in between his lips. He wasn’t sure why he was so upset about Daphne’s pregnancy. He knew that his best friend wanted kids of her own, but only later on in life when she already had a stable income, a husband and a career. Now, she was not going to get any of that. He had a hunch that Rick wouldn’t be overjoyed with the feeling of becoming a father because he had knocked up his girlfriend of five months. Five months did not mean shit, it was such a short fragment of time. No one could fall in love that fast. Infatuated? Yes, but never in love. Justin didn’t want his future godson or goddaughter to grow up in a broken family where the kid could only see his or her father once every few months. No, he wanted Daphne’s baby to grow up in a family full of love and understanding. Like every kid should.

He felt the presence of Brian behind him and he turned his head to smile at his lover. Brian lit up a cigarette and took a long drag from it before breaking the silence.

“Mind telling me why you’re queening out right now?” he asked, arching an eyebrow as he flicked away a few stray strands of hair from Justin’s face. 

“I’m not queening out,” Justin muttered like a fussy kid, frowning and all. “I just… I just don’t understand how she could ever be so irresponsible. What is Rick going to say?” he sighed, leaning his head on Brian’s shoulder.

“He’s probably going to leave her,” Brian said bluntly, making Justin wince, even though he knew he was right. “But that’s out of your power. And it will be alright, eventually. No one ever died because they had to raise their kid alone, plus Daphne is tough, she just needs to get her shit together,” Brian said, making Justin turn and circle his arms around his neck after putting out his cigarette.

“I think I like the new Brian who gives me pep talks,” Justin smirked, tracing the line of Brian’s bottom lip with his thumb. “Thank you,” he whispered quietly, staring intently into his lover’s eyes. Brian snorted, but leaned down to kiss Justin nonetheless. The cigarette fell out of his hand as he circled his arms around the younger man’s waist to pull him even closer to him.

“The new Brian likes you, too, Sunshine,” he said mischievously, not giving Justin time to reply as he captured his lips once again. 


	22. Chapter 22 - Brian Kinney and silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, folks. There it is. A sexual scene. Woohoo. Please keep in mind that this is the first ever even remotely sexual scene I have ever written in my entire life, thus, it's probably going to suck. No pun intended.  
> Enjoy<3  
> xoxo

“Daphne, I can’t fucking breathe,” Justin wheezed, still in his best friend’s arms.

They had been at the airport for an hour now, with the afro-american girl hanging onto him for the past thirty minutes, crying uncontrollably. Justin understood that the news of her pregnancy had been a shock to her, but they had already announced their plane boarding and he was sure that his mom did not want to be late, seeing as she had a meeting the next day. However, Justin didn’t know how to ease Daphne off of him, and while he wanted to provide comfort the best he could, he also just wanted to get her on that damn plane. He would have offered to go back to Pittsburgh with them, but after Daniel calling him the previous night, stating that they had already scored another show, there was no way in hell Justin could leave New York. He had a few paintings, but only three matched the theme and he needed to paint six more in two months. Sure, that didn’t sound like a lot to the average person, but with Justin being a perfectionist and juggling his jobs between having time to paint, it was more than he wanted to take on.

“Justin, please don’t be mad at me,” the girl wailed, squeezing him even tighter. Justin wanted to kill himself. “I didn’t mean for it to happen! I know, you preached to me about safe sex ever since you lost your virginity, but it just happened in the heat of the moment, I wasn’t even thinking…” she rambled on, and Justin was finally able to tear away her arms from around him. He clasped his hands on Daphne’s shoulders, staring right into her eyes.

“It takes two, Daph. Rick could have been more careful, too,” he said softly, sighing a bit. “I’m not mad at you, after all I’m not the one who knocked you up. Just promise me to take care of yourself until I can go back to the Pitts, alright?” he asked, hugging her to himself and pressing a kiss in her hair. She nodded a few times before moving on to Brian, who, surprisingly, squeezed her just as much as Justin had, whispering something in her ear and making her cry again. Justin rolled his eyes before bidding goodbye to his mom, and standing next to Brian, they watched as the women disappeared in the mass of people.

Brian wrapped his arm around his shoulder as they turned on their heels and started making their way back to Brian’s rented car. Justin’s head was so full of thoughts about the last few days, he feared his brain would just give up at some point and explode. It sure did feel like it, with the headache he sported. He climbed into the car with a deep frown on his face and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to alleviate some of his paint, just enough for him to not snap at anyone who asked him a wrong question. Just as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back onto the car seat, he felt long, leans fingers massaging his temple. He opened his left eyes and peeked at Brian, who was only smiling softly at him. Justin knew that smile. It was one that only he got to see and he immediately felt queasy. The butterflies in his stomach reserved for Brian were flapping their wings around excitedly at the attention the blond man got from his lover. He loved moments like these, no cynical comments, scowls, or problems. They were rare when it came to them, so when they did have them, Justin felt eternally grateful. 

“Thanks, Brian,” he said quietly after his headache wasn’t that horrible anymore. Brian leaned towards him and pecked his lips tenderly.

“Yeah, you can pay me back by blowing me when we get back to your apartment,” he said, and while Justin knew Brian didn’t mean it entirely, he smiled mischievously to himself.

***

Brian groaned as soon as Justin coaxed him into the bedroom and dropped to his knees in front of him after he had pushed the older man against the door. Justin fumbled with the zip of his lover’s jeans, eventually succeeding in getting it down and smiled seductively at Brian before slowly dragging his tongue along the line of his clothed shaft. Brian’s breathing picked up and he sunk his fingers into his boyfriend’s golden locks, pressing his face harder against his quickly stiffening cock.

Justin chuckled lowly, hooking two of his fingers under Brian’s pants, yanking them down in a swift motion. The older man automatically stepped out of them, coaxing his socks down with his toes as well, then leaned back against the wooden entrance, watching Justin’s moves like a hawk.

The blond artist got up from his knees and attacked his lover’s mouth with ferocious kisses, letting a moan out from deep within his throat. Brian grabbed his hips as he dipped his tongue into his beau’s mouth, exploring every inch of it. He ground their hips together, making Justin whimper in a way only he could. He flashed a satisfied smile, gently pushing Justin back onto his knees.

“Get to work, kitten,” he said hoarsely, thrusting his hip forward. “After all, you’re paying me back, aren’t you?” he whispered, gently caressing the side of Justin’s face with his thumb. Justin moaned feeling his cock stir in his boxers as he licked his lips and took Brian’s briefs off. He took the half-hard shaft into his hand, giving it a few long, slow strokes, flipping his wrist exactly the way he knew it made Brian crazy. He smiled triumphantly as Brian hardened even more, panting heavily. Justin leaned forward, giving the head a tentative lick, not fully giving Brian what he wanted. He slowly sucked it in between his lips, hollowing his cheeks and swirling his tongue around it just as if he were sucking on a really tasty lollipop. Brian moaned, looking down from under his long eyelashes, lust evident in his eyes. Justin kept the eye contact as he widened his mouth and took all of Brian in his mouth. The older man felt as his dick hit the back of Justin’s throat and his eyes rolled back for a second before letting out a hoarse moan. Justin started bobbing his head slowly on the shaft, picking up his pace and then slowing down to an agonizing rhythm, alternating between the two, thus making Brian lose his mind.

At some point, the older intertwined his fingers at the back of Justin’s head, keeping his head in place steadily as he started fucking his mouth. Justin let it happen, saliva running down on the side of his lips as he swirled his tongue around the shaft moving in and out of his mouth. 

“Fuck.. Justin…” Brian croaked out, thrusting his member deep into his lover’s mouth, holding Justin’s head there until the younger man dug his fingers into his thighs, signaling that he needed air. He pulled out completely, watching as Justin coughed a bit only to take his shaft back into his mouth again, earning a loud moan from Brian. He didn’t remember ever being so vocal. Feeling that he would come soon, Brian tapped Justin’s chin twice. “Stop. I’m going to fuck the shit out of you and you are going to take it like the good little boy you are,” he growled lowly, making Justin moan around his dick. He harshly yanked up the younger man and pushed him down on his stomach onto the bed.

Justin wiggled his butt a bit, chuckling while he did so, as he watched Brian roll a condom onto himself.

“Come on, you promised me something,” he purred and Brian was sure he would lose his mind because of him one day.

***

Justin curled up on the side of Brian after the older man had cleaned off both of them with a wet washcloth, and sighed in delight. Granted, his ass felt a little sore, but he didn’t mind, knowing that Brian had caused the ache in his lower back. He mindlessly doodled on Brian’s skin with his fingers. It had become a habit he couldn’t shake off, not that it bothered his lover. On his better days he even tried guessing the figures Justin traced with his index finger, not succeeding many times.

“How long do you have to stay this time?” Brian asked suddenly. A heavy feeling of sadness settled in the air and Justin took a deep breath. He hated having these kind of conversations with Brian, still feeling somewhat resentful that the man hadn’t contacted him in the month before the show. He wanted to keep making excuses for Brian, knowing that expressing his feelings was a serious challenge for the older man, but he couldn’t help but feel tired of it at the same time. It was as if they were running around in circles, never really finding anything helpful.

“You didn’t use to care,” Justin answered simply as he stopped doodling. He felt Brian’s muscles tense and he almost regretted saying what he did. Almost. 

“Cut that shit out, Justin,” Brian answered defensively, pulling away from his lover and lighting a cigarette despite knowing that Matthew or Mark, whatever the fuck Justin’s roommate’s name was would chew his dick off for it, and not in the pleasant way. “I thought we were okay?” he questioned.

“Yeah, me too. But then you didn’t call me,” the blond man answered begrudgingly, getting up and sliding on his white boxer briefs. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, counting to ten and screaming at himself in his head to just _calm the fuck down._

How could he explain it to him? How could he even begin to say that he had missed him so much from his bed, his house. How could he tell him that the loft didn’t feel like a home anymore because Justin wasn’t there, so he just closed himself off because he wasn’t even sure that the younger man would come back to him? That he couldn’t afford to get hurt like that?  
“I was busy,” he said lamely, not even meaning it. Of course he had been busy, preparing the launching of KinnetikNY, but he knew that that wasn’t a good enough reason, and he understood why.

“People make time for whatever they want, Brian, and you know that too,” Justin said tiredly, laying back into the bed. Brian took that as a good sign and held Justin’s hand, interlacing their fingers together gently. “Why can’t you ever just say that you’re scared shitless of losing me?” the younger man said with a defeated sigh, and Brian didn’t even get surprised at how perceptive Justin had been yet again.

“If you know it already, then why make me say it?” he mumbled away, toying with his lover’s smooth hand.

“Because you saying it out loud makes it sound more real,” Justin said quietly.

After that, both men remained silent. 


	23. Chapter 23 - Doubts and life-altering decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile Justin is busy doubting their relationship, Brian takes a step no one had seen coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter sucks, but I'm just building the ground up for future events, so bear with me. Love you always. Enjoy reading<3  
> xoxo

Justin laid between Brian’s arms with a heavy feeling in his chest. He really didn’t want to get upset over his lover’s inability to verbally express his feelings, again, but he couldn’t help it. It felt as if they had gone back to the very beginning when Justin had only been an annoying twat in Brian’s life, chasing him around and begging for his love. Despite the older man buying them a house, and proposing twice, Justin wasn’t entirely sure where exactly he stood in his life. He tried thinking reasonably, telling himself that Brian never did something that he didn’t want to do, but his brain seemed to have completely lost its rational side. Justin felt like a fussy kid again, acting like a toddler who didn’t get the newest toy they had seen at the store. He knew that he didn’t have any reason to question Brian’s love for him, especially after the older man’s confession of Kinnetik preparing to launch a New York office, he would have just liked it if Brian actually said it sometimes. He had overheard some of his lover’s conversations with his son, and the brunet didn’t seem to have any problems uttering the three little words to Gus, but Justin supposed it just wasn’t the same with him. After all, parental love and romantic love were two entirely different things. 

He sighed, carefully lifting Brian’s arms off of him and rolled out of bed. He quietly made his way over to the tiny kitchen and poured himself some milk into a mug, placing it into the microwave. He took the now hot liquid out and sprinkled two spoonfuls of cocoa powder in it, meticulously stirring the two together. He then leaned his hips against the kitchen counter, taking tiny sips from the beverage. He could feel the lump in his throat, and not too long after tears welled up in his eyes and he sobbed silently, with not even the hot chocolate helping his situation. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying in the first place, but if he had to guess, it would be because the previous two days had just simply been too much. Starting with Daphne’s pregnancy, which, by the way was still weird as fuck to think about, to Brian being an emotionally closed off son of a bitch again, Justin just had to de-stress somehow. What other way was there than crying like a total faggot? Exactly, none. Thus he stood there, sipping on his drink and letting his tears roll down his cheeks. 

He whispered a string of courses as he heard someone’s footsteps and wiped his face quickly, turning towards the sink and putting his mug in there with a tired sigh. Two strong arms slithered around his waist from behind and he gulped before melting into his lover’s embrace.

“I’m sorry,” Brian muttered almost inaudibly, pressing his cheek against Justin’s soft, golden locks. 

“What for?” sniffed the shorter man, wiping away at his nose with his sleeve; just like a toddler would. 

“For earlier,” Brian sighed, turning his lover around and staring into his eyes despite the darkness. “You know me, Sunshine. Expressing my feelings with words is still an issue, and probably will continue being one for quite some time, but I’m trying,” Brian said, chewing on his bottom lip. Justin lifted his right hand, cupped Brian’s face and gave him a soft kiss.

“I know, I’m sorry for queening out. It’s just… Being apart from you just sucks,” Justin shrugged and Brian snorted.

“Life typically sucks. You have to pull through this and make yourself a name, then maybe after that we can go off into the sunset and live happily ever after,” he drawled sarcastically, starting to pull Justin towards his bedroom again. 

“Asshole,” Justin muttered, but still followed his lover to the bed, curling up against his side with a content smile. 

***

A few days later, on a chilly morning, Justin woke up distressed. He couldn’t remember his nightmare, but the dream had left an uneasy feeling in his chest nonetheless. He sighed and turned to his other side to bury his face into Brian’s chest, only to find a cold, empty spot on the other side of the bed. He furrowed his eyebrows and became more alerted as he got up from the bed. Brian’s suitcase was gone from his room, as well as all of his belongings that he had brought and the realization dawned upon Justin like a cold shower.

Brian had gone back to Pittsburgh without saying goodbye. 

He felt the all too familiar lump form in his throat and the dreadful feeling of emptiness settle in his chest. His hands started shaking and he ran a few fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself down. Brian had been so decent after apologizing to him that he almost believed things could be set straight for them. He had to stay in New York for an additional two months, seeing as he got an offer from a bigger art gallery in the city, but after that he was seriously contemplating on moving back to the Pitts for good. He was sick and tired of all the doubt swimming around their relationship that he didn’t want to risk it with being three hundred miles away for too long, again. Brian didn’t seem to think the same, though.

He silently went to the bathroom and completed his morning routine like a robot, trying not to think too much of it. After all, he knew his lover like the back of his hand and Brian was just probably too much of a pussy to wake him up because he hated goodbyes almost as much as he hated his father. Still, that didn’t make anything better. 

He was busy putting on his sweater when his phone called and he answered it absentmindedly, not even checking the caller ID.

“Sunshine,” Brian greeted, and Justin wanted to reach through the device and strangle him. “I tried waking you up, but you literally slapped me and told me to fuck off, so I didn’t try after that,” he said amusedly and Justin wanted the ground to open beneath him and suck him into a black hole. Of course his assumptions were totally blown out of proportion and he wanted to throw a tantrum over nothing. It wouldn’t have been him if not. 

“Oh,”he deadpanned, chewing on his bottom lip. “I thought you just left,” he admitted quietly, rushing around his room to pick up a few brushes laying around that he would need that day.

“You wound me,” Brian said. “Look, I have to go now, I just wanted to check up on you,” he said hurriedly.

“Yeah, alright,” Justin said, clearing his throat. “Bye, Brian,” he said with a soft, sad smile.

“See you later, Sunshine,” the latter replied, hanging up and Justin only tossed his phone onto his bed, making his way out of the bedroom. 

He needed some time alone without anyone breathing down his neck with phone calls as his mother did so many times before, and he knew that the studio would provide him the safe space for that.

***

The air in Pittsburgh was far too chilly for the simple jacket Michael was sporting, but he didn’t mind. He couldn’t comprehend why Brian would want to meet up with him on a Monday night at Woody’s, seeing as they hadn’t had those type of nights in a long time. Not ever since Mel and Lindsay had moved to Toronto. Both men immersed themselves into their own respective jobs and tried putting aside that part of their lives. Of course, Mikey knew that Brian still went out fairly often, but had toned it down a little nonetheless. At first it had been weird for him to see his best friend take the first steps down the road of settling down and growing up, but after seeing that Brian was quite serious about it he put his own opinions of it away. 

Walking into the pub he almost immediately spotted the brunet man at one of the more secluded tables. He seemed troubled and fidgety and Michael couldn’t wait to hear what this was all about. He made his way over to him and plopped down onto the sit opposite of the ad executive.

“So, why do you look like something crawled up your ass and died a tragic death in there?” he asked jokingly after a few minutes of just small talking and sipping on their drinks. Brian licked his lips and rolled the bottom one in between his teeth. He remained silent for a couple of seconds before lifting his head up and clearing his throat.

“I’m going to launch a New York office for Kinnetik,” he said quietly. Michael broke out in a huge smile and immediately leaned over the table to give his best friend a tight, unreciprocated hug. 

“That’s amazing, Brian! And only in under two years. I knew you would eventually reach New York,” he grinned widely, causing Brian to snort. “But that’s not the sole reason why you invited me here, is it?” he asked carefully.

“God, I’m going fucking nuts!” Brian exclaimed, downing his shot of Jim Beam before groaning loudly and running his hands through his already messed up hair. “Mikey, I… I can’t get it up to anyone else but Justin,” he said quietly, with an ashamed edge to his voice. Michael’s eyes widened before he burst out laughing. Brian stared at him as if he wanted to wrap his hands around his throat and strangle him, but that didn’t make his best friend stop. The things coming out of Brian’s mouth were just so surreal, it was ridiculous to the comic book writer.

“Lord, I didn’t think I would live to see this day. You? Not getting your dick hard over anything that moves? Amuse me,” he waved his hand dismissively. 

“Ha fucking ha, Michael. My dick is still hard ninety percent of the time, the difference being that I only want to fuck Justin,” he said, letting out a frustrated sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Is that what you call… Monogamy?” he said and outright  _ gagged _ , making Mikey double over with laughter once again. 

“Welcome to the life of Stepford fags,” Michael offered graciously, tipping his glass into his direction. “Next thing we know, you want to get married,” Michael said amusedly, but lifted his head up in disbelief when Brian went silent.

The younger man simply dug into his pocket, taking out a tiny box and sliding it in front of Michael with a tight-lipped smile.

“Do you think Justin is going to like it?” he asked casually as Michael opened the box and looked at the wedding band resting inside of it. 

The Earth sure was  _ not  _ rotating in the right direction that day. 


	24. Chapter 24 - Surprises and chicken stir-fry

It felt weird for Brian to be sitting at the Liberty Diner for some reason. Nothing was out of the ordinary; the little group was sitting at the same booth as always, at the same time as they would any other day. Brian had even grown accustomed to Justin not being there in the pas almost a year and a half, so he really had no idea why he felt that all too familiar feeling of cold emptiness in his chest. Emmett had been rambling on and on about the latest trick he had picked up at Babylon in a futile attempt at forgetting the hot football player he had been pining after, with Blake and Ted listening intently and Ben simply nodding along to the story. Hunter was picking at his food with agony written across his face clearly and Michael was staring at him worriedly, making Brian’s desire to puke all over the table grow. He still hadn’t gotten over their discussion from last week, about fucking  _ monogamy _ and marrying Justin. He felt awkward as hell even though his best friend had reassured him that it was completely normal for a couple who had been together as long as they have. Only, Brian wasn’t quite sure about that. He was Brian fucking Kinney after all, and  _ now _ he was going to fight against everything that he had believed in his whole life like a fucking muncher or even worse- A breeder?  _ Fuck _ no. He would keep things to himself. It wasn’t as if he had to give Justin a detailed story about each time he went out tricking, and he wouldn’t start doing that now. If Justin asked, well, he would just have to practice lying. It couldn’t be  _ that  _ hard. After all, Hunter did it all the time. Maybe he could ask his adoptive nephew for some advice, as embarrassing as that sounded. 

“So, anyway. As hot as he was, I wouldn’t let anyone fuck me bareback. Ever,” Emmett finished up his story, taking a sip from his latte as Brian furrowed his eyebrows in his direction.

“He asked you to let him stick his dick into you without a condom on?” he scowled, stealing a French fry off Mikey’s plate and munching away at it in a swift motion. “Some world we live in,” he added with a nod. That dude must have been bold as fuck. He couldn’t help but remember that time when Justin wanted him to fuck him without a condom. He still got shivers running down his spine from that particular memory.

“I know, right? The audacity!” Emmett exclaimed, flailing his hands around in an outraged manner. Brian thought that Emmett could have been a better queen than Godiva herself,if he wanted, except, you know, being white as a wall an all. “Anyway, when is baby visiting?” he asked Brian with a mischievous smile playing around the corner of his lips, making the brunet man scream internally. 

“How the fuck should  _ I  _ know?” he scowled, taking a sip from his overly-hot coffee that seemed to be burning, as if it didn’t come from the kitchen but more like Hell itself. “What am I? His walking, talking, living schedule planner?” he said, arching his eyebrows.

“No need to get so grumpy, Scrooge,” Emmett giggled. “You two were just so engrossed with each other the last time he was here, we all figured you two got back together,” he merely shrugged and Brian wished his friends would keep their asses out of his business for  _ just once. _ Of course, that seemed fucking impossible with that bunch. Not that he minded; on his better days, anyway. 

“Not for a few months,” he decided answering Emmett’s question begrudgingly.”Some hotshot gallery requested him and he has to paint at least six pieces for the show. He almost creamed his fucking pants when the phone call came,” he snickered lightheartedly. Despite it being unbelievably hard to stay away from Justin, he was extremely proud that he seemed to be starting to make a name for himself in the big artistic world. It was, after all, why he had left Pittsburgh in the first place and with the achievements he had accomplished there, Brian knew he was not feeling guilty for leaving him behind. And he was perfectly fine with that, wanting his lover to focus on his art and  _ then  _ on him. 

“You must be proud of your wifey, Brian,” Michael teased him with a wicked smile and blatantly ignored the murderous glare Brian sent his way. No one seemed to understand the second meaning underlying his words, though, so Brian decided that he wouldn’t kill Michael in his sleep that night. Hunter snorted, and shook his head as he pushed away the plate in front of him. “Okay, Hunter, spill. What the fuck have you been brooding over for a month?” Michael asked him just as Debbie walked past their booth and rolled her eyes at her son’s antics. She was pretty sure Michael had been overacting something trivial again, so she kept on walking to take the order of some new customers.

“Nothing,” the teenager offered the sarcastic answer and Brian sniggered. “And what the fuck are you laughing at? I bet you walked out on so many people who confessed their undying love for you. Disgusting,” he sneered. Brian cocked an eyebrow and let a devilish smile stretch across his face.

“Yeah, except one,” he said before sliding out of the booth and stretching his limbs before slamming down a few dollars onto the table. “See you later, losers,” he saluted them before strutting out of the diner.

Michael shook his head and stared after him with a soft smile. Brian was definitely maturing and oddly enough, it was an amazing look on him. 

***

Justin huffed and puffed and groaned as he was trying to get his two suitcases into the elevator with him. Both of them were filled to the brim with clothes and art supplies, and Justin realized in that moment that maybe spending more time at the gym wouldn’t have hurt him that much. After successfully completing his task, he pressed the button to the right floor and after another round of suffering because of his luggage he was finally able to step foot into the loft. He had been secretly afraid that Brian was home with a quick, midday trick but sighed a relieved breath as he found the apartment empty. He trudged in there, locking the heavy, metallic door and letting his suitcases fall onto the floor loudly as he set the alarm. Then, he made his way into the kitchen and took a cold bottle of water out of the fridge. He gulped it down quickly, wincing at the icy feeling spreading through his chest before throwing the bottle out and making his way over to the couch and sitting down on it, replaying yesterday’s events over and over again in his head.

_ He had walked into Daniel’s office that morning, determined and bloodthirsty. He was sick and tired of his representative always requesting him to do physically impossible things. Three new paintings in four days? Daniel must have gone crazy because not even Picasso or fucking Van Gogh could have pulled that off. Well, maybe Van Gogh, taking into consideration that the guy’s depression drove him positively crazy. But Justin was never, and would never be Van Gogh, so what was he even thinking about? _

_ “Are you nuts?” he had asked him immediately, not even greeting the perplexed man sitting in front of him. “The deadline you gave me is outrageous. I have to work, Daniel, my life isn’t about only painting!” he exclaimed with an angry expression resting on his face. He was sure that if he were a cartoon character, steam would come out of his ears with the way he was so pissed off. _

_ “Well, maybe it should be,” his agent offered him the answer dismissively. “Gavin Brown’s is a fairly prestigious gallery and they expect the best pieces from you. They have been intrigued by the work you have done so far, but that doesn’t land us another exhibition at their gallery after this one. I suggest you start getting to work, there is only two months until the show,” he said sternly. _

_ “Two months is a shitton of time, Dan,” Justin sighed exhausted, rubbing his face to let go of some of the stress he was feeling. “I can deliver you the six more pieces that are required in that time, but three paintings in four days just simply isn’t something that I can pull off,” he said simply, spreading his arms in a defeated matter. Daniel seemed to be deep in thought before pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing while waving one of his hands. The blond artist beamed, knowing that he had won Daniel over. Damn right, or else he would have had to start searching for a new representative as soon as the upcoming show was over.  _

_ “Alright, Justin. But if you fuck this up…” the man trailed off, leaving the threat open. Justin didn’t bother bidding him goodbye as he walked out of his office, intent on making some changes about his work environment. After all, he could paint from anywhere. _

Justin snapped out of his thoughts and let his eyes wander around the loft in search of something out of the ordinary. Everything seemed to have remained the same, except for the wall behind the TV stand. Justin gasped when he recognized the new art piece hanging there. He stood up, walking over to the painting and slowly tracing it with his fingers.

It was Babylon. Justin’s chest became warm with the fuzzy feeling spreading through it at the realization that Brian must have bought it anonymously after listening to his lover’s whining at the show. His lips stretched into a wide grin and he shook his head slightly. The brunet man was incorrigible. After that, he made his way over to the hall and picked up his two suitcases, struggling to get them to the bedroom but eventually succeeding. He decided to leave them be for the time being and waltzed to the fridge. There wasn’t much in there but he found some raw chicken breast in the freezer as well as almost fresh vegetables and he immediately got started on a stir-fry. 

Roughly forty minutes later everything was on the stove and Justin wished Brian would just come home already so he could surprise him and then maybe even fuck him if his lover let him. Justin adored topping Brian, because sex just always seemed to be more intimate at times like that. He groaned when he felt his dick stiffen and adjusted himself before sauntering away to the bedroom and changing into one of Brian’s t-shirts and sweatpants. He really had to stop stealing his boyfriend’s clothes, but he couldn’t really help it. Brian just smelled so good, and well… It felt like being wrapped up in his arms, so his heart didn’t really leave him any other options.

Justin beamed at the sound of the loft door being slid open and jogged down the stairs into the living room to throw himself at his stunned lover. He jumped onto Brian, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, hanging off of him like a monkey. He felt the man slide his arms around his back and he took a deep breath of Brian’s scent.

“I missed you so much,” he muttered into the soft neck, peppering it with soft, butterfly-like kisses. Brian snickered and put him down, loosening his tie in the process.

“You saw me like, what, two weeks ago?” he said shrugging off his jacket and placing it on the back of a chair. “You’re cooking?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Justin walked closer to him, and started unbuttoning his shirt slowly with a coy smile stretched across his lips.

“Yeah, I am,” he answered, wrapping his slender, cold fingers around Brian’s throat and pulling him down towards himself to mold their lips together in a toe-curling kiss. “You bought Babylon,” he said with a stupid lovesick smile on his face. 

“Yes I did, like two years ago. Did something happen to your brain?” Brian asked with a confused facial expression and Justin laughed like a lunatic. Damn, was he on cloud nine right now.

“No, asshole,” he giggled, starting to pull Brian towards the bedroom. “The painting. You were the one I sold it to.”

“Oh, that. I just thought it would be a nice investment…” he trailed off, looking away as they stumbled onto the bed and he let Justin crawl on top of him. The blond artist noticed the rosy cheeks Brian was sporting, but he didn’t say anything as he leaned down and stared directly into those mesmerizing hazel eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered gently, capturing Brian’s lips before he could answer and soon both boys forgot about the chicken stir-fry resting away on the stove. 


	25. Chapter 25 - Rules and fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was giggling throughout writing this. Hehe. Enjoy. <3   
> xoxo

The shopping street was packed with people. Justin hadn’t even realized up until that point that so many tourists seemed to be visiting the quiet town of Pittsburgh. Well, not so quiet after the whole ordeal with Babylon. The incident had gained a lot of popularity in the media, albeit quieting down by now. Justin was beyond grateful for that. He was beginning to get sick and tired of hearing about the bombing over and over again. He still had nightmares about that fateful night sometimes, waking up in cold sweat, shivering with tears streaming down his face. It was horrible. He hadn’t even really liked going out to crowded places ever since, hence why he had no fucking idea what he was doing there, especially with a companion like his.

Brandon had called him a few days after his return to the Pitts and almost shyly asked him if he would accompany him to get a gift for his mystery boyfriend. He was keen on keeping the guy’s name, and any other personal information about him a secret. Justin didn’t understand why Tucker’s nephew wanted to go with him, of all people, but when Brandon explained that they could both get something for their partners while bonding over the experience, seeing as they were family, more or less; Justin’s heart had softened. He didn’t know why Brian had badmouthed the dirty-blond haired man so much. He thought Brandon was a decent guy, if not nice, even. They had their love of art in common, albeit a bit differently. Brandon was a sucker for music and anything that had to do with it, but in exchange of him rambling on and on about the excellence of the rock band named Queen, he listened to Justin’s whining about people comparing Picasso and Van Gogh, saying how it was practically impossible to determine who was the better one of the two. They had been walking around, going into some shops to take a look but so far nothing had caught Brandon’s eye.

“What exactly do you want to get him?” asked Justin as they made their way out of an expensive clothing store. “The moon?” he mumbled, shaking his head. He was never one to like shopping a lot, and so he was starting to get extremely bored with their agenda. His body itched to get home and spend some time with his boyfriend before he went over to his studio to paint, but he didn’t want to be rude and leave Brandon hanging. 

“Shut up,” the older boy laughed goodnaturedly. “A bracelet? Something he can always wear, you know. He also likes shiny stuff,” he muttered, shrugging his shoulders with a blush adorning his cheeks. Justin found it endearing.

“Alright, off we go then,” he said, circling his fingers around Brandon’s biceps and started pulling him towards the renowned jewelry shop: Pandora. 

Upon entering the shop, a very helpful, petite, blond-haired woman asked them whether they needed any assistance. After that, Brandon wandered off with her to the main desk and Justin started looking around at the many things displayed in elegant vitrines on each side of the store. There were plenty of necklaces, bracelets and rings. He thought each and every piece of jewelry was beautiful and he snickered lowly at every panicked man in the shop - including Brandon -, wanting to get something for their significant other. He was glad that Brian hated romance like that, so he never had to worry about randomly getting him a surprise gift. It seemed like a lot of unnecessary stress in one’s life. 

He was perfectly content with cooking for Brian almost on a daily basis so that they didn’t have to order anytime they wanted to eat a cooked meal. 

***

Michael sighed tiredly as he crossed off yet another Christmas gift from the list. He was well aware that starting to shop for the grand holiday in April was a bit of an overreaction but he couldn’t help it. Now that the shop was practically soaring and did well, he wanted to get everyone an exquisite present. One could simply not start early enough. Thus, there he was, wandering around on the main shopping street of Pittsburgh, trying to look for a tie that would suit his best friend’s taste. He had already gone into an Armani store, finding that nothing looked good, the same at Prada. He was getting desperate, wanting to get Brian something equally as high class as he was when he was sober, when he spotted two familiar figures walking and talking animatedly with each other. He squinted his eyes and gasped at the recognition. He watched as Justin and Brandon -  _ the  _ Brandon that Brian hated with passion -, walked out of a Pandora store while laughing to themselves and talking rapidly about something. Michael felt his stomach turn as he immediately thought back to the whole ordeal with the violinist boy from a few years ago. Brian was devastated, no matter how much he tried to hide it and the comic book writer wouldn’t let that happen again. He decided that buying Brian’s gift could be postponed to a bit later seeing as he had more important matters at hand that he had to attend to momentarily.

Cynthia did not even try to act surprised when she saw the dark-haired male enter the company’s building. Although he hadn’t paid Brian a visit in a while now, she guessed that they were still friends and now her theory was proven. However, judging by Michael’s facial expression she wasn’t sure that all of Kinnetik’s employees would go home alive that day and she cursed herself for not calling in sick as she had originally planned to. She really had zero energy to deal with a grumpy Brian and so she contemplated stopping Mikey right where he was, albeit unsuccessfully, seeing as the man had already stormed off into Brian’s office without even sparing the blond-haired secretary a glance.  _ Rude _ , Cynthia thought as she busied herself with organizing the folders on her desk into two piles; ones that still needed some work and ones that were already done. 

Brian looked up at his best friend barging into his office without a word and arched an eyebrow. Michael might be a total drama queen, but he would have never go to Brian’s workplace without any notice, unless something bad had happened. Brian broke out in a cold sweat as he quickly thought through the things that might have went down. Debbie dying? No, surely that must not be it, otherwise Michael would look devastated, and not angry. Did the professor cheat on him? No, not that either, Ben loved and valued Michael more than his own life. Maybe Guy was seriously sick? Not likely, plus he was sure that Lindsay would have already given him a call if anything happened to their son. The possibilities were endless, but nothing that crossed Brian’s mind seemed valid. 

“Spill, Mikey,” he said after a few moments of silence with a deep scowl stretching across his face. “What the fuck are you doing here so suddenly? I have to go over the layouts for the Pharmacle pills by three,” he said irritably, shaking his head as he looked at the panels. Some were good, but  _ good _ wasn’t good enough. He needed amazing.

“Justin is cheating on you again,” he blurted it out boldly, sighing immediately afterwards. “Sorry. I saw him today with Brandon. You know, Stud 2.0 of Liberty Ave?” Michael said, chewing on his bottom lip while bouncing his right foot on the floor. Brian looked up at him with raised eyebrows and an incredulous look on his face.

“Is that so?” he drawled, humming and putting down the panel he was holding in his hands. “You know, Mikey, I always knew you had a bit of a crush on me ever since I jacked you off when we were fourteen, but I wouldn’t have thought that it’s this bad. You have to stop this, it’s getting kind of ridiculous and out of hand. Now, can you let me work?” he said sarcastically.

“Brian! You know I would never do something like this if it wasn’t valid. I saw him on the 32nd Street, all cuddled up and giggly to themselves,” he exclaimed helplessly and shook his head. “But fine, go ahead and get your heart broken again. But don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” he scoffed, turning on his heels and storming out of the office.

Brian set down his silver pen and rubbed his face with both of his hands in a futile attempt of calming down. He noticed Justin acting a bit strangely after coming back to Pittsburgh, being extra nice to him and even cooking dinner almost every night, although he passed it off as the younger man saying thank you for buying the stupid painting that was now hanging on the wall behind the TV stand. Then, he thought about the fiddler.

It wasn’t as if Brian had changed over the time when they weren’t talking. He still hated anything deemed as romantic and it wasn’t as if he had gone out of his way to make Justin feel loved, not even mentioning the fact that he hadn’t even uttered those three little words since the bombing. And, who was to say that Justin truly matured enough to comprehend how hard it was for Brian to verbally express his feelings? Maybe the younger man still held onto the fantasy of a sickeningly sweet, committed relationship to his one and only, a fantasy that Brian couldn’t - wouldn’t -, fulfill. After all, it is said that the past always repeats itself one way or another, sooner or later. Brian’s jaw clenched at the realization that what Michael saw was exactly just that; Justin finding shelter in someone other’s arms. 

It didn’t matter, though. They hadn’t enforced any rules on their relationship since their reunion and so Justin was allowed to do whatever he wanted, without Brian having to care about it for longer than a fraction of a second.

So, why did he have a lump in his throat and why did his chest tighten painfully?

***

Justin dropped onto the couch with an exhausted sigh. After having lunch with Brandon at the diner they had gone into a bookstore and wandered around for another half an hour before Brandon finally put together a simple, but sweet package of presents for his boyfriend. Justin still found it endearing how smitten Brandon was. At first glance, he would have never thought that the boy was a total romantic, with the edgy bad-boy image and all. 

The blond artist had gone to his studio for a quick painting session after they bid goodbye. His hand was aching from the intensity he had painted with, but it was a good kind of aching so he didn’t mind in the least, although he was sure they would have to order something for dinner. He sat on the couch, cradling his arm to his chest as he shut his eyes and yawned. He really felt like taking a catnap but wanted to wait for Brian at the same time. Maybe he could coax him into resting with him for a while before dinner. He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned when he saw that it was already five minutes to eight. Just as he was about to take out his cell phone and dial his lover’s number, the loft door slid open. Justin beamed a blinding smile that quickly vanished as soon as he took in Brian’s appearance. His boyfriend was tense and judging from the snarl on his face he wasn’t very content with whatever that had happened that day, either. He didn’t even spare Justin a glance as he walked into the kitchen and immediately poured himself a shot of Jim Beam.

The blond man stood up from the soft cushions carefully and slowly sauntered over to where Brian was standing. He softly traced his partner’s shoulder with his fingers, trying not to frown at the way the brunet man scurried away from him. Something was definitely going on.

“What’s wrong, Brian?” he asked cautiously, looking straight into the pair of hazel eyes he all but adored. He hated the coldness he saw in them and gulped sadly, wondering how he fucked up  _ this _ time. 

“Nothing is fucking wrong,” he answered, putting his glass into the sink and loosened his tie before throwing it carelessly onto the kitchen countertop. Justin arched his eyebrows and decided to ignore the pain in his hand in order to try to get Brian to calm down. 

“Alright, then,” he said gently and ruffled his hair, making it messier than it was before.”Want me to fix you something to eat? I can give you a massage afterwards,” he purred, trying to persuade Brian.

“Fuck all that,” the older man said, rubbing his face and starting to unbutton his beige-colored shirt. “What I want you to do is fuck off somewhere else from the loft,” he said coldly, making Justin’s heart skip a few beats, and not in a good way. The younger man stared at him with a confused facial expression stretching across his face as he felt the all to familiar lump settle in his throat. 

“Excuse me?” he said with his lip trembling and an arched eyebrow, incredulously.

“Are you fucking deaf? I said get the fuck out,” Brian answered simply, stepping out of his pants and kicking them with his foot. “I’ve got someone coming over. Go away unless you want to watch me pound into him. If that’s what you want, you are free to stay,” he drawled sarcastically in sync with the knocking on the door. He turned on his heels and walked over to the entrance to let whoever came in.

Justin’s breath hitched when he saw the petite, slender man waltz into the loft with a certain sway of his hips as if he owned the place. He took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had escaped, not wanting to seem weak in front of  _ Jay  _ despite his legs feeling like jello. The long-haired man gave him a sly wink before teasingly taking his shirt off and dropping it onto the floor as he walked up the stairs into the bedroom area. Brian didn’t even spare him a glance while rushing after him and the artist had to refrain from puking as he heard a few soft moans several moments later.

He silently slid the loft’s door closed behind him as he let the tears roll down his cheeks freely. 


	26. Chapter 26 - Truths and best friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry for the delay, I had a busy week, and the next one will probably be the same. I'll try to post as much as my schedule allows me to. Thank you for the patience.<3
> 
> Also, quick note: Brian is an asshole. All the way, and I'm not going to deny that, but nobody is an asshole without a reason, so what might be his? Please, bear with him, I know how annoying it must be, but it is necessary for the plot.
> 
> Enjoy, although this one's angsty.

Justin sat on the sofa in the dimly lit living room, staring at the wall like a ghost. He felt truly pathetic and he was sure he looked like that, too. He couldn’t help it, though. The thoughts of Brian being physically together with that whore sickened him to the pit of his stomach, making him shake to his very core. Images of Brian’s arms wrapping around Jay’s hips and pulling him closer to himself seeped into his mind like deadly poison, ready to claim his life and eat away at his brain.

He knew that technically, he didn’t have anything to be mad about. He didn’t even think he was angry, no… Just hurt. He knew that Brian and him had some rules regarding their relationship, and those rules didn’t prohibit them from sleeping with other people. His mind didn’t seem to cooperate with him, though, seeing as every time he closed his eyes all he could see in front of him were pictures of Jay and Brian kissing, cuddling after a hot fucking-session ; all the while he was busy having a mental breakdown over what he did wrong. He hated the way Brian’s eyes had all but glowered at him back at the loft a few hours prior and he couldn’t even begin to think what outrageous thing he had done again to deserve such treatment from his lover. He was pretty sure that everything had been going smooth for them ever since he came back from New York for the second time. Apparently, he could not have been more wrong. 

He cleared his throat and wiped the tears and snot off his face with the sleeve of his hoodie as he stood up from the couch and made his way into the small kitchen of his best friend on wobbly legs. It was nearing two in the morning, but he could not fall asleep, still shaken up about the events of his evening. He was almost one-hundred percent sure that Brian and Jay were still together and he felt another wave of nausea wash over him as he poured himself a glass of milk. He sobbed quietly, cursing the tears forming in his eyes and drizzled some honey into the white liquid before putting the mug in the microwave for thirty seconds. Warm milk with honey had always helped him fall asleep when he was younger and struggling with nightmares, and he hoped that the beverage still had the same effect on him. If not, he wasn’t sure what he would do to force his mind to shut down for a few hours. He absolutely hated the way the events made him feel. He had been the one to lay out the rules all those years ago, yet here he was agonizing over them. He knew Brian was very angry with him for some reason and he found himself wishing more than ever that the older would just open up to him a bit more. He knew how hard it was for him, but he was getting tired of feeling like he was the only one who had been making efforts to keep their relationship alive. That hadn’t been the full truth, and he knew that, but he just couldn’t let it go, remembering the way his lover had looked at him. 

Like he was the scum of Earth, not even deserving to live, really. 

He stifled his whimper by covering his mouth and taking deep breaths as tears continued rolling down his cheeks; the milk all forgotten by now. He really didn’t want to wake up Daphne, knowing how cranky she could be especially with her hormones all over the place and the morning sickness she had to deal with every day. He knew that his petite best friend had a lot of shit to handle on her own, so he tried his best to stay out of the way despite this being the first place he came to after Brian telling him to leave the loft for the night. Justin knew it would not be only for a night, though, and that thought did nothing but drive him slowly mad. He already missed his grumpy lover and it had been only a few hours. He missed the way the older man’s arms wrapped around him protectively as his fingers drew gentle circles onto his lower stomach in order to make him fall asleep faster. It felt weird to go to sleep alone on a lumpy, but comfortable enough couch and he sincerely hoped that whatever this whole ordeal was, they could work it out as always. 

He had never truly given up on Brian, and he didn’t intend on starting now.

Hearing gentle steps on the wooden floor, Justin turned around in the kitchenette and smiled softly at Daphne’s tired form. Her hair was a disheveled mess and no doubt she had either woken up because of his pathetic crying or because of her cravings. She loved to eat Nutella out of the jar, something that Justin would have never seen happening had it not been for her pregnancy. It was still weird to think about his childhood friend as a soon-to-be mother.

“Sorry, Daph,” he croaked out. “I didn’t want to wake you up,” he smiled guiltily, ruffling a bit at his hair, messing it up even more. 

“It wasn’t you, it’s just time for my two AM snacks,” she shrugged, moving around him and pulling out the jar full of sugar and calories from one of the cupboards. She grabbed a spoon and started eating away at the creamy dessert. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“I’m not used to sleeping alone when I’m in the Pitts,” Justin answered sheepishly, running his hand over his face, rubbing the skin. He was so unbelievably tired, but didn’t want to close his eyes. He was sure that images of his boyfriend and his whore would worm their way into his mind and he did not want any more nightmares. 

“Right,” she deadpanned, waving around her spoon angrily. “God, Brian is a fucking moron. One would think that after countless of therapy sessions at one in the morning the idiot would learn, but it seems like he’s even stupider than I originally thought,” she rambled on, eating her way into comfort furiously. 

“You used to talk to him?” Justin asked, arching and eyebrow.

“Yeah, more like, I talked and he hung up on me when he realized I was totally fucking right,” Daphne grumbled, shaking his head. “Give him time. I’m sure you two are going to fuck it out of your systems in a few days,” she waved her hand dismissively, making Justin groan in disagreement.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me,” he said, tearing up at the memories and looking up at the uninteresting ceiling in an attempt to not let his tears roll down his face. “He’s never looked at me like that before. Like I fucking ripped his heart out and stomped on it before throwing it out the window. I don’t even know what I did wrong, Daph. I have no idea,” he said sniffling a bit. The girl put her snack down and wrapped her arms around her best friend’s waist, soothingly rubbing his back as he started shaking in her embrace. She gently pulled him towards her bedroom and laid him down on the bed with a worried expression stretched across her face.

Justin pulled the comforter up to his chin, burying his face into the flowery scent of his best friend as Daphne laid down behind him, throwing an arm around his waist. He took a deep breath and squeezed the girl’s hand, eternally grateful that he was not alone that night.

***

Brian lit his cigarette as he stood in his apartment half naked, looking out at the nightlife in Pittsburgh. Granted, nothing really happened on the streets in his neighborhood at that hour, but he still found himself mindlessly watching the lights outside. The thoughts running through his head were a jumbled up mess of anxiety. Images of Brandon wrapping his arms around Justin’s waist and laughing together were flashing in front of his eyes, making his muscles tense. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, ultimately putting out his cigarette and flicking it out of the window, letting it fall to its death. He heard Jay rustling around the bedroom, undoubtedly trying to gather his belongings. It was already four in the morning and Brian was sure the man had to get wherever he had to get to. He didn’t mind, though, it was not as if he wanted Jay around him for longer periods of time than necessary. In fact, he wasn’t sure that he had made the right decision by bringing his former fuckbuddy over last night. His chest tightened as he remembered Justin’s facial expression upon seeing Jay. He had to keep reminding himself that Justin deserved it. After all, he had been the one who cheated again, hadn’t it?

God, the blond was going to drive him crazy. Brian Kinney never got jealous, and it was so out of character for him to do something so impulsively. 

“I’m going,” Jay announced, walking up to him and pressing a butterfly kiss against his bare shoulder. “I’ll see you later then, I’m guessing?” he smiled cunningly.

“Not very likely,” Brian deadpanned, his voice cold as ice. Jay snorted in disbelief.

“Yeah, right. That’s exactly what you said last time,” he purred. “I loved the look Blondie got on his face when he saw me coming through the door, though. Maybe we should do this more often when he’s here,” he continued taunting Brian with a vicious smile playing at his lips. The older man clenched his jaw so tightly, he was afraid it would break. 

“Whatever happens between Justin and I, stays just there. You have no business here anymore, so I suggest you get the fuck out of this apartment as soon as possible,” he all but growled.

“Oh, I’m sure that’s what you told Loverboy too, isn’t it?” Jay chuckled, sliding the loft’s door open in a swift motion. “See you later, Kinney.”

Brian sighed a defeated sigh as he ran a few fingers through his hair. He was tempted to just pick up the phone and order Justin home, but even he knew that this time, that would most certainly not solve anything.

***

Justin stood in front of the loft door with a heavy heart and shaky hands. He could feel his back breaking out in cold sweat at the thought of having to deal with Brian’s wrath, but he had done some thinking the night before and decided on the best course of action. He was sure that Brian and him would eventually find their way back into each other’s arms, but he felt that a break was heavily needed. Not so much for him as for Brian, though. He knew it must have felt suffocating for the older man to have him in his life full-time again, barking out orders about how he should live his life. Justin still didn’t know what he had done wrong, but he supposed that his clinginess might have become too much for his lover. He tried to understand, he really did, but it was so fucking hard with Brian shutting off. He was at the end of his wits, if he was being entirely honest.

He took a big breath before turning the key in the hole and sliding the door open. He let out a surprised gasp when he saw Brian sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping away at a shot of what seemed to be Jim Beam. He thought his lover would still be at work, although maybe it was better that he caught him at home. Whatever they would discuss, surely wasn’t appropriate for a phone conversation. 

Brian watched Justin’s every move like a hawk, yearning to touch the younger man’s soft skin and stop the madness they were both going through. However, he could not do that. He wanted Justin to feel just as shitty as he did. He realized that his move from last night might have not been the smartest, but admittedly, at the time he had only thought about getting back at his lover. Granted, that was something he wouldn’t have done under different circumstances, however, hearing the news from Michael, who hadn’t been wrong about Ian either, had brought out the worst in him. He watched with a dumbfounded expression on his face as Justin started picking up some of his stuff and stuffing it into a duffel bag that clearly didn’t belong to him. His stomach churned and a wave of nausea washed over him as the first thought that came to his mind was that Justin was going to go and stay at his new boy-toy’s house.

“What, Sunshine? Cutting your trip to Pittsburgh so short?” he asked at last, downing the rest of his drink. He saw Justin tense up at his tone before lifting up his head and looking at him with kind eyes. Brian’s heart skipped a few beats at the lovesick facial expression his lover was sporting, almost not believing that he was looking at him like that after yesterday. God, he was so fucking confused. 

“No, it’s not that,” he said, sighing as he stuffed another t-shirt in there before zipping the bag shut. “What you did yesterday really hurt me, Brian,” he confessed gently, gulping and undoubtedly trying to stop himself from bursting into tears.

“Really now?” he said coldly, with an almost nonchalant edge to his voice. Justin flinched, running a few fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm down. “As far as I’m concerned, our agreement states that we can fuck whoever we want. I wanted to fuck Jay, so I did exactly that. I don’t see how that would be so hurtful,” he shrugged simply.

“Think about it a bit more, then,” Justin offered sharply, slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder in a swift motion. “I’m going to spend a few days at Daphne’s. I’m fucking sorry if I offended you with my clinginess, I was hoping you wouldn’t need another ass to fuck after all this time, but I guess I was wrong,” he said heatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn’t come here to fight with Brian, although he found it extremely hard not to do so at the moment. 

“Right, Justin. Right,” Brian answered indifferently. His body tensed at the blond man’s words, though.  _ Who the fuck does he think he is, preaching about monogamy when he’s the one to run into another man’s arms yet again? _ , Brian thought sourly, barely containing himself from uttering the words. “You knew that monogamy isn’t something that I could - or would - give you, ever. So, what are you getting at?” he asked, spreading his arms. 

“Nothing, Brian,” Justin smiled tiredly. “I don’t care if you fuck nameless, faceless tricks. We agreed on that. I just hope that Jay doesn’t become anything more than he already is,” he said quietly, looking everywhere but Brian. He hated admitting to his jealousy, but he didn’t see the point of being dishonest. 

“Well, he just might,” Brian retorted in the heat of the moment. The air between them stilled and Brian instantly regretted saying what he did. He watched as Justin’s lower lip quivered and his breath quickened; pain overtaking the beautiful blue orbs that he adored so much. He cursed in his mind and bit his tongue.  _ God _ , he was a fool.

“That’s also your decision to make,” Justin breathed out after a few more moments of silence. “Just let me know,” he muttered before storming out of the apartment, not even leaving Brian the chance to explain himself further.

The brunet man rubbed his chin helplessly staring after his lover, silently begging him to come back all the while wondering about Michael’s words.

Had his best friend truly been right this time, too?


	27. Chapter 27 - Coffee and big, pink elephants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the new chapter. This is the longest one yet, exactly 4000 words. Not a lot of Brian/Justin interaction in here, but needed for the plot.   
> Also, the book is going to have a sequel! I'm so excited for that, I hope you guys are too!  
> I will write maybe three to five more chapters and then this one is going to be a wrap.  
> Enjoy reading<3

Daphne watched helplessly as Justin started taking his things out of the duffle bag he had brought over to her house. Her heart was breaking for her best friend. She had known him ever since they had started to walk on their own. They did everything together, and their parents could hardly separate them after playdates in the past. She had never seen him like this, though, and that worried her a lot. Justin was moving around like a zombie, barely lifting his legs to walk properly.. His eyes were hollow, void of emotion and the motions of his arms automatic, much like a robot. It was a contrast to the witty, loud and bright boy she was used to. Daphne had cursed Brian in her mind more than a hundred times in the past thirty minutes despite knowing that it would not change anything. She wished the two men would just get their heads out of their asses and resolve whatever had gone wrong between them. She felt that it wouldn’t be easy this time, though, and that made her heart ache more.

She bit her lip as she watched Justin got comfortable on the couch and wrapped a soft blanket around him, chewing away at his bottom lip anxiously. The girl sighed before walking over to him and sitting down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“You know that you guys haven’t broken up, right? It’s all going to be alright Justin, I promise you,” she said so sure of herself that even the broken boy believed her for a fraction of a second. “It’s just hard for Brian to feel human emotions other than the desire to fuck,” she offered encouragingly, making Justin snort miserably.

“I will never give up on him, Daph,” he answered softly. “You know, I told him I hoped that Jay didn’t become anything more than he already is today,” he started, his voice breaking. Daphne winced as she started to rub her best friend’s leg soothingly.

“And? What did he say?” she prodded on, trying to pry out more information after a few long seconds of total silence between them.

“He said that he just might,” he croaked out as the tears started flowing again. A sharp pain stabbed at his chest, making it difficult to breathe as he started sobbing painfully. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging on the strands a bit in an attempt to calm down before he had a panic attack. He was physically in pain from the memories of Brian’s eyes that had glowered at him yet again. “I just don’t know what the fuck I did, Daphne! I feel so goddamn helpless, I have no idea what went wrong this time,” he wheezed out, rubbing his chest furiously. Daphne watched him with tears of her own forming as she circled her arms around the blond man tightly, whispering small, meaningless things about their childhood in his ear. Eventually, Justin calmed down enough, although he never let go of the girl’s oversized hoodie, balling the material into an iron grip. When the shaking had subdued a bit, he untangled himself from her and shook his head in hopes of clearing it from the thoughts that had been running through it for the past hours. God, he missed Brian so much. He knew he was probably the most pathetic person on the face of Earth for wanting to run back into his arms and never be separated from him again, but he couldn’t exactly help it. The older man had overtaken a big part of his life and mind, crawling under his skin until he became one with Justin. At least, to Justin it felt like that, which made his pain all the more worse. 

“I need a smoke,” he mumbled, rummaging through his duffle bag and taking out the pack of cigarettes he had stashed there for emergency cases. This was definitely one of those times. He was about to light the stick when Daphne promptly slapped it out of his hand, letting it roll down the coffee table onto the floor, all the while glaring viciously at Justin. “Daph, what the hell did you do that for?” he asked furiously, picking the cigarette up and tucking it back into the box nonetheless. 

“I’m pregnant, you major ass,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not going to endanger my baby’s life just because Brian is a dickhead. It’s enough he fucks up your life, I don’t need him to fuck up my kid’s life, too,” she grumbled protectively, rubbing her hand on her completely flat stomach. Justin cracked a smile, and poked her tummy gently.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Rick,” Justin said softly, hugging Daphne to his side. “I wouldn’t have thought he’d break up with you,” he said sadly. His best friend had called them a few days prior to him coming back to Pittsburgh with the news of her being single. He seriously contemplated on ripping the other boy’s balls off and sticking them down his throat for leaving his friend at a time like this, but Daphne had deliberately prohibited him from doing that, so his hands were tied regarding the matter.

“He said he’d help me out financially. I don’t want to take even a quarter from him, but I will have to. My job at the office is not going to keep the little one’s mouth full,” she said sourly, shaking her head. “It’s just so weird that I have to think about two people now,” she shrugged, sighing a bit.

“Yeah, well, that still doesn’t keep you from eating three jars of Nutella in one week,” he teased her and laughed when she slapped his arm lightly. “I’m going to be here, you know that, right? He’s going to need a manly figure in his life,” he said reasonably, grinning widely. Thinking about his soon-to-be godson always managed to make him smile. It was so surreal, yet still exciting. 

“Yeah, well, thank God we’ll have Brian for that,” she teased him lightheartedly, relieved that Justin didn’t start crying at the mention of the older man. Then, Daphne proceeded to ask more carefully. “We  _ will _ have him, right, Jus?”

“Of course, Daph,” he said, pressing a kiss on the side of her head with a hopeful edge to his voice.

***

Ted Schmidt was always one to worry about things. Taxes, insurance, the mortgage, satisfying Blake’s needs… But, again, never his boss. He had watched the way Brian had all but dragged his body into the office that morning with heavy dark circles under his eyes and a scowl that he’d never seen before on his friend’s face. Brian was never one to show much emotion or be unprofessional, but he had already lost a potential client that day, and it was only a bit after noon. 

Naturally, Theodore Schmidt was worried out of his mind. More so when he saw the careless expression on Brian’s face after losing the new soda company. He understood that the client would not have brought them a big financial increase, but Brian had always been one to get pissed off whenever something didn’t go his way.

As he passed Cynthia in the hallway to Brian’s office, he exchanged anxious glances with the blonde secretary and she shook her head. He stopped in front of her abruptly and bit down on his bottom lip.

“You think the Big C is back?” he asked fearfully.

“No, that’s not it, I’m almost entirely sure,” she shook her head abruptly, running a few fingers through her already messy hair. “Is Justin okay?”

“As far as I know, he’s just peachy,” he said mindlessly, trying to search for an explanation of their boss’s behavior in his head, groaning when he came to a startling realization. “You don’t think they broke up for real, right?” he asked, making Cynthia’s eyes bulge out of her head.

“God help us they didn’t,” she muttered, unaware of Brian silently opening his door and making his way over to them. “Heaven knows _ Mr.Kinney _ wouldn’t survive without Justin. It’s like he becomes this cold monster, void of any human emotion,” she shuddered, her voice having a mocking edge to it when she mentioned her boss.

Brian gritted his teeth together before rubbing a hand over his face and clearing his throat, making his presence known to both of his employees. Ted and Cynthia both jumped where they were, a guilty expression stretching across their faces almost instantly. That made Brian smile sardonically.

“It’s so heartwarming how you two care about my personal life more than getting work done,” he said, slamming down a few folders in front of Cynthia more aggressively than he originally intended to. “If you must know, no, Justin and I haven’t broken up,” he said, forcing himself not to put that little ‘yet’ at the end of that sentence in his mind. The thought of the sexy blond minx walking out of his life forever was something that made him physically sick with nausea. No, he couldn’t allow that.

He just needed some time to process the fact that he had actually been jealous. He knew that Justin loved him and him only; he’d seen it in his every move. Starting from the way he always deliberately, or maybe, unconsciously had to touch Brian in one way or another when they were together to the way his eyes lightened up every time he looked at the older man. Brian knew he couldn’t allow to lose that from his life. That part might have been pathetically selfish and possessive, but on the other hand, as lesbionic as that sounded, he knew he’d be lost without the artist. Justin had unlocked so many emotions within him without even him knowing, it was ridiculous. The things he had done while the whole fiasco with the fiddler was happening was the biggest hints of all… Hiring prostitutes? Brian Kinney had never had to do something like that before the younger man came into his life. 

In conclusion, no matter how hurt or mad he was at his boyfriend, letting go of Justin was  _ not _ an option. He realized he was behaving like a cunt, which was unacceptable, but receiving the information from Michael at the sensitive time when he had actually been considering monogamy of all things- Well, it hurt like a bitch, to say the least. He trusted the short, dark-haired man with his life, though, so questioning him was not on his option list either. He could only wait and see what the truth was, and just how forgiving he could be, but for now he had to work on getting Justin to talk without actually tell him what bothered him, as well as take care of the numerous meetings going on at Kinnetik. They were trying to find more and more clients and employees for the New York City office. That proved to be strenuous, taking up almost all of Brian’s time.

“Sorry, Brian, we’ll try to keep your private life out of the office, but the gossip is too good,” Cynthia said boldly, rummaging through another stack of files that had been on her desk before her face lighting up and holding out a particular one to her boss. “You have a meeting with Taylor Electronics in thirty minutes, I suggest you go over this quickly beforehand,” she reminded him with a slight smile, watching as a deep frown latched itself onto his face. 

“When did I agree to this?” he said irritated, slamming the file down back onto his secretary’s desk. “Cynthia, if you think I’m going to be able to restrain myself from killing someone during that meeting while I’m in the state I am in, you’re fucking mistaken,” he hissed. He was  _ not _ going to help that big-headed homophobic asshole who almost ruined Justin’s life. There just wasn’t any chance of that happening. 

“Brian,” Ted sighed exasperatedly. “They make twenty million dollars a year. Plus, you can’t cancel a meeting that fast. At least hear them out, okay?” he suggested carefully, ignoring the confused glances Cynthia kept throwing their way.

Brian exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew that his chief financial officer was right, but that didn’t mean he would hate the meeting any less. “Okay. But I can’t promise I’m going to be willing to advertise whatever shit he wants to put on the market,” he grumbled before snatching up the stack of paper and storming off in the direction of his office.

Ted sighed quietly. Something was definitely off, and he was almost certain it had to do something with Justin. When did it ever not?

***

Brian skimmed through the Taylor Electronics files and scowled. A new, innovative coffee maker that was able to throw in some cream should the need arise. He shook his head,  _ that was the idea they wanted him to sell? _ , he thought bitterly. It was for shit. Granted, he might have been a bit too biased, but he found that he couldn’t help it. It had been different with Jim Stockwell, for one because he did not get as much money for the coffee maker ad and two, Craig Taylor had broken Justin in a way. And Brian, being the overprotective asshole he seemed to be, was still extremely pissed off because of that. He loved how proud Justin had always been of his sexuality ever since he came out, even after the ordeal with Chris Hobbs, and despite the break they were on, he was proud of Justin, too. He didn’t think that would ever change.

He rubbed his face as he glanced at the clock and saw that he was supposed to be in the meeting room three minutes ago. He shrugged to himself, deciding that the campaign would not be that important, ignoring the money they would get for it. He slowly stood up, gathered his files and a pen before making his way out of his office in the same nonchalant matter he had gotten ready. He had no desire to score this advertisement whatsoever, so he was in no rush. Cynthia rolled her eyes at him before joining at his side and eventually they got to the conference room just seven minutes after the meeting had been supposed to start. He smirked at Theodore’s stressed way of sitting and his forehead glistening of sweat before moving his gaze to glance at Craig Taylor.

The man in his mid-fifties was sitting there, face as stoic as ever with hair gray as ash. Brian snickered quietly to himself, it seemed that time was catching up to dear old father Taylor. God, how glad he was that Jennifer had divorced the asshole. He had no idea how someone as amazing as Justin had been conceived with the help of this guy’s sperm. It just didn’t make any sense at all.

God, he was turning lesbionic really fast. 

“Good afternoon, gentlemen, I’m so sorry for the delay,” he started off, shaking Craig’s and his assistant’s hand with a smile that clearly showed his distaste for his potential client. Not that he cared anyway. “I trust that Mr.Schmidt here kept you good company in my absence, though,” he smiled a sardonic smile before sitting down right in front of Craig Taylor, studying himself with a glare. He watched as the man squirmed under his gaze and felt a sense of satisfaction course through his veins at that. He intimidated him. 

“No problem, Mr.Kinney, I’m sure you were busy. My name is Mark Smith, I’m Mr.Taylor’s personal assistant” the secretary of the asshole interjected, making Brian look at him. He must have been in his early thirties. He was not ugly and Brian also didn’t miss the way the young man looked at him, but he found himself scowling a bit. He had no desire to drag him to the bathroom and fuck the living shit out of him, which was quite unusual. However, he had more important matters to take care of at hand. 

“Yeah, you could say that,” he smiled devilishly, averting his eyes to the older man in front of him yet again. “Let’s get down to business, then. How would you like our concept to be?” he said, arching an eyebrow and making sure Craig saw the way he twirled around the ring on his left hand. He was sure Jennifer had told the old man that Justin and him were in fact still very much involved, and when he saw the way the man clenched his jaw, he knew his speculations were right. He wondered whether the older and much more unpleasant Taylor knew about which way his assistant swung or not. 

“For starters, we were envisioning a quiet morning of two lovers,” Craig started gruffly, clearing his throat. “The  _ woman _ waking up earlier to make a special coffee for her  _ husband _ and the two of them enjoying the soundless coffee machine,” he said, making sure to put emphasis on the genders of the characters of the ad. Brian thought he heard Ted snort next to him but he quickly covered it up with a fake cough. Smart boy.

“That’s fucking boring,” Brian said without an ounce of hesitation in his body. “Not to mention, quite misogynistic. The new wave is husbands doing things wives are supposed to be doing, as said by society,” he snarled, shaking his head. Craig stared at him incredulously. 

“What do you suggest then, Mr.Kinney? After all, you are the chief ad executive and the CEO of the company,” Mr.Smith asked carefully, eyeing Brian up and down with a lustful gaze. 

“Targeting another age group, single people too... As well as the LGBTQ+ community,” he licked his lips, enjoying the way Craig Taylor had started squirming. “I could make multiple boards. Only if you give me full freedom and trust me with the campaign, though. Otherwise, I’m afraid I won’t be able to take the job,” he said sternly, lacing his fingers together in front of him, still playing with the ring. He had no idea why he still wore it, but it felt like a part of him now, just like the bracelet secured around his wrist. He guessed it was because of Justin. The little fucker had made him a fucking pile of cheesy goo. Disgusting. What was next, Valentine’s day surprises?

Upon seeing the vein that almost popped in Craig Taylor’s forehead, he smiled bemusedly. Jesus, the man was not professional at all.

“So, what’ll it be, gentlemen? Take it, or leave it,” he said nonchalantly, licking his lips as he watched the older Taylor squirm in his seat. He knew they needed his help, seeing as the company’s income had dropped twenty percent since the previous year. They needed a fucking brilliant advertisement plan, and only Brian could give them that. Surely, they were not stupid enough to let homophobia get in the way of their success. 

“Alright,” Taylor sighed reluctantly and Brian smiled in triumph. He already knew who he’d ask to model for the advertisements, crossing his fingers that the boy would accept.

“Excellent. I will have the documents ready by tomorrow and fax them to you, and if you like the boards we can sign the contract in two weeks,” he said, standing up and shaking both men’s hands. “Always a pleasure to meet you, Mr.Taylor. Do tell Lori that Justin and I are saying hi, would you?” he smiled sardonically, not giving Craig a chance to answer as he rushed out of the conference room.

God, he could not wait to make the old prick’s life living hell. But first, he had to prepare himself for letting Justin know he was hurt without actually having to communicate his feelings to him.

That proved to be a much harder task than thinking of an appropriate ad for the new Taylor Electronics coffee machine. 

***

Justin was moving around the kitchenette quietly, throwing all kinds of spices and herbs into the pot of sauce boiling away on the stove. Daphne had gone to class after yet another morning of throwing up whatever she had eaten previously. It seemed that the little baby did not like anything that Daphne did. She had even tried eating salads and such, but the kid didn’t seem to like anything other than pasta and chicken. Justin was really worried about his best friend, so he had decided earlier that day that he would quickly throw something easy on the stomach together for the girl. He wished he didn’t have to go back to New York in a few weeks, seeing as he wanted to be there for Daphne at every step of the pregnancy, but sadly that was not possible. He had that show in two months and he still had to paint six pieces… That was not going well. The fight with Brian had truly killed all inspiration he had felt originally so he found himself stuck in an artistic block. It was a horrible feeling and made him shake with anxiety at times, but he knew that it would blow over. Brian might have just been in one of his crisis regarding his commitment issues, at least Justin hoped there was nothing more than that. He tried staying calm about the whole issue but his brain did not seem to take the signal, so, there he was, stirring sauce and thinking of how infuriating the love of his life was. Sometimes he wished Brian hadn’t had such a bad childhood, but often found himself quickly dismissing that thought. 

He loved Brian just the way he was.

He jumped a bit when the shrieking sound of the phone ringing sliced through the air and sighed as he wiped his hands. He picked up the device and frowned when he read the caller ID.  _ Speak of the Devil _ ,  _ and he shall appear _ , he thought as he pressed the ‘Accept’ button and raised the phone to his ear.

“Are you hurt? In trouble? Dying? In the ER?” he started asking right away, not even giving his lover a chance to open his mouth to greet him. Without missing a beat, he continued. “Perhaps Jay isn’t sucking your dick well enough so you decided to say sorry for being an asshole and asking me to come back?” he mused, shaking his head slightly. God, how he hated their situation at the moment. 

“The answer is none of the above, you little shit,” Brian said coldly, although Justin heard the fondness in his voice. He bit down on his bottom lip and sighed. It was obvious that Brian was going to ignore the big, pink elephant in the room, however, two could play that game.“Maybe except for the dick sucking part,” he added a few moments later, much more lightly than earlier.

“Figures,” Justin snorted, taking the wooden spoon and stirring the sauce once again. “What do you want, Brian?” he sighed exasperatedly. 

“Could you come by the loft this evening? At around, say, six? I have to ask you for a favor, but I have a feeling you might enjoy it, too,” he said. Justin gulped and chewed away at his lip, wondering whether it would be a good idea to do that or not. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Brian interjected hesitantly. “I also have a feeling you want us to do some talking, as much as I hate it.”

“Damn right,” Justin muttered. “I’ll be there, Brian,” he said softly, blinking back the tears threatening to spill.

“Yeah, alright,” Brian croaked out weakly. “Sunshine? Bring a change of clothes,” he mumbled.

Justin smiled painfully and hung up without another word, sure that he would do whatever Brian asked him to. God, he was in  _ so fucking deep. _ He didn’t care, though. 

  
  



	28. Chapter 28 - Best friends and heartbreaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go. Enjoy reading.<3

Michael stood in front of Hunter’s room helplessly, with a raised hand ready to knock on the hardwood door. His adoptive son had been brooding inside the little space for days now, only coming out for an occasional snack and to empty his bladder. It was a really sad sight, so Michael couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Hunter for not going to school. He understood that the teenager needed space, although, that didn’t mean he didn’t feel like shit because he couldn’t help. He felt like he really did not know how to be a father. He didn’t have to do much with JR, seeing as he saw his daughter once every two or three months at best, but with Hunter it was different. He was almost off to college, yet still needed so much guidance that Michael didn’t feel like he was capable of giving. He had no experience in raising teenager kids whatsoever. He sighed, ruffling his hair a bit and forcing himself to knock on the only thing separating him from Hunter. He heard a muffled ‘Come in’, and twisted the doorknob before stepping into the dark space. 

He looked around, scrunching his nose a bit at the mess of clothes that were thrown around the room carelessly. At least nothing smelled like dead rats, that was the only thing he was grateful for regarding the state his son’s room was in. He sighed yet again, staring at the lump in the bed that was supposed to be Hunter. His mood had been bad for a few weeks now, come to think of it ever since Justin and Leo had left for New York, but it seemed to be even worse the past week. It was ridiculous, really. He could not imagine what had put the teenager in such a foul headspace, but he was damn determined to find out once and for all. He was done with not being able to help. 

“What do you want, Michael?” Hunter croaked out, sitting up but keeping the blanket wrapped around himself tightly. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and Mikey’s heart ached for his adoptive son. 

“I want to know why you’ve been holed up in your room for the past week, skipping school and not talking to either of us,” he said sternly, sitting down on the teenager’s bed with a hopeful facial expression. “What’s wrong, Hunter? I’m sure we can help you somehow but if you won’t talk to us then it’s not going to happen,” he added more gently, softening the serious expression on his face in order to get Hunter to open up more easily. 

“Well, has it ever crossed your tiny little mind that I don’t want to fucking talk about it?” Hunter said angrily, furrowing his eyebrows. God, he hated when Michael got all father-y on him. It was a good look on Ben but it looked simply pathetic on the short comic book writer. 

“You won’t disrespect me, Hunter,” Michael said coldly, shaking his head a bit. “What could be so bad that you won’t even come out of your room? Did anything happen at school? Do I have to talk to the principal again?” he started listing off the things he’d thought about.

“Fuck no,” Hunter answered without an ounce of hesitation in his body. “You’d kill me if I told you, and as I already said, I don’t want to talk about it,” he grumbled out and sinking back into the safety of his two big pillows. He wanted to get out of the conversation really badly. He hated the pity in Michael’s eyes and he was sure there was more where that came from. The whole situation was just fucked up as it was. 

“Stop being stupid. I’m not going to do anything besides listening to you and trying to help you as best as I can!” he said desperately. “Please, Hunter. It can’t go on like this anymore. Ben and I are worried out of our minds.”

“Fine!” Hunter said furiously, throwing his hands up. “Remember Justin’s hot little friend? Yeah, we went out a few times. Then we fucked and I told him I liked him a lot and wanted it to be more than just a fuck. I wanted to be together with him, and the next thing I knew he just wordlessly left.  _ Pardon me _ if my brooding got in the way of your daydreaming about your big bad wolf, namely Brian. I  _ truly _ apologize,” he said, his words dripping with sarcasm. Michael didn’t even register what Hunter had said at first, the only thing coursing through his mind that this was somehow the Boy Wonder’s fault. Had Justin set Leo and Hunter up because he saw the heart eyes his son had kept shooting his best friend’s way and Leo had wanted a one time hook-up? God, when would he stop hurting his family? First his best friend and now his son? 

He was utterly disgusted. 

“Hunter…” he sighed, not really knowing what to say. “We all make mistakes. It’s alright, you know? He is not the first guy to break your heart and he won’t be the last either. I’ll call your principal and let him know that you aren’t going to go to school this week either. I expect you to get your shit together by the weekend though, okay?” he said, standing up and sighing softly.

“Yeah, right,” Hunter snorted, pulling the blanket over his head. Michael took that as his cue to leave and silently closed the door behind his back after walking out of his son’s room.

He needed to talk to Brian. Surely, he’d know what to do in a situation like this, and even if not, they could just get high for old times’ sake. 

***

Brian threw the fifth shirt on the bed with a grunt and started rummaging through his closet once again. He couldn’t believe he was stressing so much about a dinner. It was just Justin, for fuck’s sake.

The person who had already seen him at his worst, throwing up and drenched in sweat when he was going through chemotherapy. Justin had also seen him fucking other guys without taking his feelings into consideration. The same person who made sure he was always okay and sat him down and worked through his issues with him, the same person who cheated on him. Twice, if he counted the situation that was going on at the moment. God, how he hated being uncertain about things. He did not quite understand why he was doubting whatever Michael had said so much in the first place, nor did he have time to wonder about it, although he wished he did. Uncertainty sure as hell didn’t have a place in his life, so he vowed to himself to end whatever this was tonight. One way, or another, they would be alright.

Now, that was finally something he was one hundred percent sure of. A few years earlier he would have definitely fought harder to convince himself that he didn’t want the blond little minx in his life, however, it was different now. He didn’t think it was about wanting Justin there, more like he needed him. Which, of course, was even worse, but then again no one really had to know what was going in the darkest corners of his mind. Unless their friends developed some sort of superpower, and were able to read his thoughts, he was fine. 

He finally picked out a plain, black V-neck t-shirt and put it on hastily before sliding on his favorite pair of black jeans and ruffled his hair a bit so that it looked as if he hadn’t spent the last one hour and a half getting ready like some drag queen. He was positively fucked. He sighed, putting all of the other shirts back into his closet and hurrying to the kitchen to put the takeout Chinese food onto some plates and pouring both Justin and him a glass of red wine. He knew that they had to discuss business in the first place but he also hoped that he would somehow gather his remaining ball and have a long talk with Justin about whatever had been going on for the past week. After setting the table, he didn’t have much to do and he realized that he still had another fifteen minutes. He groaned and flopped onto the couch, deciding to flip through the channels or a bit while waiting for his Prince Charming to arrive. He didn’t find any interesting movies though, so with a huff he turned off the device and got back up, snatching his pack of cigarettes from the kitchen counter and lighting one. He sat down on one of the bar stools and inhaled a big gulp of smoke. Exhaling it, he glanced at the clock and furrowed his eyebrows. Justin was late. He smirked, shaking his head gently to himself. He was sure that this had just been a way of the blond to show him that he couldn’t get him back that easily. Not that he minded. He supposed he could suffer a bit more in order to know for sure that this was something the blond also wanted. He had never forced Justin to do anything in the time they were together - well, minus the moving out things -, and he was not about to start now. 

His lips stretched into a sardonic smile as the heavy knocking on the metallic door of the loft snapped him out of his thoughts. 

He quickly put out his cigarette before jumping down from the bar stool and making his way to the entrance, running his fingers through his hair a few times before sliding it open. On the other side stood Justin, looking as pretty, anxious and mad as ever. The swirl of the three emotions in the blond’s baby blue orbs were like aphrodisiac to Brian. He did not like deliberately or even accidentally making the younger man mad, however, it was a hot look on the otherwise calm enough artist. 

“Is he here?” he asked without seemingly any intention to step into the apartment. Brian furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before realizing what his lover had meant. God, why was he bringing up Jay? He was just a trick. It wasn’t like Brian had gone out on a date with him… Unlike Justin and Brandon. 

“Ha, funny you say that,” he drawled out sarcastically, stepping aside and gesturing for Justin to step into the apartment. “But no, he’s not. I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” he added as he started strolling back to the kitchen, trusting that Justin would slide the door shut. 

“It has to do with everything,” he grumbled as he followed Brian and crossed his arms in front of his chest after stopping abruptly when the older man had done the same. “But, I have a feeling that you didn’t call me here to talk about out relationship issues,” he sighed gently, biting down on his bottom lip. Brian exhaled aggressively, gathering all of his self-control in order not to pounce on the man standing in front of him right there and then. After all,  _ he _ was supposed to be the hurt little damsel in distress,  _ not _ Justin. 

“Why, Sunshine, it seems you have Sherlock hiding inside of you, let me call Watson,” he retorted back with a tight-lipped smile. Justin rolled his eyes, although Brian saw the hint of amusement in his eyes. “I ordered Chinese. I hope you’re hungry, otherwise it would be a waste of food,” he said, sitting down on one of the chairs and signaling for Justin to do the same.

“Yeah, when am I ever not hungry?” he asked, setting down his duffel bag gently to the foot of one of the bar stools before sitting down on the other chair and picking up his chopsticks. “You said you had a favor to ask. So, what is it?” he asked a few moments later, swallowing the bite of noodles in his mouth. The earlier they could get the whole conversation over with, the earlier he could go on to more important matters. Such as, why Brian had been such an asshole several days ago, for starters. Then, after that, he could continue with adding some rules onto their list. 

“I had a meeting with Craig today,” he started, refusing to call that piece of shit Justin’s father. Had he been just a little bit more of a decent human being, he might have even liked him. “Don’t worry, it was completely against my will. I don’t even remember agreeing to it, but that’s beside the point now,” he waved his right hand dismissively, taking a sip from the exquisite red wine. 

“Right, I’m sorry. That must have been  _ so _ traumatizing,” Justin said, his words dripping with sarcasm. Brian ignored that little detail as he answered. 

“Tragic, indeed. However, I have found a way of making this little campaign for the new Taylor Electronics coffee machine a bit more enjoyable for me, and profitable for him,” he said with a satisfied smile on his face. “I’m going to use his idea of silent mornings of lovers for the ad boards and I need you to model for me,” he said bluntly, leaning back in his chair. Justin almost choked on his noodles. 

“You want me to play straight for my father’s advertisements so that he can get even more money? Fuck no,” he said immediately.

“No, Justin. I thought you’d be a bit smarter than that,” Brian sighed exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tell me, Sunshine, which one is the group of people I usually primarily target?” he asked, watching with a satisfying smile as realization dawned upon his lover’s face. Now, he was sure he had won. 

“Oh, so you want me to get it on with a guy for the sake of some pictures,” he said. “I don’t understand why you would need me in particular for that, don’t you have signed models?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I do, but it would piss him off more if it was you on the boards,” Brian answered simply, not even giving what this meant much thought. He knew he did it because he was still holding a grudge over Craig Taylor throwing out Justin and disowning him, it was as simple as that. He didn’t have to give any explanation about his motives to anyone. 

“I suppose I could do it, then…” he mused, taking a sip from his drink before adding a quick afterthought to it. “On one condition, though,” he said, making Brian groan audibly.

“What is it? You want me to call you babyboy and throw rose petals at you while confessing my undying love?” he cocked an eyebrow as Justin snorted, laughing quietly at the image in his head. 

“No, you major asshole,” he mumbled, sighing as he rubbed his forehead. “I do want to talk about whatever has been going on this past week, though. It confuses the shit out of me, plus I don’t think I can crash much longer at Daphne’s without her coming here and ripping you a new one,” he shook his head. He watched Brian roll his lip under his teeth, gently biting down on it as he contemplated for a few minutes. The blissful moment was interrupted by the heavy knocking on the door, and Justin’s heart leaped in his chest. What if it was Jay? He could already feel his heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Hold that thought, Sunshine,” Brian said as he got up from the chair and rushed over to the front door.

For a few moments, Justin could only hear two muffled voices which seemed to be in a heated argument, the ache in his chest immediately disappearing as he recognized Michael’s voice. He was relieved beyond belief that it hadn’t been the trick who interrupted them. He wasn’t sure why that thought had even crossed his mind, but he really didn’t know anymore with Brian. He was glad it was only Brian’s best friend, although he didn’t understand what he would be doing at the loft this late on a weekday. What confused him even more were the looks of hatred Michael cast at him as soon as he stepped further into the apartment with a very tense Brian right on his heels. He didn’t want to get caught up in another fight of the two friends, knowing how ugly they could get. 

“Uh, maybe I should go,” he said cautiously, standing up from his chair slowly.

“Amazing idea. I don’t know what the fuck you’ve been doing here in the first place. Don’t you have any shame? First, hooking Leo and Hunter up, then cheating on Brian and now you still have enough dignity left to show up here?” Michael rambled on angrily, waving his hands all over the place while Justin could only stare at him with a dumbfounded expression stretched across his face. 

Truth be told, he overall had no idea what Michael was talking about, but one little detail had caught his attention more than the others. Cheating on Brian? When the fuck had he done that, besides the fiddler fiasco of course? He bit down on his tongue to not curse Michael out into next week before gently tilting his head a bit and answering him.

“Please, Mikey, pray tell, when did I cheat on Brian? You get a gold star if the answer is correct,” he said coldly, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he waited for his lover’s best friend’s next move. 

“Don’t try to be a smartass to divert my attention! I saw you with Brandon the other day, on the shopping street. You guys were oh so wrapped up in each other it was fucking disgusting,” Michael spat out. Justin’s body tensed as he clenched his jaw. His eyes turned dark when he saw the pain flashing over Brian’s face. “Will you ever stop hurting my family?” 

Yeah, he remembered that day. He had gone out with Tucker’s nephew to help him pick a present for his mystery boyfriend, but no wrapping around each other had been done whatsoever. It had also been the same day when Brian had oh so graciously thrown him out of the loft so that he could fuck Jay. Justin was not stupid, he put two and two together, although he wasn’t entirely sure that the realization had made him happy. Sure, it explained why Brian had acted the way he had, but it made Justin sad that the older man still did not trust him enough to come forward about what was bothering him, instead of acting so recklessly and hurting them both in the process.

“That’s a really funny twist to the story, Michael,” he snorted, picking up his duffel bag. “Is that how you got Brian so mad?” he asked innocently, tapping his fingers against his own arm impatiently.

“He is rightfully mad! He gives you everything, he even launched a New York office for Kinnetik for fuck’s sake, and this is how you repay him?” Michael continued his rambling, his overprotectiveness of Brian overruling any rational thought he might have had. 

“You’re fucking sick, Michael,” Justin seethed, moving towards the door. He was done here. “I know you have these hopeless fantasies in your head that one day you and Brian are going to grow old together, but this is not the way to make sure they are going to become reality. I am in love with Brian, Michael, and I would never cheat on him. Brandon asked me to help him pick out a necklace for his boyfriend to whom he is very much committed, and I did. That’s all that happened, but of course you had to go and make your own version to ensure that Brian stays single for the rest of his life until you’re done with Ben, didn’t you?” he asked sadly, shaking his head. Michael stood there, gaping like a fish with all color draining from his face when he realized that the blond artist was one hundred percent honest. He glanced back at his best friend, wincing at the cold stare he got in return. 

“Look, Brian-” he started, but the brunet almost instantly interjected.

“Don’t, Michael. Just get the fuck out of my loft and drop your emergency key on your way out,” he said in a low, threatening voice. 

This was not what Michael had intended to happen.

***

The two of them remained silent for long minutes after Michael had defeatedly left the apartment. Justin had already dropped his duffel bag to his leg and sat down on one of the bar stools all the while Brian remained plastered to the spot he had been standing in for the whole conversation. Both of them were lost deep in their own respective thoughts. 

Justin’s heart ached, hating the way their relationship hadn’t made enough progress to be able to avoid misunderstandings like this. But what had hurt him even more was the way that Brian seemed to just blindly believe whatever his best friend had said without even asking him about his version of the story first. Of course, he knew that Brian had major problems communicating his problems like normal people, having to make a big drama out of it, hence asking Jay to go over to their apartment on that fateful night. Justin realized that Brian had known all too well how badly it would hurt him if he fucked Jay, and that’s exactly why he had gone and done that. He knew he was only projecting his own pain, but that didn’t make it better in the slightest. 

Brian bit down on his bottom lip, cursing himself for how stupid he had been. Justin was not dumb, of course he wouldn’t have cheated on him after the whole fiasco with Evan. He rubbed his face before moving a bit closer to the kitchen counter and taking in the form of Justin. The younger man was sitting there, seemingly lost in thought, his body tense and jaw clenched. Brian could see the pain in the glossy baby blue eyes, and he felt his chest tighten painfully. He hated that he was the one who had caused so much pain to the young artist, and was once again reminded of why he had cut all ties with him when Justin had first gone to New York. Maybe Justin really  _ was _ better off without him and his inability to grow emotionally. Although, the younger man didn’t seem to like it when Brian took it upon himself to make decision about their relationship, so the brunet knew that the usual agenda didn’t apply to their current situation. They couldn’t just fuck and be alright afterwards, no. This time, he had to open his mouth and voice whatever he had rehearsed in his head for the past week in order to make Justin stay. And voice his thoughts he would, because God knew he couldn’t live without the annoying little shit. 

“I’m sorry,” he rasped out, rubbing his face once again a heaving a tired sigh.

“What for? You were just being yourself,” Justin muttered back without missing a beat and biting down on his bottom lip.”You really don’t have to apologize because of that.”

“Yeah, well it seems I do sometimes, when it comes to you, at least,” Brian said as he ran a few fingers through his chestnut-colored locks. 

“I’m not mad, Brian, I’m just hurt. You could have saved me another heartbreak if you got over yourself for once and asked me about it,” he said a bit angrier than he originally planned to, but he supposed Brian kind of deserved it. “I would have never thought that you didn’t trust me that much. Have I done something?” he asked, turning towards Brian and giving his answer his full attention. After all, he had to assess whether Brian was telling the truth or protecting himself with a while little lie. 

“No,” Brian snorted. “It’s more my insecurities shining through, it seems. I thought you were unhappy with me and that you found someone else to fulfill that part of a relationship that I’m not willing to give you. Just like the fiddler fiasco,” he said guardedly, with a cold edge to his voice, although Justin saw right through it. Brian didn’t fool him anymore, and his heart ached for his boyfriend who seemed to still be extremely wounded by the incident all those years ago.

“Brian…” Justin started softly, jumping down from the bar stool and walking over to his lover, taking his face into his palms and raising his head so that he could stare into his eyes. “I’m happy with you. Sure, you might be a cold asshole, but I’ve learned to read between the lines. I know you hate cheesy shit like this, but you are all I want. I don’t want roses and candles or anything like that, I just want you to try to be more open with me, okay? And, maybe let me top once in a while,” he said smirking, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Brian laughed, and leaned down to press their foreheads together. 

“How about I let you top in, let’s say…” he drawled on, nibbling away at Justin’s lower lip, earning and eager moan from his lover. “Five minutes?”

Justin laughed quietly as he dragged Brian towards  _ their _ bedroom.

***

The blue LED lights above Brian’s bed illuminated Justin’s face as he lay on Brian’s chest, doodling on his sweaty skin with his index finger after three rounds of well-deserved making up sex. Brian was mesmerized by the way the ocean colored lights shined down on his lover, making him seem like an angelic creature that didn’t even belong on Earth, much less his arms. He tightened his hold around his boyfriend nonetheless, though, propping his chin on the top of the younger man’s head as he sighed blissfully. It was as if a mountain-sized rock had been taken off from his shoulders now that they had sorted everything out. Granted, he knew that the next time he would have to open up about something they would surely fight first, but he was willing to take the risk now, and might even avoid fighting by just being more open, exactly as Justin had asked. Now, there was only one problem that bothered him. He had talked about it with Michael a few weeks earlier when they had met up at Woody’s, however, with all the drama going on he hadn’t had the time to think about it much since then. That didn’t change his desires, though. 

“Sunshine?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence between the two of them and only continuing what he wanted to say after the younger man had hummed, signaling that he was listening. “Would you hate it a lot if we tried out monogamy?” he said, biting down on his lip hard when Justin abruptly sat up and stared down at him. 

“Is this because you want to fuck me raw?” Justin asked confusedly, cocking an eyebrow. 

“God, no,” Brian groaned, rolling on his side and leaning on his elbow. “Give me some credit, Justin. I just want to try it out, that’s all. But if you don’t want to, then that’s alright too,” he rambled on nervously, chewing away at his lip. Justin laughed before leaning down and pecking his cheek teasingly.

“Okay, I guess I will have to delete a lot of numbers, then…” he sighed with a grin. “Just pulling your leg.”

“Yeah, well, you could be pulling something else,” Brian mused as he circled his fingers around Justin’s arm and dragging him on top of him, staring lovingly into the beautiful baby blues. 

“Maybe you’ll get lucky again tonight,” Justin smirked down at him, leaning down and kissing him slowly. Brian’s tongue invaded his mouth in just a few seconds, making him whimper and press down into the body of his lover. Brian’s hand found its way into his hair before pulling away from his lips and looking up at him with a seductive half-smile plastered on his lips.

“How about marrying me? Without canceling it this time,” he asked with a small laugh, knocking all air out of Justin’s lungs with a simple question. 

“Are you serious? You are not doing this just because you’re guilty, right?” Justin asked with furrowed eyebrows, sitting up and straddling Brian’s waist.

“No, Sunshine,” he rolled his eyes, sitting up and wrapping Justin’s legs around his hips. “So, what do you say? Am I worthy enough to be your  _ husband _ ?” he asked, the little word rolling from his lips perfectly. 

“I guess we won’t know unless we give it a try,” he mumbled before circling his arms around Brian’s neck and tugging him closer to him and meeting his lips in a kiss full of love.

And as they sat there, wrapped up in each other, pouring all of their emotions into the kisses they shared, illuminated by the moonlight; both of them knew that things would turn out to be just fine. 


	29. Chapter 29 - Fathers and family reunions

Justin paced around the office nervously, fiddling with the all too tight tie around his neck. His hands were shaking and he could feel the droplets of sweat running down his back. He had no idea why he was so nervous, he only knew the reason behind it.

His father.

He wished he could just go back to the loft and lock himself up for the next three weeks, if that meant he didn’t have to assist the meeting that was supposed to happen in thirty minutes. He hadn’t seen his dad in well over two years, however Brian had insisted that he flew back to Pittsburgh for this meeting. Shortly after his proposal, Taylor Electronics had signed the contract with them for the ad of the coffee machine and Brian had made it a complete blast, as always. Justin, of course, had seen the boards already, seeing as he himself modeled for one of them, but he was still amazed at his fiance's skills. That man was truly able to make something as bland as a coffee machine look exciting. It remained to be quite unfathomable for him. 

That, however, didn’t make the reunion with his father seem any more pleasant than waking up to a cockroach walking up and down his leg. God, he might have hated cockroaches, but he hated his father even more. Despite not wanting to be there, he couldn’t wait to see his father’s reaction to the boards; much less the matching rings on both his and Brian’s hand. Alas, he was still a nervous wreck. 

Brian was sitting behind his desk with an amused smile playing away at his lips. He didn’t particularly like seeing Justin distressed, so to say, but seeing him squirming over such situation was kind of funny. He felt proud that Justin was going to deliver such a low blow to his father once and for all. He loved the way Justin had come such a long way, from being a scared little queer who faked bravado, to a man who was truly comfortable in his own body and sexuality. What he loved even more than that was that he had been part of the process too, sometimes even positively, pushing Justin over the edge at times so that he could find himself. Despite all of their difficulties he was beyond grateful that they eventually found their way back together, knowing that getting separated had ultimately been majorly his fault. He tried not to beat himself up about it, but sometimes a negative thought or two slipped into his mind, spreading like deadly poison. Those were the hard days, but Justin had always managed to talk - or blow - some sense into him, so they had been doing alright for the most part since he had asked Justin to marry him three months earlier. He still couldn’t believe that he had done something like that, without any regret afterwards, too. Of course, at first he had been scared out of his mind of being completely exclusive with his lover, but it had worked out just fine up until the present, so he decided it wasn’t such a bad thing, and something he could live with for as long as Justin wanted to. 

Although, maybe Justin prancing around in circles in the office was not that funny anymore.

“You’re going to burn holes into my carpet if you keep that up, Sunshine,” he drawled as he got up from his chair and walked over to his nervous lover, clasping his hands on his shoulders to make him stop. “It’s going to be fine. Your father is going to have a figurative aneurysm, Kinnetik is going to cash in a lot of money, and you will finally have closure. I don’t see how this isn’t a win-win situation for everyone involved,” he said, staring intently into the baby blue eyes.

“That’s easy for you to say,” he groaned, stepping away from the intoxicating scent of Brian’s Gucci cologne. “I can imagine he’s going to say something homophobic. I’m just not sure I can remain professional. Maybe I shouldn’t even take part in this. You can do this presentation without me,” he rambled on, tapping his foot against the floor.

“Yes, I could,” Brian stated, stepping closer to Justin and gently circling his fingers around the back of his neck, kneading the flesh in an attempt to calm down the nervous blond man. “But I don’t want to. I want you to be there and see for yourself how much this is going to throw your father off. You deserve that after all he has done to you,” he said quietly, moving his hand so that he could slowly run his thumb over his lover’s raspberry-colored lips. God, Justin was beautiful. 

“Okay,” Justin gave in eventually, pressing a gentle kiss onto Brian’s thumb. “Promise me you will stop me from saying something stupid,” he added as an afterthought, raising his hand to play with the short strands of hair on the back of the brunet’s neck, earning a snort in return. 

“I’m not promising you that, because then I would have to keep my word,” he smirked, gently pushing Justin backwards until he was leaning against one of the walls. “Plus, my dick loves it when you’re a feisty little shit,” he breathed out onto the soft lips, making Justin chuckle as he squirmed a bit, tightening his grip on his hips.

“Yeah? What about you?” he cocked a challenging eyebrow, sliding his hands down south and grabbing onto Brian’s buttcheeks, giggling when his lover’s eyes darkened into a lustful stare. 

“I love it when you’re a feisty little shit, alright,” he rasped out, angling his head and molding their lips together in a searing kiss. 

Justin moaned quietly, sliding his hands up his lover’s back, sinking his fingers into the silky hair, pulling him impossibly close to himself. Brian ran his tongue over the all too enticing lower lip, groaning quietly when he was granted permission. He pulled Justin even closer to him, rubbing their lower halves together as his lips trailed down to the soft skin of his neck. He sank his teeth into the flesh gently, nibbling at the faint mark he left to lessen the pain before licking a long stripe up to his lover’s ear. He bit down on the shell of Justin’s ear before quietly whispering, “We’ll continue this at home, but now we really have to get moving.”

“Can’t you just fucking cancel the meeting?” Justin growled, biting Brian’s neck as he gripped his hips, not letting him step away from him. 

“No can do, Sunshine,” the brunet man groaned as he forced himself to put some distance between them. “I’m going to go get the boards ready. Maybe you should do something with Sunshine Jr. down there in the meantime,” he smiled darkly, pointing down at Justin’s obvious hard-on.

“I wouldn’t have this problem if you weren’t such a tempting piece of ass,” he muttered defeatedly. Brian cackled and wiggled his fingers at him mockingly before rushing out of the office and down the hall.

He shook his head at his lover's antics before smiling softly and running a few fingers through his hair, his nerves subsiding a bit. Maybe this would not be so bad. 

***

Craig Taylor was fidgety, sitting on his chair in the conference room with sweat running down his back, feeling a vein popping out on his forehead from how angry he felt. Disgust, contempt and grudge was swirling inside of his heart like deadly poison as he watched his son enter the office in a perfectly tailor suit that seemed to be made for him, obviously feeling uncomfortable. He wondered if that would be how Justin would have looked had he gone to Dartmouth or Brown all those years ago, instead of choosing the abominable life of a faggot. And, judging from the glances he gave Kinney, he was sure he hadn’t given up that lifestyle either. It was unfathomable for him how anyone could succumb to such a sin. Although, with the way Brian Kinney was his best shot at increasing his income, he had to be careful not to say anything. He doubted any of the staff even knew that Justin was his biological son, so he had to be extra cautious not to let that little information slip. God knew he would die of embarrassment if word got out that his son was a little fairy queer. 

He scoffed at the enthusiastic way his personal assistant shook their hands, noticing that Smith’s eyes were shining just a tad bit too brightly. He decided that he had to look into that, he would have no homo working for him, that was for sure.

He studied the way his son flashed a bright smile at the CEO of Kinnetik, leaning in close to him and whispering something that made the businessman smirk coldly. He shook his head, tearing his eyes away from the scene, feeling nausea settle into the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t believe that the two of them had remained together after all those years. It was disgusting, sick and just wrong on all levels- In his eyes, at least. The way he imagined it would all go down was that Kinney would just make Justin stick around for a while, doing all that unholy shit to him that Craig didn’t even want to visualize; and eventually get rid of him. That clearly hadn’t been the case judging from the set of matching rings on both of their hands. He wondered whether Jennifer knew about it, scoffing as he dismissed that thought. Of course that righteous little bitch would know about her son getting married to a man. He despised the way the woman who had been such a good little wife for years had suddenly turned her back on their marriage that had been perfectly satisfying for the older Taylor man. He almost popped a vein thinking back to the way the woman had slammed down the divorce files as soon as she had found out about his affair with Lori. 

He snapped out of his thoughts as soon as the meeting started, trying really hard to get into business mode, not allowing himself to get upset at the glances his son kept shooting at Brian Kinney. He had to admit though, the guy knew what he was doing when it came to advertising stuff, as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge that. He seemed to be a genius in his work field. No wonder Kinnetik was so popular in the area, as well as several out-of-state companies. Thirty minutes into the conference, he still found himself satisfied at how the boards and panels looked, amazed at the way Kinney hadn’t backed out on his word and kept true to the idea of a quiet morning between two lovers. However, that feeling crumbled down suddenly as the last board was revealed, and Craig could feel a terrible headache starting to form behind his eyes immediately. 

“What the fuck is that?” he asked before the ad executive could even get a word in edgewise, scowling in hatred. “You are  _ not _ serious about that, Kinney.”

“Why, Mr.Taylor,” Brian smirked, enjoying watching the asshole squirm in his seat. “Don’t you think the models fit exquisitely together?” he asked, gesturing to the panel displaying Justin kissing a male model under the slogan “Coffee, but not so straight from the machine”. He thought it was brilliant and his speculations were confirmed by the older Taylor man completely, judging by the way a vein popped out on his forehead, anyway. This was a lot of fun. 

“I don’t think the problem relies in your models’ expertise, Mr.Kinney, rather their gender,” Smith interjected cautiously, glancing warily towards his boss. God, he thought the blond was sexy to no end, but he would be damned if he were to lose his job because of this. “I don’t remember us agreeing to any kind of LGBTQ+ representation,” he added as an afterthought, straightening his back. 

“As far as our company is concerned, Mr.Smith, we were free to do anything with the campaign. Play around with it, if you will,” Justin decided to jump into the conversation, licking his lips, stifling a giggle at the way his father’s secretary’s eyes darkened in lust. Poor, poor Mark Smith. Not only was his boss a homophobic bigot, but he also had a hard-on for the said boss’ son. How very interesting. Justin wondered whether his father knew about that, or not. 

“I’m afraid my partner is right, Mr. Smith,” Brian chimed. “And trust me, I always have great ideas. I am fairly sure this is going to increase your income a great deal.”

“Partners?” Mark asked as he arched his eyebrows. That almost made Brian scoff. Yeah, right. As if the boring personal assistant would get access to a prime piece of ass, such as Justin’s. That was reserved for him, and him only. “I thought Justin is the head of your Art department,” he added quickly, saving himself the embarrassment of what he was implying with his question earlier.

“I don’t see how this relates to anything happening here, but Justin also owns half of the company, thus making him my business partner,” he deadpanned coldly, giving the secretary one of his infamous Kinney-glares. “Back to the topic. With all due respect, Craig, you can go and terminate the contract that we already signed, but to be honest, that’s going to cost you a small fortune that you can’t really afford at the moment. Or, you can take the brilliant fucking campaign my team and I put together for you, cash in a lot of money and save yourself from bankruptcy. It’s completely your call,” he said, spreading his arms in an uncaring matter.

“I will not allow my brand to be associated with such anomalies!” he said furiously, loosening his tie, looking straight into the smug facial expression his son was sporting. “It was your idea to target the fairies, wasn’t it? You’re doing all this to get back at me,” he accused him, not giving a damn that he was being unbelievably unprofessional. Brian’s eyes became little slits as he glared at his ‘father-in-law’. What an ass. He was about to open his mouth to become unprofessional too, only to be interrupted by Justin.

“We thought it would be a great idea to broaden your company’s horizons, Mr. Taylor. The slogan is catchy and witty, and the community will appreciate being included. I guarantee you that the coffee machine is going to sell like candy,” he said with a reassuring voice. Brian’s lips curled into a satisfied smile, deciding that he would fuck the shit out of his fiance as soon as they got home as a reward. He watched intently as the asshole’s CFO leaned in close to him, discussing something quietly with him. By the looks of it the older of the two Taylor men really didn’t enjoy whatever his employee had told him. 

“Fine,” he said reluctantly after a few moments of silence, already gathering his belongings, more than ready to flee the building. “But you had better make a fucking success out of this, or else…” he trailed off, standing up abruptly, making Justin snort.

“As much of a success a coffee machine can have, Father dearest,” he scowled sarcastically, watching as a red-faced Craig Taylor all but ran out of the conference room. Brian stood up, ruffling Justin’s hair a bit on his way to the CFO to discuss further details. 

Justin followed suit, standing up and stretching his legs as well as cracking his knuckles and neck. He was so tempted to call it a day and go home to fix dinner and sketch a bit, but he noticed Mark slauntering towards him. He groaned. This just can’t be good, he thought sourly, plastering a blinding smile onto his face as he locked eyes with his Father’s secretary.

“Brilliant idea, Justin. Involving the gay community? And that slogan? I could have never thought of that,” Mr.Smith said as he stood in front of him, shaking his head incredulously. 

“Yeah, well, I guess that’s why they call Brian an advertising genius. I only came up with the slogan and modeled for the board, nothing else. He gets the credit,” he said politely. He was a WASP after all, he couldn’t just give Mark the finger and leave as he pleased. Besides, he hoped Brian would finish talking to Ms Johnson soon, so that they could go home together. 

“It’s amazing nonetheless,” Mark pressed further, unaware of Brian creeping up behind him, clearly not wanting to be spotted. Justin struggled with keeping a straight face. “Look, I find you really cute to be honest. I would like to get to know you better, say, over dinner maybe?” he cocked an eyebrow, his lips stretching into a half-smile. Brian smirked at Justin from behind the desperate secretary, challenging him in a way. But, Justin wasn’t really feeling playful.

“I’m not sure my fiancé would be thrilled by that idea, Mr.Smith,” he shrugged, twirling the ring on his finger to make a point.

“Well, he doesn’t have to know about it,” Mark said mischievously, still oblivious to the amused brunet man standing behind him. However, Brian decided that moment would be the perfect one to emerge from where he was hiding, stepping around Mark to stand next to Justin with a cocked eyebrow.

“I sure hope he would know,” he chuckled, raising his hand and toying with a strand of the golden locks. “You know, Mr.Taylor’s fiancé is not the best at sharing,” he added bemusedly, finding it hilarious how the other man didn’t realize yet.

“You must keep track of your employees lives if you know what their significant others are like, Mr.Kinney,” Mark frowned. “I wonder how else you would know that about Justin’s boyfriend.”

“The answer to that is simple, really,” he said with a tight lipped smile, sliding his fingers down to the back of Justin’s neck. “I’m the mystery fiancé, Mr.Smith. Now, if you’re done hitting on my boyfriend, I would advise you to follow your boss. You wouldn’t want to get left behind now, would you? Have a nice day,” he said sardonically, not even waiting for an answer as he all but dragged Justin out of there. 

Justin smirked as he tightened his grip around Brian’s hand. He was sure the older man hadn’t even realized he locked their fingers together, however, he wouldn’t be the one to complain. Not ever.

***

Justin laid on Brian’s chest, panting after what had been a satisfying, albeit a bit too frenzied fuck. He loved it when Brian got jealous, though, so his sore ass was totally worth it. Brian sat up, leaning his back against the headboard as he lit up a joint, taking a deep drag from it before handing it to his lover. Justin followed suit, sitting up cross-legged and taking a hit himself. They silently smoked like that until the joint was finished, already feeling the slight buzz of the weed. They didn’t get high together often, but he didn’t mind the rare occasion on which they did. He loved seeing a red-eyed, thoroughly sated Brian smiling softly at him in a daze. God, his man was beautiful. He leaned forward, connecting their lips in a lazy kiss that lasted a few moments before pulling away from him and starting to toy around with his fingers.

“I didn’t realize a human hand could be so fascinating, Sunshine,” Brian hummed, closing his eyes as he felt his body relax. In the past, he had never really given credit to the silent moments with Justin, vowing to do so from now. 

“Well, your fingers do wonders,” Justin teased back, stretching his legs and propping himself against Brian’s chest with a content smile. “Oh, by the way, my mom invited you to the annual family reunion next week,” he said suddenly, hearing Brian groan.

“Great, just fucking great. A whole evening of your mother and her WASP family members. I already want to kill myself,” he deadpanned, rubbing his forehead, making Justin laugh and pull away from him so that he could look up to his face. 

“Oh come on, Grumpy pants. Only my aunt and cousins will be there, as well as my alcoholic grandmother. Trust me that you will get along just fine with her,” he giggled, biting the skin on Brian’s chest gently. “I’ll let you tie me up afterwards,” he started bribing his fiancé.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Brian drawled on, pressing a kiss onto Justin’s forehead before rolling them over and staring down at him. “I can’t wait to get shitfaced with your grandmother, but first, I think I’m up for a second round…” he trailed off as he started peppering Justin’s neck with soft kisses, making the younger man squirm adorably. 

He decided that going to a boring family reunion was a reasonable price to pay if he got to see the bedazzling smile for the rest of his natural life. 


	30. Chapter 30 - I loved you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, it ends. Thank you all for taking part with me throughout this journey, and I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story. This is the first fanfiction I have ever finished, and I'm sorry if it sucks haha  
> Anyway, thank you for everyone who has kudoed, commented and read this story! It meant a lot to me to be able to create this, and I hope you guys had as much fun as I had thank.  
> Enjoy reading. <3

_ I loved you, and I probably still do, _

_ And for a while the feeling may remain… _

_ But let my love no longer trouble you, _

_ I do not wish to cause you any pain. _

_ I loved you; and the hopelessness I knew, _

_ The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -  _

_ Made up a love so tender and so true _

_ As may God grant you to be loved again.* _

  
  
  


**A few months later**

  
  


After the family reunion, where Brian had definitely drunk too much with his grandmother, Justin quickly fell into a routine of going back and forth between the Pitts and New York. His career was picking up again and as more and more shows got booked and he even got multiple commissions from a few upperclassmen, the more tired he got from it all. He was sick of having to spend even two nights away from Brian when they had just truly committed to each other not that long ago. He was scared shitless that all the traveling and being apart would take a toll on their relationship again and they would end up back at square one. Although, he had to give it to Brian; the brunet man was dealing with it surprisingly well. He hadn’t whined, nor had he asked for them to go back to the tricking rules they had. He had been busy with launching the New York office of Kinnetik as well, so that might have been the case, but Justin was grateful for his fiance’s effort at keeping things going smoothly nonetheless.

That day, though, he decided to go home from the studio a bit earlier and fix them some dinner. He missed just having some time alone with Brian, and so he figured a night not spent painting was right on schedule for them. He knew Brian was probably drowning in the paperwork at the office, so he decided to make something that Brian would be able to eat even after seven without bitching about the carb intake. He got home at around five and started on dinner right away. He hummed a song he didn’t remember the name of as he sauntered around the kitchen, shaking his ass a bit and lightly dancing. He had always loved cooking, especially when it was for his lover. He smiled softly as he thought back to the first time he had ever cooked for Brian. The second day of course, refusing to think about the Atlanta man. He shook his head a bit, chopping some more tomatoes for the salad and lightly drizzling some extra virgin olive oil onto the mix, stirring the mixture together and stealing a little bite from the bowl with a satisfied smile on his face. He put the salad into the fridge and lit some candles, carefully placing them onto the table before he went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. 

Brian ran his hands over his face with a frustrated sigh, seriously contemplating on just tearing all the documents up and becoming homeless. He knew he was capable of meeting the deadlines, however, his art team seemed to be completely useless. He decided that stressing over the new campaigns that had to be done for two months later was no use, and so he quietly tucked away the files into his drawer and got up. He told Cynthia to go home as well, seeing as they were the only ones who were still there and got into his car, head swirling with thoughts of Justin and the launching of the new office. He had not seen Justin as often as he would have liked to in the past few weeks, so he decided to take a day off tomorrow and spend some quality time with his favorite blond little minx. He tried convincing himself that wanting to spend time at the loft with Justin, watching shitty western movies and eating greasy pizza was not, in fact, a lesbionic pastime. It was not as if anything could top his proposal of a monogamous relationship on the Lesbio-meter, so he figured he might as well just do nice things once in a while. He could only hope that he could persuade Justin to take an actual day off as well, without worrying about not getting his commissions done on time. Brian thought his lover was dumb as a stick for stressing out about something as trivial as deadlines. He knew that once he got wrapped up in a project, he would finish it in a few weeks maximum. Justin was just as passionate in other areas of his life as he was when it came to other, more...Unholy actions. 

With a good-natured smirk, Brian pulled up in front of the loft and got out of the car. He furrowed his eyebrows upon seeing the lights emitting from their living room through the window, but thanking whatever higher entity that Justin was already home. He took his time, and walked up the stairs instead of getting into the elevator, and fished out the keys from his pocket, sliding them into the keyhole. He stepped into the loft with a soft smile playing away at his lips and sniffed the air. Something smelled like chicken; Justin was cooking again, he thought as he gently laid his jacket on the back of the sofa and loosened his tie, getting rid of it as well as his dress shirt. He kicked the shoes from his feet, uncaring about the mess he caused and sauntered over to the bathroom. He leaned against the door and watched Justin dry himself with a towel, slipping on some sweatpants before he even realized he was not alone anymore. 

“Jesus Christ,” Justin gasped upon noticing his fiance, and rolled his eyes at the shit-eating grin Brian was sporting. “One of these days you’re going to kill me. That would be unfortunate, because then you would just have to fuck my corpse, which is quite disturbing if you think about it,” he mused as he walked over to where the brunet man was standing, and wrapped his arms around his waist as he rested his head on his chest. Brian pulled his lover closer to him, securing him tightly in his embrace and pressed a kiss on the damp, blond strands of his hair.

“Yes, honey, I had a great day at work, thank you,” he answered sarcastically, hearing Justin snort before he finally let go of him and leaned down to silence him for a few more minutes with gentle nibbles at the raspberry-colored lips. 

“I think I’m going to cancel the wedding and move all my shit out if you call me honey again,” Justin said with a scrunched up nose when they finally parted, making Brian snicker. He slowly unbuttoned his fiance’s slacks and let them slide down the lean legs. “Take a shower, I’m gonna set the table,” he smiled at him, pressing a goodbye kiss on his cheek before maneuvering himself around Brian and making his way into the a kitchen. 

A few minutes later Brian emerged from the bathroom, ruffling his damp hair with a towel before going over to the kitchen and pressing a kiss to the nape of Justin’s neck. He got a smile in return, and they both settled at the table, a comfortable silence engulfing them as they ate quietly.

“We’re taking tomorrow off,” Brian broke the silence as he took a sip of wine, watching the way Justin adorably frowned.

“We are?” he questioned, biting down on his bottom lip, doubt taking over his facial expression. “I don’t know, Brian. I’m supposed to finish a family portrait by next month and fly up to New York to deliver it. Can we do another day?” he asked guiltily.

“No, we can’t,” Brian said nonchalantly. “Your deadline is next month. A day won’t make a difference, so I’m not taking no for an answer. Plus, we live together Justin and I feel like I’ve missed the past few weeks of your life. It’s getting kind of ridiculous, you know,” he said, cocking an eyebrow. Justin pursed his lips for a few moments, gently taking in Brian’s face with his eyes, drinking up every information he could get out of the lines of his lover’s expression. 

Then, he broke out into a huge smile. 

“Why are you looking at me like that now?” Brian said, his eyebrows furrowing as he kept shooting the blond artist confused glances. 

“You’re… You just communicated a problem to me. Without hesitation, or restraint or fucking scowling. Like a normal person,” he said the last part with a teasing edge to his voice, thus making Brian roll his eyes and shake his head. “Of course, I can’t refuse such offer now. I guess it’ll just be the two of us tomorrow. Tragic,” he smirked, popping the last piece of salad into his mouth.

“I might just change my mind about tomorrow,” Brian muttered as a reply, taking a sip from his glass of wine. “And the wedding, while I’m at it,” he added for good cause, making Justin giggle like a fucking teenage girl in love. God, he hated going soft, but he also couldn’t ignore the way his heart had skipped a beat upon hearing the sound of Justin’s laugh. It was something he would never ever admit out loud, not to anyone else but Justin at least, but he absolutely adored the way his lover’s laughter seemed to crawl under his skin, spreading such warmth throughout his body he could barely function sometimes. He found it amusing how he had gone from just trying to get rid of the ‘stalker’, to wanting to wake up every morning next to said stalker. 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Justin singsonged as he took their plates into the kitchen and put them into the sink, starting to do the dishes. Brian got up from his chair and made his way behind his lover, circling his arms around the slender waist.

He started peppering Justin’s neck with soft, butterfly-like kisses and gentle nibbles here and there, enjoying the way the shorter man squirmed in his arms. As soon as Justin finished rinsing the last plate, spun him around and leaned down, softly touching his lips with his own. He slowly slid his damp hands up the brunet man’s back, finally resting them around his neck as he stood on his toes and molded their mouths together lovingly. The kiss started out gently, almost like they were afraid the other would break, but soon, Brian had enough of the softness. He pushed Justin harder against the counter, deepening their kiss and taking away his lover’s breath. Justin couldn’t help but smiled into the kiss, pulling his fiance even closer to him as he ran his fingers through the soft, chestnut-colored locks. Brian broke away from him swiftly, and started dragging him towards their bedroom hastily, locking their fingers together securely. 

A few minutes later they were a mess of tangled limbs illuminated by the blue LED lights; impossible to say where one started and the other ended. 

***

The Moon shone brightly as Justin laid on the bed, his feet dangling off the comforter as he rested his head on Brian’s bare thighs. He had been watching his lover smoke for a few minutes, drowning in the sense of love and rightness that floated between them, pulling them together like an invisible magnet. He lifted his hand, tracing soft lines onto the other man’s abs, enjoying the way the muscles contracted under his gentle touch. Brian peered down at him, a satisfied smirk playing at the corners of his lips. He put out his cigarette before tangling his fingers into the mess of golden locks, slowly caressing through them, making Justin’s eyes flutter shut. He circled his fingers around Justin’s left hand, taking it to his lips and pressing a kiss onto the ring on his finger.

“I can’t believe we’re going through with it this time,” he muttered incredulously, gently tugging on Justin’s hair and massaging his scalp lovingly. “I mean, we are, right? You aren’t going to pick a fight and then move to another state again?” he asked. Even though his voice had a teasing edge to it, he was half serious about his question and he hated the way Justin could so easily read that from his eyes. 

“No, this time not,” he said, sitting up and facing Brian, his facial expression turning serious. He held his lover’s hand in his palm, slowly caressing the wedding band hugging Brian’s ring finger. “I hope that once things are settled at the New York office you’ll spend more time there. I’m going to be completely swamped with work after our honeymoon,” he pouted, flicking away a few strands from his face.

“I was thinking of making it the main office if you don’t want to move back to the Pitts,” Brian said casually, lighting another cigarette. Justin furrowed his eyebrows as he crossed his legs.

“No, you absolutely won’t move to New York just because of me. Brian, I can’t ask you to just leave our friends behind,” he refused immediately, shaking his head. 

“So, you don’t have any intentions of coming back here,” he concluded immediately, shrugging his shoulders. “That leaves me moving to the Big Apple as the only option, Sunshine. I’m not doing the whole long-distance shit all over again,” he added, his voice not leaving room for arguments. 

“But you swore you didn’t have anything against it,” Justin said as he took the cigarette from Brian and inhaled a long drag, trying to calm his racing heart down. He really hoped they wouldn’t get into a fight. History, after all, tended to repeat itself. 

“I never wanted you to leave,” Brian said quietly after a few moments of silence, staring right into the core of his lover.

Justin’s breath got knocked out of his lungs by the intensity of Brian’s gaze. He had grown accustomed to having to read everything from his fiance’s eyes, but not once had he ever seen so much love shine through. His hand trembled as he lifted it and slowly caressed Brian’s cheekbone, smiling ever so slightly. He leaned in closer to him and pressed a kiss against his lips, trying to convey all of his emotions into the simple, but loving action.

“We’ll start apartment hunting as soon as I’m back next month, okay?” he said, smiling widely and slowly climbing into Brian’s lap, circling his legs around the waist of his lover. 

“I’ll get Mother Taylor on it,” Brian answered, leaning their foreheads together as he stared into his lover’s eyes.

“Let’s practice our wedding vows now,” the blond artist whispered softly, licking his lower lips before he bit down on it gently. 

“I thought you said we don’t need rings and vows to prove that we love each other,” Brian teased, pinching the soft skin of Justin’s waist, enjoying the was the petite man squirmed. “I’ll let it slide, though, just this once. You go first,” he answered as he leaned back a bit, stroking his lover’s side with his long fingers.

“I promise…” Justin started as he trailed off, leaving Brian with a wide, goofy smile on his face.

***

“...that I will stand by you in every decision you make, even if it means refusing to put orange tiles in our kitchen. I promise to keep loving you with my whole heart, soul, and everything else that I have. I promise to keep being there for you, for as long as you want me to,” Justin said as they stood in front of their friends and family, ignoring the loud sobs of Daphne and Emmett as they held each other’s hands, focusing all of his attention on Brian. “And, I’ll tell you the last one when we’re in private,” he chuckled, blushing at his soon-to-be husband’s knowing smirk. After all, it wasn’t as if Brian hadn’t already heard his vows. 

“Brian,” said Reverend Buttfuck, who they, ironically asked to celebrate their union. Not that it was some overly religious thing, but Brian insisted on giving his mother a last, big ‘fuck you’, even though she had been dead for over half a year. Justin was not going to argue with him. “It’s your turn,” he smiled softly.

“A wise man once said that we don’t need rings and vows to prove that we love each other,” he started teasingly, making Justin roll his eyes with his lips curled up into a small smile. “But I figured a long time ago that it’s still nice to have them,” he continued, gulping as his throat became a little dry, “and we all know I’m shit at romantic things. However, I can promise you that I will be anything and everything you need me to be, for as long as it may be, even when we become old and ugly and argue about spatulas and what flowers to plant in the garden. I promise you that we will stay a team for the rest of our lives, and that I will never let go of your hand,” he finished in almost a whisper, talking so quietly that only his personal Sunshine could hear him. 

Justin’s face broke out into a huge grin, hearing the vows again making the butterflies in his stomach go crazy as he circled his arms around Brian and brought him down for a searing kiss. He ignored everything around them, drowning in the love that was practically pouring down on him from Brian.

  
  


As they laid together in their hotel room later that night, Brian realized that Justin had been right. They did not  _ need _ rings, vows, papers or the three magical little words; but they  _ had _ them and they had each other. He didn’t care what obstacles life would throw their way, and it didn’t matter how life would try to tear them apart later on, because Brian decided he would quietly hold on with all his might. Letting go was not an option as once it had been the only one, and he would make sure it remained like that for the foreseeable future. 

“I told you it was only time,” he whispered gently into his lover’s ear as he tightened his hold on the petite body.

“Yeah, yeah,” Justin said with a yawn, nestling himself against the warm body. “I’m going to sleep now, and if you wake me up in less than three hours for another round, I’m going to file for a divorce first thing in the morning,” he threatened weakly, closing his eyes and getting even more comfortable.

“Sure, Sunshine, sure,” he snickered, pressing a chaste kiss on one of the many love bites adorning his husband’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered quietly, as if he was sharing a secret.

“I love you too,” came the answer just as quietly. “Night, Brian,” he added before drifting off almost instantly, his heart beating contently in sync with his lover’s.

Brian decided he could definitely fall asleep to this every night. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I Loved You by Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin, as translated by Genia Gurarie in 1995.


End file.
